Maid Of Honor Situation!

Here is a background story..My sister is my Maid of Honor and I am having such a problem here. Recently her boyfriend broke up with her! He wants his space and still loves her but doesn't want to be with her right now. Needs time apart. She agreed to give him a month. No texting, no calling, no myspacing. Well Apparntaly she has been doing all that. She has been so down lately. And don't me wrong I do feel really bad for her! She said she won't feel the same until she talks to him face to face about them.

On Saturday I am going to Helen's Bridal for my wedding dress. She cancelled on me and told me she will go next week for a dress!!! She wants to go see him and Saturday is the only day he gave her to see him. I was so mad at her! She is my Maid of Honor and my sister! It's so messed up that she is choosing her ex over me! It won't be the same going for a dress without her there! And I am not cancelling it for her! I have waited too long for this moment. And she wants to go and spend the day or a few hours with him..MESSED UP!!!

Just out of spite I hope I find my wedding gown on Saturday. I know that is cold for me to say. But this is really important to me and she is choosing him over her own family!

I'll tell you what though..if this keeps up she is fired as my Maid Of Honor and my best friend will become my Maid of Honor while my sister will just be a bridesmaid!!

What do you all think about this??

Well first, don't rush into saying you're going to 'fire' her as your Maid of Honour.
It's hard to comment on this not knowing how old your sister is. If she is young, then she just probably doesn't get how important all this pre-wedding stuff really is because she's too consumed with feeling heartbroken.
Sit her down and talk to her, tell her exactly how you feel and explain how important a MOH is and how you really want her there.

All that being said, I do think she is wrong in this situation. She made a promise to be by your side through all the wedding stuff, and she's your SISTER. Try talking to her - I hope everything works out.

I think that you should just let it go and be the bigger person. You don't NEED her to look at dresses and she can always come with you another day.

As far as her and the bf situation, you have to let people learn the hard way sometimes....don't waste your energy on her troubles, just focus on you and finding your dress. Bring a friend or your mom...or you know what, go alone. That's what I did a couple of times. Sometimes it's easier to find things you like w/o people chirping in your ear about their opinions.

Have fun!

ETA: I just wanted to say that something I've learned about the whole wedding planning process since I got engaged is that NO ONE, not your sister, not your friends, not your mom, is ever going to be as excited as you are. And that's totally OK. It doesn't mean that they don't care or that they're not happy for you, it's just that they have lives too and we sometimes forget that since our weddings tend to consume ours. They still love you but sometimes in the end, you're on your own.

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Posted by KSquared

Well first, don't rush into saying you're going to 'fire' her as your Maid of Honour.
It's hard to comment on this not knowing how old your sister is. If she is young, then she just probably doesn't get how important all this pre-wedding stuff really is because she's too consumed with feeling heartbroken.
Sit her down and talk to her, tell her exactly how you feel and explain how important a MOH is and how you really want her there.

All that being said, I do think she is wrong in this situation. She made a promise to be by your side through all the wedding stuff, and she's your SISTER. Try talking to her - I hope everything works out.

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Thanks for the reply!!! My sister is 23 yrs old by the way. The more I think about I just want to say to her I really want you there for my important day and it hurts you are not there. But when you need me to be there for your important day I will be there because that's who I am!

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Posted by missliss

I think that you should just let it go and be the bigger person. You don't NEED her to look at dresses and she can always come with you another day.

As far as her and the bf situation, you have to let people learn the hard way sometimes....don't waste your energy on her troubles, just focus on you and finding your dress. Bring a friend or your mom...or you know what, go alone. That's what I did a couple of times. Sometimes it's easier to find things you like w/o people chirping in your ear about their opinions.

Have fun!




ETA: I just wanted to say that something I've learned about the whole wedding planning process since I got engaged is that NO ONE, not your sister, not your friends, not your mom, is ever going to be as excited as you are. And that's totally OK. It doesn't mean that they don't care or that they're not happy for you, it's just that they have lives too and we sometimes forget that since our weddings tend to consume ours. They still love you but sometimes in the end, you're on your own.

