Maid of Honor HiJinks!

I am getting married in early August. We got engaged in March, and decided we didn't want to wait, so we've been trying to throw together a large wedding very quickly. I had been trying for weeks to get my MOH and the other two bridesmaids together to go dress shopping, but it seems that everyone is always so busy. Sooo... The MOH took it upon herself to go shopping a week or so ago with one of the other bm's without me. I got my dress at David's Bridal, and so that's where they went. My MOH told me that there was only one dress in the entire store that looked okay on her, and even then the material was so thin, it showed every 'flab roll' and undergarment line. Basically, she's average height, and carrying a few extra lbs, but isn't overweight by any means. The thing is, the bm she went with is model thin (if a bit short for a model), and she's trying on non-fitted dresses next to this girl. The other bm is my fiance's best friend, and she told him that my moh was freaking out. This is believeable, because she sent me a text saying 'I'm grotesque, and I hate red!' btw, the dresses are to be red. Well, the other day, she called me up, and decided since we were crunched for time, she was just going to go buy the dress that she and my one bm decided looked the best. What she's not even taking into consideration is that another bm is very short, rather chunky, and just had a baby. The dress she's decided on is not appropriate for her.

My MOH is convinced that the girls need tealength dresses, because august is hot, but the shorter girl CANNOT wear it, lest she look like a teapot. I told my MOH this, and she said 'I'm not going to go spend $200 on a dress so she can look good'. This is rather ironic, as she expects the shorter girl to look like crap, so that she can feel okay about herself. From the way it was described to me (by my sales agent at david's as well) is that my moh freaked out at the store, and she said everything there made her look fat.

It's not just that. Before I found a dress with red trims that I loved, I was considering midnight blue as one of my colors. (my fiance loves the color, and so do I), and she said, 'I look horrible in blue, I cant wear blue'. Am I being a bridezilla, or isn't this supposed to be about me, not her and her low self esteem? It's not like I went out, picked out something ugly, and then said, hey, there's a $400 dollar dress you will hate, go buy it.'.

How do I resolve it? I don't want to hurt our friendship, but I'm to the point where I just want to tell her that I can't deal with her being in the wedding. This is stressful enough, and no matter what I suggest, she's got to make it about her looking fat, or being uncomfortable. I suggesed a thicker material, so it wouldn't cling to her and the bigger girl, and she went on and on about being too hot. Well... guess what, I'm going to be in a floor length dress with yards of fabric. Maybe she should suffer along with me! I don't think that she should get to make the other girl look fatter and shorter, because she's afraid to be sweaty when she goes outside of the reception to smoke (this is her reasoning: all bm including herself smoke, and our night wedding will be too hot to be comfortable when she goes outside....)

I don't know how to handle this. Anyone else dealt with someone like this? Anyone have any advice!

Thanks!

My immediate response is 'toss her' - but that's just me with very little patience for people that try to walk all over me.

I wanted all my girls to be comfortable so I took a cue from my cuz (I was her MOH) and just picked the color and let them pick what they want - whatever was comfortable and they felt flattered in. After going with them to try stuff on I added the stipulation that it couldn't be tafetta (hate it!). So, you could try that - tell them red is it other than that they can pick what they want as long as it's the same fabric. And just because you got your dress at David's doesn't necessarily mean they have to get their dresses there. A lot of places carry Alfred Angelo (that's who we went with) and he has tons of beautiful styles. They could also try another David's. I went to the one in Westbury for my cuz's wedding and they had so many styles to choose from but when we went to the one in Lake Grove - pfft. Nothing. Nothing nice and nothing from their catalog.

Now, back to your MOH. Do you think this will be her only issue or is she going to cause trouble about EVERY detail relating to her involvment as your MOH? Like shower stuff, etc. You may want to think long and hard about that and whether you want to reconsider or at least have a heart to heart talk with her. Picking the dresses is just the beginning - is she going to behave like a spoiled child throughout the entire planning up to and including the actual wedding day?

The sad thing is, I've mentioned to her that I wouldn't mind if they picked slightly different dresses, as long as the manufacturer, material, color, and length were the same. I think it's silly to have two girls in floor length, and her in something way shorter.

I told her that the lady I talked to at the one shop gave me a list of materials that typically 'cling', and show a bit much if one is on the pudgy side. She threw a snit, because they are typically the materials that are a bit thinner, and thus cooler. I think that she's just made up her mind about the 'half-way okay' one that she picked out, because it's on sale (marked down 50%). Which, according to David's Bridals website means that it's not available in all sizes/colors because it's discontinued.

Oh, and another thing. I haven't even seen the darn thing that she was planning on just going out and getting!

I'm going through a very similar situation--I have 9 BM's and one of them thinks she's going to hate the way the dress looks on her (has not put it on yet though...) while the rest of them and myself love it. I want all of the girls to be in the same dress, but I also want them all to be comfortable. After the inital breakdown, I did go out looking for different dresses but really looved the one in question. I told the BM with the issue, that she could alter the straps so she could wear a bra, but this was the dress I was going with for the BM's.

You just have to keep in mind, you're not going to make everyone happy all of the time and in the end this is your day, your pictures and your wedding. If I was you I would go out, pick a dress you love in a color you love that you think most of the girls will like and YOU make the final decision. This is not her decision to make.

Wow...can you tell this has struck a nerve with me??!!

If you really want this girl in the BP, the easiest thing for everyone would probably be to let your MOH have a different dress than the rest of the BMs. A lot of people do this.

I do think she's acting inappropriately though!

I think you need to put your foot down and take control...She is MOH and she probably thinks shes in charge of everything and she is walking all over you. Let her know that this is YOUR wedding not hers and that you have very little time and you cant waist you time complaining about a damn dress. I know you don't want to hurt anyones feeling but once they see your not playing around she will stop. She even got me mad lol...

Hope everything works out...Good Luck!

---

Posted by kaluvsjk


You just have to keep in mind, you're not going to make everyone happy all of the time and in the end this is your day, your pictures and your wedding. If I was you I would go out, pick a dress you love in a color you love that you think most of the girls will like and YOU make the final decision. This is not her decision to make.

---

AGREED. its YOUR wedding, not hers. You're not going to be please everyone and it seems like you are trying to be most accomodating. she needs to get over it and realize that its not all about her. To be totally honest with you, if I absolutely LOVED something and it wasnt outlandish and i knew i wasnt being totally unreasonable or unfair, she would just have to suck it up and deal with it for a day. But thats just me.

Thanks for all the support ladies! I'm going to the dress shop with my mom after work today, and I'm going to pick out a few styles that we can get in on a rush in time for the wedding. I'm just going to tell her that she needs to pick one or not be in the wedding. As the maid of honor, she's supposed to be helping me, and if she can't deal with that, well then she can't be my maid of honor. She is very insecure about her body, because she's gained a bit of weight recently, but then again, so have I. She hasn't had a stable relationship since I've known her, so in a way, I do wonder if she's lashing out because I'm the one getting married (and she introduced me to the groom). I'm going to take all of your advice and let her know how it is!

Thanks again!