ok yeah so add me to the brides-in-hiding list... i just know too many of you on here
so here's my story & why i'm in hiding
my fh and i had a miserable fight on sunday & now he wont speak to me he said when he is ready to talk we will, but in the meantime, I am freaking out... we both said horrible things- but i said the worst thing- i told him i didnt want to marry him if this is how he was gonna be
and its not really all that important what the fight was about but it seemed to trigger some stuff that has been bothering us both lately.
but i dont know what to do... i want to talk to him and work things out and he just wont now i am so afraid that he wont forgive what i said and that his thinking means he has to think about whether or not he wants to be with me
bluegreen08
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
Posted by sadlilbride
ok yeah so add me to the brides-in-hiding list... i just know too many of you on here
so here's my story & why i'm in hiding
my fh and i had a miserable fight on sunday & now he wont speak to me he said when he is ready to talk we will, but in the meantime, I am freaking out... we both said horrible things- but i said the worst thing- i told him i didnt want to marry him if this is how he was gonna be
and its not really all that important what the fight was about but it seemed to trigger some stuff that has been bothering us both lately.
but i dont know what to do... i want to talk to him and work things out and he just wont now i am so afraid that he wont forgive what i said and that his thinking means he has to think about whether or not he wants to be with me
a lot of people fight more once they are engaged -- the stress, the more pressure on your relationship, etc. you probably both need some time to cool down, and hopefully things will work themselves out.
TJ22908
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
Maybe try writing him a letter. I know it seems dumb but sometimes when people aren't ready to talk or don't know how to express what they feel this can help and at least you know you can get your point across without him getting mad at you for trying to talk to him...everything will work itself out!!
Kimbalina
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
I think you are skipping some thing imortant- you said 'I dont want to marry you, IF THIS is how your going to be'
Now he knows what went on is unacceptable. That is not the worst thing to say. I know me and my FH had had a few arguements that I would love to forget. And guess what we did. We worked through them and everything was ok.
Go with your Heart. It will be ok
TrueLoveIn2008
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
I am soooo sorry you are going through this. Maybe reminding him via a card or letter that you love him more than anything and that you are sorry for what you said and want to work through it will help smooth things over?
NC1011
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
I had a very similar situation shortly after FH and I got engaged. And the one thing I SWORE to myself when we got engaged was that I would NEVER under any circumstances idle threats about our engagement at him. Well we got into a really really heated argument over ceremony arrangements that involved both of our families and I told him that he can have his ring back and that I didnt want to marry him.
I immediately regretted it and was hysterical. He wouldnt speak to me all day and whenever I tried to talk to him it only made it worse. After a day we were both cooled off and we were able to discuss things a little bit better.
I have been dating FH for over 11 years and it took me A LONG time to finally be able to understand that when it comes to arguing we are different. He likes to take a 'cool down' period and I just cant function til its resolved. But over the years I have realized that it only makes it worse when you press him to talk.
FH knew how devastated I was by what I said and he told me that he knows I didnt mean it and I must say I havent had to use that against him since.
The point I am trying to make is that some people are different when it comes to how they deal with intense situations and while I know how much it s**ks to sit around and wonder what is gonna happen, you really need to have faith in your relationship and give him the time to just cool off.
HTH you feel a little better. Your not alone. Believe me I have been there more than once.
Soon2bMrsRP
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
In the heat of the moment people say things they don't mean - FH does it all the time but once I calm down (it takes a couple of days) I realize that it was just that an argument. Try and give him some time, but in the meantime, write him an email and tell him how you feel - you're sorry - he'll realize he can't live w/o you and you guys can talk it out.
AMGBride2008
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
you have fm
NC1011
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
Posted by TJ22908
Maybe try writing him a letter. I know it seems dumb but sometimes when people aren't ready to talk or don't know how to express what they feel this can help and at least you know you can get your point across without him getting mad at you for trying to talk to him...everything will work itself out!!
This is very good advice. I have used this tactic often whenever I felt like I couldnt get my points across without the argument growing worse. It does work. Just be careful not to put anything in writing that you dont want to ever be used against you in the future. Take some time to think about what you really want to say
Princess Cut Bride
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Member since
Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
Posted by sadlilbride
ok yeah so add me to the brides-in-hiding list... i just know too many of you on here
so here's my story & why i'm in hiding
my fh and i had a miserable fight on sunday & now he wont speak to me he said when he is ready to talk we will, but in the meantime, I am freaking out... we both said horrible things- but i said the worst thing- i told him i didnt want to marry him if this is how he was gonna be
and its not really all that important what the fight was about but it seemed to trigger some stuff that has been bothering us both lately.
but i dont know what to do... i want to talk to him and work things out and he just wont now i am so afraid that he wont forgive what i said and that his thinking means he has to think about whether or not he wants to be with me
Obviously he really upset you for you to say that to him. I'm sure it is hard not being able to talk to him. Can you leave him a voice message telling him 'I know we both said some nasty things...but we need to discuss what went on so we can get over this.'
good luck!
Mici n KC
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
In the heat of the moment, we've all said things we regret we haven't. He needs time to cool off and if it's more than a day, so be it. Give him his space to cool off.
blaine08
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
sorry u are going through this. we all have fights at times ...wedding planning can be alot to deal with. I hope everything works out!
Ms Sawney
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
Everything will be ok just keep thinking positively. I think engaged couples get into arguements more now then ever before since we have so many pressures on us at one time and things will be said that you don't mean and it will take a while for things to heal but in time he will come and talk to you but at this time you have to give him his time to cool off and relax and then speak so you 2 wont say the wrongs things and can speak more rationally
heathermatt
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
it totally have done those heat in the moment comments that I look to take back..I think it is the stress of a life change..There is a lot of changes being made even though you have been together for ever,.,,
I would write him a ltetter...tell him how you feel...
then take it one step at a time.
Soon2beAlberti
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
you need to make an effort to reach out to him by any means necessary. Start by apologizing for breaching his need for time away from you to think but that before he thinks about anything he should know that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him...but that you have a sharp tongue and when provoked sometimes say things you don't mean just to hurt them the way they hurt you. I went through this with my fiance. I have a VENEMOUS tongue and I really dig deep when i want to get back at someone for being mean to me or saying something hurtful. I stopped, I apologized...told him how untrue what i said was and explained that I say those things because he catches me off guard and i say the first thing i can think of to get him back. it doesn't make it right but its something you know you need to work on and if he is willing to try and understand you while you work on it you want to go through all the ups and downs with him.
Marriage is not going to be easy...and u'll have plenty more bad arguements...but you have to understand how each other works and how you both react in situations...forgiveness is key in any relationship and if he can't forgive you then it's not meant to be. you need to open up and pour your heart out to him and be 100% open and honest about your feelings and whats best for both of you will follow.
MrsK2008
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
talk to him immediately............we all say things in haste.
too much time without communication is not beneficial!
sadlilbride
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
thanks for everyone's advice
mao0426
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Re: LONG! Bride In hiding
FH and I have had pretty bad arguments since we got engaged...I have said some pretty bad things but I am also the one that refuses to talk out the situation...after things were said never once did I actually feel like I meant what I said...I needed the time to stop myself from saying anything more that would hurt either of us...his cooling off time is probably for that same reason...you said something hurtful and he wanted to stop it before things escalated and turned into something you both would regret for the rest of your lives...I agree with Kim tho...there are key words in what you said and FH has to realize that and hopefully change what it is that he was doing...dont worry things will be fine
