has anyone 'lost' friends during this planning process? I feel as if I am in a different place than my friends at this point, and I'm seeing different sides of people, even my closest friends. I still haven't asked people to be my BM because I don't know where these friendships are headed. Ugh. I went from being excited and wanting to ask four girls, who I've been close to for years, to now not wanting to ask any of them.
Courtz
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Re: Losing friends...
Posted by KroertGS
has anyone 'lost' friends during this planning process? I feel as if I am in a different place than my friends at this point, and I'm seeing different sides of people, even my closest friends. I still haven't asked people to be my BM because I don't know where these friendships are headed. Ugh. I went from being excited and wanting to ask four girls, who I've been close to for years, to now not wanting to ask any of them.
You're not alone. I dealt with this even before the Engagement and once engaged or in a happy place you will see who your true friends are. You don't need to rush and ask the girls especially if you're having doubts. You don't want to look back and realize that you shouldn't have asked these girls just because you knew them a long time.
Soon2BMrsB2013
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Re: Losing friends...
I saw a sides of people on the freaking day of my engagement that I always hoped i wouldnt. I was so freaking excited and had always planned on who my bridesmaids would be so i asked them all right away. Now I wish I would have waited. I am going dress shopping with my 2 maid of honors today and one of them is already bracing for a fight. I cant wait!!! Wish me luck!!!
Shanti12
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Re: Losing friends...
Yes, you are not alone. There is a definite difference in the friends I have now vs in college. It's amazing how people kind of disappear when you are getting married and not always for the right reasons. When my first friends got married I kind of expected them to disappear but it didn't turn out that way so sometimes people might expect that you may become distant now that you are getting married. I have one BM that I haven't' asked yet. She's the only one I haven't even seen yet and we've grown up with her but we all feel like she's a bad friend. Her husband gets along with nobody. My friends are in the same boat as me - we feel like she's not a good friend, I wouldn't LOVE the have her in my BP but she's almost like family and the wrath that would happen if I DIDN'T include her (I was in hers), it would just be the end of the friendship. Do I treat her like family that I'm not that close to or do I make the decision to cut my losses. It's really tough!! On the other hand... I have a BM that came back into my life after a few years and she couldn't be happier and more supportive of my wedding, so surprises happen I suppose. It's weird because we were just talking about this last night!
fdnybride163
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Re: Losing friends...
I understand that not everyone is going to be as excited for my wedding as I am, and Im truly trying not to talk about my wedding 24/7.
that being said, when I DO have a special occasion or something i want my BMs to fully committed and excited. if you think its a chore, then DONT BE PART OF MY DAY! but dont give me an attitude when YOU said yes, knowing what is involved!
Kris10nGerard
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Re: Losing friends...
I lost me two friends from college a little before I got engaged so your not alone. They are just at a different place, they still go out every weekend and hook up with random people. They would get annoyed if I wanted to bring FH places. Now one of them is having a baby and wants to be my best friend again. Your true friends will stay by your side no matter what.
Shanti12
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Re: Losing friends...
Posted by Kris10nGerard
I lost me two friends from college a little before I got engaged so your not alone. They are just at a different place, they still go out every weekend and hook up with random people. They would get annoyed if I wanted to bring FH places. Now one of them is having a baby and wants to be my best friend again. Your true friends will stay by your side no matter what.
True! A yoga teacher I occasionally study with always says: it's important to understand that holding on to people who are not fulfilling you does not do you or THEM a service. They have to go on their path and you on yours and your tribe will find you. It's a really comforting idea. It's very difficult but to know that and know you are not alone is comforting.
Irishbride16
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Re: Losing friends...
Thats just so sad ..that they have to act like that ..im sorry but they should be happy for you... a lot of my friends got engaged b/f me and yea it does suck ..but there my friends and i was really happy for them ...and the funny part im the oldest of the group too...and im really one of the last of my friends to get married too....by sides 2 others of my friends but i just dont get why your 'friends' would do that ...just goes to show who your 'true' friends are in life
Pretty_In_Pink
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Re: Losing friends...
Posted by KroertGS
has anyone 'lost' friends during this planning process? I feel as if I am in a different place than my friends at this point, and I'm seeing different sides of people, even my closest friends. I still haven't asked people to be my BM because I don't know where these friendships are headed. Ugh. I went from being excited and wanting to ask four girls, who I've been close to for years, to now not wanting to ask any of them.
I am so sorry, Thats so sad. Why cant people be genuinely happy for their friends. This is sooo annoying!
AngieJusty
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Re: Losing friends...
I am sorry you are going through this. Sometimes people only care about themselves and aren't realizing that this is the most important day of your life. Try talking to them about your feelings. I can relate because my sister MOH is currently furious with one of my bridesmaids. It's a long story... Since my sister and I are close in age we have some of the same friends. (The bm is a friend of both of ours.) Now I don't know what to do. I wonder if their fight will blow over. Should I 'kick' this bridesmaid out? Maybe I should take my own advice.
Butterflyfaye
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Re: Losing friends...
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this..
I haven't lost any friends. I dare say, most of my and FH's friends expected this was coming sometime soon. Many were excited and 'where's the ring? Have I seen the ring' want to know the dates, and more.
