Love the 2012 ladies!- My venting tonight.

I couldn't be more grateful for our group of ladies!

I've had the week from hell. I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. Not easy for me! LOL

My mom died 7yrs ago and I've been dreading the whole wedding planning process. 5yrs ago my step mom, who I've known since I was 6yrs old died too. So I have no mom. My real close family is my brother who is married with kids and just moved to CT, about 1.5 hrs away. My FH has been incredibly amazing with all of the wedding planning. AMAZING, I couldn't have asked for more as far as that is concerned.

Now, here's where it gets crazy... My dad is kind of a disaster. All over of the place. Didn't deal with my step mom death well and has been very train
wreck-esque. So first he tells me that he'll give us a gift the day of and thats' it. (We are paying for EVERYTHING ourselves) He even made a nasty comment when I asked how much he planned on gifting us. (Just to gage how much extra room we had with things.) He has money, thats not the issue at all. He's very dysfunctional and unreliable.

So I get a call from him and he asked if I got my dress yet. I said no, its kind of hard with the budget im working with, and im really picky. He then tells me he'll buy the dress, to spend a lil over a thousand more than what I was planning and offers to come.

Im sort of used to the erratic behavior and im grateful for whatever he wants to contribute.

Here's where it gets better... My FH and I don't keep anything from each other, we are each others best friends and love to blab everything to each other. So yesterday he tells me that he got a call from my SIL saying my dad booked the place for my shower and paid for it. LOL.... Really? Again, I'm very grateful. We are only having a MOH and BM, so obviously she couldn't pay for the shower. But my dad didn't check with anyone, he just went ahead and did this all on his own. The same person who told me he wouldn't help me and made a mean comment about me asking how much he was gifting to us.


I'm not angry that he's stepping up, it's a nice gesture. When my FH was on the phone with my SIL, he mentioned that we were thinking of doing the registry where you can do both and get money towards your honey moon, (we aren't gonna do this) but she then says to him, no no no, dont do that. But i can't tell you why....

So now we are like what the hell are these people planning and not telling us! We are the ones who have to book our honeymoon! They all love us and know it's hard not having a mom or a ton of help paying for everything, but it gets scary dwhen ppl are making plans for us and we are finding out in lil pieces.

Okay, I just needed to share some of the things that were stressing me out this week and I trust all you ladies and love hearing what you have to say.

Time for bed! Hope everyone has a great wknd.

First and foremost I am so sorry that you have to do this without your mom. My FH lost both of his parents so although I do not know first hand I understand through him what you are going through.

With the planning things without telling you...i would tell your dad and SIL that you are sooooooo grateful for their help but that you do not like surprises and this is something that you have been dreaming of planning your wedding all your life. Tell them that although you of course want their help you would like to be of the planning of all aspects. With the shower it is pretty customary that you have no input in it though.

They may not agree and then you have to decide what Is more important to you..paying for everything yourself and having total control or accepting the help even with them doing things without asking you.

I'm sorry that you are going through planning with no mom

What Mara said, speak with them and tell them how grateful you are but that you'd like to choose the things for you and FH.

Thanks Ladies!

Im soooo sorry about your mom & stepmom. I lost my grandma 5 years ago and now my dog, for me it feels like im missing something without them there. Its hard to deal with the loss of someone you care about but somehow we manage (eh! ) If you ever need to vent im always here)

As for your family, i would feel the same way as you.. I have no patients i need to know how its getting paid and when. My parents are paying for everything and even giving $ for a house!, we are responsible for the side things (photographer- etc) We have the money but it would be nice if his dad threw in some money instead of saying you can have my tax returns or ill give you $ - ok well how much and wen are we getting it? or are you just saying it to make it sound like you will) story of our lives!! My mom heard us talking about a videographer she's like ill pay for that - i was like what are you nuts, we have the $ and you've paid moreeee than enough) - its amazing how some people give give and give to help their kids and others who cant take the time of day to even ask how all the planning is going) - i think i started my own vent lol

I would definitely try and explain how you feel

I am so sorry for your losses. This must be a difficult thing to get through without your Mom.

Here is another way to look at this - just realize I am not taking his side!!

I am sure your Dad doesn't know if he is coming or going. First of all, since you are getting married and you are his daughter he might feel like he is loosing you, too This is a big step for him. He must be remembering your Mom and what she would do if she were here, and what she would want to pay for.. Maybe that is why he is paying for the shower?? Maybe things have sunk in and he has now decided to help out in his way. Remember, he is a man. They look at things totally different.

As for the honeymoon, talk with him and explain what you want