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Thanks for the wonderful advice! I will take it to heart! I am glad there are others out there who feel for me! And Yes no one will be as excited as me!!!!!!

This is hard because your wedding is important but she is going thru something right now. You both need to be sensitive to the others issues. I would be upset too,if I were in the situation, there werea few times I feltpeople weren't doing enough,or even offereing. But on the day of my wedding, they couldn't have done a better job.

Good Luck, I hope you and your sister can work everything out

That is a hard one....does your sister have a certain time that she is meeting her ex or is it the whole day. If maybe she is going to see him for a short time she can meet you at the bridal store afterwards. If not then go yourself and bring your MOM! I am sure your mom will love going and also you can bring a friend too for another opinion. Hold off on 'firing' your sister yet because she may come around.
She may also be a little jealous right now because her relationship is not going well and even though that is not right it is a natural feeling when you are hurting. Just be a little patient with her.

thats a tough one but shes your sister.. I say talk to her and let her go see her boyfriend... bring her to an understanding that she was wrong just cancelling.. cant you wait a week for your dress? think about how much your sister wants to see her ex..

that is what I would do..

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Posted by missliss
I just wanted to say that something I've learned about the whole wedding planning process since I got engaged is that NO ONE, not your sister, not your friends, not your mom, is ever going to be as excited as you are. And that's totally OK. It doesn't mean that they don't care or that they're not happy for you, it's just that they have lives too and we sometimes forget that since our weddings tend to consume ours. They still love you but sometimes in the end, you're on your own.

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ditto

sometimes we are SOOOOO into ourselves and OUR wedding and wanted people to be happy for US that we forget that no one else cares as much as the bride does.

please don't get upset or flame---but i have to say you sound a teeny bit insensitive. just think about how your sister is feeling right now......she is probably confused and missing her BF like crazy.....and wishing she could figure out how she can be happy with him. its hard to look at it cause you really just wanted her there for YOU looking at wedding dresses......just imagine if you were her and the guy that you are wanting to fix things with says he wants to see you.....you might do the same thing. she's hurting right now---and no offense but my sister's emotions and mental well-being are worth 100000x more to me than looking for a dress. i hope you understand what i mean.....i'm not trying to sound mean or anything.

I don't think you are sounding mean at all! If you only all knew the relationship they have been in for 2 years. They must of borke up and get back together a million times! He sleeps over all the time. Which I think is disrespectful! He'll sleep in the same room with her! I was never allowed to to do that at her age! But it's an on going off going relationship!

It just hurts because she always told me no matter what she would be there when I try on my wedding gown! And now as sisters as close as we are we are not gonna have that moment! I want to get my gown at Helen's. So after Saturday it could be a done deal..I just wish she see it from my pov too!!!! As I am looking at it through her POV! Even though it doesn't matter that he wants space. I think he aggreed to see her so he can get is point across face to face. And i think that is going to be heartbreak for her!

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by missliss
I just wanted to say that something I've learned about the whole wedding planning process since I got engaged is that NO ONE, not your sister, not your friends, not your mom, is ever going to be as excited as you are. And that's totally OK. It doesn't mean that they don't care or that they're not happy for you, it's just that they have lives too and we sometimes forget that since our weddings tend to consume ours. They still love you but sometimes in the end, you're on your own.

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ditto

sometimes we are SOOOOO into ourselves and OUR wedding and wanted people to be happy for US that we forget that no one else cares as much as the bride does.

please don't get upset or flame---but i have to say you sound a teeny bit insensitive. just think about how your sister is feeling right now......she is probably confused and missing her BF like crazy.....and wishing she could figure out how she can be happy with him. its hard to look at it cause you really just wanted her there for YOU looking at wedding dresses......just imagine if you were her and the guy that you are wanting to fix things with says he wants to see you.....you might do the same thing. she's hurting right now---and no offense but my sister's emotions and mental well-being are worth 100000x more to me than looking for a dress. i hope you understand what i mean.....i'm not trying to sound mean or anything.