There's been a little awkwardness around couple friends who are dating longer (and sometimes living together or with children together) who are not engaged. One girl hit up FH's best friend and to-be groomsmen sorta demanding where her ring was. A couple-pair of friend of mine from college started fighting after I left their house over a weekend visit - why weren' t they engaged?
Luckily my MOH is already married and so excited. She wants it to be this May. The other two haven't been asked, but its funny because they are the two people who ask me most 'How is wedding planing going? What have you done? Do you need help?'
It's a reassuring sign.
bigislandbride82
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Re: Losing friends...
I am so going through this right now. Before I got engaged and this whole wedding process started we were all closer. Now I feel like I'm the outsider. I haven't officially asked anyone to be in the bridal party yet, so now I'm not sure what to do either.
mattandjess2013
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Re: Losing friends...
I completely understand where you are coming from. If you had asked me 2 and a half years ago who would've been in my bridal party the answer would've been totally different than my reality now. Before FH, I had been dating a guy who was the best friend of a good friend's boyfriend. It lasted all of 9 months but I 'completely broke his heart' and 'cheated' (FYI NO I DID NOT!) I met FH 2 weeks after my ex and I broke up, which is why so many people think I cheated. I NEVER have on anyone! It's just not my thing - if I don't want to be with you, I break up with you - plain and simple. But it's like so many of my friends that I have had FOR YEARS (way before they ever met the ex) didn't even want to get to know FH when we started dating. They were flat out RUDE to him. We went to a party at my MOH's house (who btw loves FH) and when we left, FH turned to me and said 'why do your friends hate me?' I've never felt like crying so much in my life up until that moment. I was angry and upset. A few girls started talking major BS, and I was at FH's apartment crying one night (we had only been dating like 3 months) and he said, 'babe, f* them. If they can't be happy for you then forget them.' I thought it was really harsh at the time, but in all honesty, it's held true. I barely speak to these girls anymore and they had been like sisters to me when I was single for a few years and when I dated my ex. I literally have not seen any of them since I got engaged, though one has been face booking me recently asking how things are going with planning, which is nice.
Long story short, you can control other people's issues. If they can't be happy for you then don't go out of your way for them. (Sorry if I sound mean, but I was walked all over and talked about way tooooo much ) It'll all work out
KroertGS
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Re: Losing friends...
Thank you for the support, ladies! It stinks that this sometimes happens. I have to say, none of my friends have been outwardly jealous or nasty (well, maybe one, but in a very passive way...and she was my closest friend!)...it's more that I feel they can't relate to where I am at this point in my life, and I no longer relate to their lifestyle...I do love them dearly...it just stinks when people start to grow apart... hmph.
b2b2013
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Re: Losing friends...
I'm actually going through something similar with my MOH right now
Don't know if I should start looking for a new one....
Kristin31613
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Re: Losing friends...
I feel like I might be. I am on the fence about asking one of my friends bc I just don't think she is mature and responsible enough to be able to participate. I am scared she is going to be a burden to the rest of the bridal party!
Kguardz
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Re: Losing friends...
everyones stories make me so scared, and scared to ask my future BMs lol. I'm sorry your going thru this thats awful but i guess the brightside is if these people dont support you now then u know where they stand in your future if they cant be happy for you kick em out of your life
LilinBobby
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Re: Losing friends...
I haven't lost any friends because they are all ecstatic and happy and my family is besides themselves. All 10 bridesmaids don't talk to me about anything else! So I am very lucky. But that being said I really only have a few close girlfriends and my bridesmaids are ALL family. I cut that drama shyte before it would even start but just having family in my bridal party and all my friends understood!!
What I have realized is that I have made about 20-30 new friends on this site!! My best friend moved to PA and my other friends moved too or have families and are pretty busy so it feels great to come on here and have all these cool women to talk to! For that I am grateful and very happy!! xoxoxo to all of you who make my days happy!!
MarryTheNight24
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Member since
Re: Losing friends...
Posted by KroertGS
has anyone 'lost' friends during this planning process? I feel as if I am in a different place than my friends at this point, and I'm seeing different sides of people, even my closest friends. I still haven't asked people to be my BM because I don't know where these friendships are headed. Ugh. I went from being excited and wanting to ask four girls, who I've been close to for years, to now not wanting to ask any of them.
It hasn't happened during my planning process, but in the past few years I have stopped being friends with a few people. One of them being a friend of over 20 years. It's natural to grow apart from people especially being in and around your 20s where everyone is at different stages in their lives. I was really sad when my friend and I stopped hanging out and talking. I realized one day like 'wow, we aren't friends anymore'. We just grew apart. Nothing happened, we were just different people. This was way before I was engaged, but the first thing I thought was 'but she was supposed to be my best friend, my maid of honor'. Friendships are work, but I feel like you shouldn't have to put more effort into these relationships than the one you have with your FH. Hang in there. Everything happens for a reason and don't ask anyone to be in your wedding party unless you're 100% sure you want them to be a part of it.
Sabellabride12
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Re: Losing friends...
I know where you're coming from! When I got engaged most of my friends were all away at college so I text them a picture of my ring on my hand saying I'm Engaged! Most of them were all excited as I would have expected, but one friend whom I thought was going to be in my bridal party, we have been friends for 12 years, all I got back from her was 'O wow' and then I hadn't heard from her for over a month. Recently she has been asking me more about how my plans are going and is trying to be nicer but I don't know if I can just forget how hurt I was at her initial reaction.
