Mamma Drama

So as I've mentioned once or twice before both me and my sister recently got engaged and our weddings are planned only 5 months apart and it seems like all my mother has done since we got engaged is complain. She's been depressed and I understand that, but because of circumstances there really isn't anything more I can do to fix that except quit my job and stay home with her 24/7. Usually I can deal with it but tonight she is really topping herself.

She keeps saying that she doesn't even care if she lives to see the both of us get married and that she's not buying two seperate dresses for the two weddings and that she's not helping with either of the bridal showers. I know this is going to sound mean but it's like with her it's all 'poor me' and I just want to turn around, take her by the shoulders and shake her until she understands that this isn't all about her anymore! Me and my sister will both be getting married regardless of what she says or how she feels!

I know she's upset right now but it's like she's always upset lately and I really don't want to deal with it anymore. She's almost never excited to hear about 'wedding plans' and it really s u c k s because I always imagined myself planning my wedding and being able to talk to my mother and see her be excited for me. I get nothing. I haven't seen her really smile or be happy about the fact that I'm getting married since I got engaged.

She thinks no one cares and she is sooooo wrong. If I didn't care so damn much this wouldn't hurt as much as it does.

The thing with mom is that she is just really unhappy with the position that she is in right now but there isn't really anything anyone can do about it. She's lonely and she hates her job, she wants to stop working but can't afford to etc, and she takes it out mostly on me and my sister.

Thanks for the well wishes though! Sometimes it's just really fun to lose myself on these boards and hear how excited everyone is for everyone else...practically perfect strangers and yet we are all so happy. I think it's wonderful!

i am sooooo sorry.
but something you said concerned me...she is saying she doesnt care if she is alive when you both get married...

that is a serious cry for professional help. i hope she is seeing a therapist/doctor... bc that is a big red signal to me.

i hope she feels better.... and i hope you can still enjoy your wedding plans!!!

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Posted by prunepie

i am sooooo sorry.
but something you said concerned me...she is saying she doesnt care if she is alive when you both get married...

that is a serious cry for professional help. i hope she is seeing a therapist/doctor... bc that is a big red signal to me.

i hope she feels better.... and i hope you can still enjoy your wedding plans!!!

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I agree..she needs to see a doctor.

I'm so sorry. Did something happen before your plans to make her depressed? I hope she comes around.

My mom went through the SAME exact thing, but only there was 1 wedding to plan (just mine, not my sisters) I'm the last of the 5 kids, 4 of us that are girls & I never expected my mother to be like this. She acted like I was asking her to kill someone when I wanted her to come with me to a bridal salon or to a store for wedding stuff. All she did everyday was mope around & bicker with me about every little thing. I just kept saying to my sisters how when I was little, I always pictured mom & I walking through stores with wide eyes & excitement. In reality, when I asked her to join m, she's say, 'I'm not coming, take my card.'

It did get better, although not as much as I'd like it to be. But see what happens with your mom if you don't say anything to her about the planning. Don't ask her any questions, or tell her anything about it. Sooner or later, she's going to want to be included. I think moms just get so overwhelmed with the idea that they're 'losing' their daughters. Just let her be for a few days & I think she'll eventually act more excited & interested in the whole planning process. Good luck girl! Keep us posted.

Thanks so much! It's nice to hear that someone else can relate almost exactly to what I'm going through! I'll take your advice and leave things be for awhile. I guess if things never improve I'll just have to concentrate on the wedding and surround myself with people who are happy and excited about it.

Thanks again soo much for commenting and if you ever need to vent feel free to FM me!

I'm sorry your mom is acting this way. It sounds like she's either depressed or starving for attention. Either way, I think you and your sister should move forward with your planning and have a great time doing so. If you mom wants to miss out on the opportunity of seeing two of her daughters begin their new lives, that is her decision and unfortunately nothing you say or do will change her if her mind is set. If she's depressed, perhaps suggest she get some professional help. I'm so sorry!!!

i'm sorry to hear this

is she depressed? she sounds more than just sad. best of luck

My mom gets crazy like that too - you know thats how our moms are :)

I say just don't include her in anything that isn't necessary and eventually she will see what she is missing

Also - don't let her bring you down! Just squeal and enjoy the time with all of the brides on here!

I wish I could say she will get over it - but since i know a little more of the back story I know that may not be true. . .

Maybe instead of talking about the wedding and stuff like that with her you can talk about how exciting it is going to be for her to have grandchildren! And talk about Sunday dinners - holidays with kids around- stuff like that, so she remembers that she has SOMETHING to live for after a specific wedding date

if posting doesnt help next time you know you can always call me!

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Posted by Blu-ize

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Posted by prunepie

i am sooooo sorry.
but something you said concerned me...she is saying she doesnt care if she is alive when you both get married...

that is a serious cry for professional help. i hope she is seeing a therapist/doctor... bc that is a big red signal to me.

i hope she feels better.... and i hope you can still enjoy your wedding plans!!!

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I agree..she needs to see a doctor.

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I agree with this too, that comment really concerns me. Perhaps you and your sister can sit down with her and tell her how she feels. Even if she is feeling sad saying that she doesn't care if she is alive to see her daughters get married is alarming. Do you have any other relatives you can talk to about getting her help?

Thanks tilde! I was going to call you but it was late and I knew we both had to get up for work this morning. lol

I'm just going to do my best to put her out of my mind for the time being. Thank god for these boards though! It's great being able to see so many other VERY excited and happy brides and relatives of brides!

lol and I can't start talking about grandkids...as is I think she expects me to get pregnant on the wedding night!