Girls...major situation here involving my sister (MOH)...I'll try to make it short: She's been dating a guy for over a year, he has mental issues...well about a month ago, he went off his meds, accused her of falsely cheating on him, threatened our family, she was terrified....I had to go eat lunch with her because she was afraid he'd show up. She said that she'd take a break, not talk to him, wait for him to get help...we thought it was over. Not even a week went by....she's hanging out with him again....he's not welcome at my parents' home, FH doesn't want him at the wedding....and she just asked what he should wear...and I had to tell her that he may not be invited. This guy had signed onto AIM with her screen name, harassed me at work with it...and has never made a move to try to apologize to me, let alone my family. I was waiting to tell her because I was afraid she'd step down as maid of honor for him...she believes this is her soulmate. I feel terrible telling her that her boyfriend is not welcome, but I feel it's the only decision, am I out of line?
halloweenbride04
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
I don't think you're out of line. First and foremost you're concerned about her safety and the safety of your family. If it's been such a huge ordeal involving your whole family, she has to understand that it's not that you don't want him there just because you don't like him. Your entire family has been thrown into upheaval because of this guy. Your request is valid!
Kelly9904
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
I dont think you are out of line! Explain to her that (especially if your parents are helping ot pay) because of the situation with teh family and him you dont think it would be appropriate for him to attend. That you just want things to run smoothly on your day and you hope she can understand that and that she knows how much she means to you and how you are so happy to have her as your MOH! (I think she is probably testing the issue becuae I dont knwo about anyone else but I wouldnt be asking 4 months before the wedding what he should wear if everythign was perfect....its a long time away for a guest to worry about attire JMO) Good Luck!
Sage10.03
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
Absolutely not...I would NOT have that person at my wedding....God knows what he might do.... He threatened your family? Geez! that's enough reason right there...not to mention the AIM thing....
Your sister needs to get away from him...FAST!!! and you need to worry about you and your FH and your wedding....
DO NOT let this guy come to your wedding....
Good Luck, I hope your sister comes to her senses about this guy!
Nora101004
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
First you need to talk to your sister. Second, you have time before the wedding as to inviting him. I don't think he should be invited and your sister needs to see who he is off his meds. You need to be very careful on how you handle this so you don't drive her into his arms and lose her forever. I'd talk to your parents and maybe a councelor.
Sassyz75
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
I wouldn't tell her anything yet- it's only November and you still have some time to go until your wedding. So chill and see what happens- I wouldn't be surprised if your sister breaks up with him by then. I wouldn't get into it right now- just concentrate on trying to get her to see that this guy is fruit loops & not for her.
When the time comes and they are still together- then just tell her that you aren't comfortable around him..
But I have a feeling it won't come to that.
bridget&jimmy
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
I defenitly agree with Sassy, Just help her see how it is not meant to be with him. When she asks about what he should wear and stuff just tell her that she should not worry about that now and just concentrate on making things right. I too have a feeling it wont be long till she is done with him for good. And if by the wedding she is not then explain to her that it makes you uncomfortable to have him at your wedding. But for now just concentrate and helping your sister and not alienating her.
Bridget
casg
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
you not out of line ITS YOUR WEDDING
(what happened to AL) I liked him
butterfly20
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
its your wedding, and a very reasonable request...
there is still time as to whether or not you decide you want to invite him
LIPrincess00
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
It is your wedding and you have the right not to have him there, but I would wait until after the holidays to tell her this, because you still have time and who knows what might happen between them.
Jen_n_Dale
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
TO make my story as short as possible.... I knew, dated, associated with a guy who was bi-polar/manic depressive. It was not until I was able to work on myself to see that I did not need him in my life. He was taking me down (mentally) with him. When he was nice he was the sweetest guy but when he went off his meds or took other means to forget about his problems, he was TERRIBLE and so mean. Vindictive as well. He tried to fake his own death (which he denies but he is also a compulsive liar) so I could talk to him and when I didn't he threatened me. Unfortunately, the letters were 'not threatening' enough to the police to get a restraining order. And I still live in some what of fear that he might or have someone else do something to me. I know not all people who have a mental illness are not that way. With the proper use of medication and contiually using it helps them.
I do side with you. My mom saw the fear that this guy put in me. I know she would not ever want to see this guy again. And Lord help him if he shows up on our doorstep.
btrflygrl
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
Well...a little too late...I already told her it was a debate as to whether he would be invited...I have until the week before Christmas when I mail the invites out. I feel like a terrible sister and I'm being selfish...but all I need is someone drinking too much and words start, and then fists start flying. Not for me...
Jen_n_Dale
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
You did the right thing. She will realize it one day. maybe not now but one day she will thank you for it.
jenny2penny
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
I don't think you are out of line at all. I hoep she will understand why you have reason to feel this way.
larryswife2be
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Re: MAJOR DILEMMA...PLEASE HELP ME (LONG)
You are not out of line. You will have enough to be worried about that day, you don't need the added pressure of someone possibly making a scene. BTW, tell your sister to change her AIM password, so he can't harass anyone