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ITA with this!
Someone very wise once told me that no matter how much your family and friends love you, your wedding is only the most important thing in the whole world to you..
I have to also agree that your MOH is really upset right now, and you need to be there for her.
There needs to be some understanding on your part that she's going through a rough time.

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Posted by sweetdoublenn

I don't think you are sounding mean at all! If you only all knew the relationship they have been in for 2 years. They must of borke up and get back together a million times! He sleeps over all the time. Which I think is disrespectful! He'll sleep in the same room with her! I was never allowed to to do that at her age! But it's an on going off going relationship!

It just hurts because she always told me no matter what she would be there when I try on my wedding gown! And now as sisters as close as we are we are not gonna have that moment! I want to get my gown at Helen's. So after Saturday it could be a done deal..I just wish she see it from my pov too!!!! As I am looking at it through her POV! Even though it doesn't matter that he wants space. I think he aggreed to see her so he can get is point across face to face. And i think that is going to be heartbreak for her!

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awww---that stinks for your sister. it sux when you have he yo-yo thing going on in the relationship.

can you maybe mention this to her and say 'you know i understand you and joe blow have your issues---but it would mean the WORLD to me if we were able to do this together....i really want you to be there helping me'

who knows--maybe it will work

good luck in the gown search!

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Posted by MJDoc12

please don't get upset or flame---but i have to say you sound a teeny bit insensitive. just think about how your sister is feeling right now......she is probably confused and missing her BF like crazy.....and wishing she could figure out how she can be happy with him. its hard to look at it cause you really just wanted her there for YOU looking at wedding dresses......just imagine if you were her and the guy that you are wanting to fix things with says he wants to see you.....you might do the same thing. she's hurting right now---and no offense but my sister's emotions and mental well-being are worth 100000x more to me than looking for a dress. i hope you understand what i mean.....i'm not trying to sound mean or anything.

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I'm with MJDoc on this one.

My sister was going thru a divorce and was not 'around' for any of my wedding moments either. In fact, I went wedding dress shopping 4x ALL BY MYSELF. No one came. And as hurt as I was, I had to imagine how hard it must be to sit thru wedding stuff when you are in the middle of a breakup. Honestly, who wants to go wedding dress shopping when you just got dumped. Do you know how much that must suk?

In fact, my sister was SO torn up about her divorce that she LEFT my wedding during the cocktail hour and never returned. Why? B/c she couldn't stop crying.

Did my sister do the right thing? Absolutely not. She should have ****** it up but sometimes, people have their own problems, even when its not convenient to you. Like if its on the day you want to go dress shopping.

Give her time. She'll come around. And no, don't fire her. That will only make it worse.

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ETA: I just wanted to say that something I've learned about the whole wedding planning process since I got engaged is that NO ONE, not your sister, not your friends, not your mom, is ever going to be as excited as you are. And that's totally OK. It doesn't mean that they don't care or that they're not happy for you, it's just that they have lives too and we sometimes forget that since our weddings tend to consume ours. They still love you but sometimes in the end, you're on your own.

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Nicely put. I learned the same.Weddings can bring out the worst in people - it is amazing!
Actually consider yourself LUCKY if you get one BM or Family member or Friend to come through for you the way you imagine. Unfortunately - you cannot let other people's hangups hinder you of finding 'that perfect dress' or anything else that goes along w/planning of your Wedding. Don't cancel any appointment & Don't 'fire' your sister out of anger. You might regret it l8r. Afterall I am sure she wishes she was in your position.

I had more of a clear head when I went a couple of times on my own - and brought family l8r after I narrowed it down. My MOH and both BM came after the dress was already chosen.

Do your self a favor and breath & allow yourself to enjoy the process of planning even if it is by your self - and don't let any issues take this time away from you -b/c it will get more complicated as it gets closer. PROMISE! Right girls !?!:ba

You have a nice vise - U can always get on these boards when your in that state of 'rant' & someone can help you objectivily.
Too bad I didn't learn about the site till after my wedding

Good Luck~