Married before Wed?? Seriously...

I think we are going to be married this year. We're trying to get married 10/23/03 at the local court house.

Then next year we are getting 'wed' .. dress, dinner, the works. Wedding set for 10/23/04.

Is this terrible?

We're doing it because as I've said a million times, we are paying for this ourselves. So, we get like $600 IRS extra and more importantly FH gets dental coverage through my insurance. We're paying through the Teeth (no pun intended) for some major dental work he has to have done. ($6800). Being legal early helps us a bit. Next year he wouldnt have to renew his insurance at $4700 (annual) becase I could add his car to my policy for the 3 months he has left on this lease. Another point is, I have no passport, never really needed one before. So I figured I'd get it with my married name the first time and get it right. His passport is seriously outdated so we'd both have to update (his is british though).

Should I just hold off?
Or am I being logical to a fault?

I don't think it is a bad idea. FH and I discussed doing this so that he could go onto my insurance(he has none). But we decided against it because other issues.

Why don't you do it this year and keep it a secret from everyone. I wanted to do this, but we didn't. I think that would be SO romantic!!! Just a thought!

I completely understand the Insurance issue. Health insurance is so important. We are really lucky because where I work they have domestic partnership, so my FI has all of my benefits (health, dental, & eye). The criteria was we had to prove we lived to together for a year and we had to have at least one ccard in both our names for a year. That was easy for us, because we bought a house together, so we have a mortgage together. Anyway, if my work didn't have the domestic partnership benefit, we would have married much sooner.

I really realized how important health insurance was this past June, when my FI hurt his hand and had to have emergency hand surgery. If we didn't have the health insurance for him he would have had to pay 20,000 in medical bills.

So, IMO you need to do what is best for the two of you.

Plus, if you do plan the 'wed' later you have more time to enjoy the planning process instead of stress.

Good luck and do what is best for the both of you!

Are you two currently living together? If you have been living together for at least a year, he can get on your insurance without having to be married. It's considered a domestic partnership. I think it was put in place for gay couples, but it works for anyone living together too!

Just a thought

I think it's fine, a couple of our friends did it, but I considered doing it in January b/c I was going back to school and was flipping about not having health insurance or having to pay through my teeth.

I know it made me feel sad though. I knew logically that it shouldn't, but it did.

So, I had Peter look into getting me covered as a domestic partner through his insurance, and since we live together we found out that I can be covered! I've been on his insurance since February, but we didn't get married until July.

So, check into these things. All of these domestic partner clauses don't just help homosexuals, they work for those of us who live together too.

Same for car insurance, look into it.

If you're fine with the idea...great. But if not, look thoroughly into your other options.

Oh, and I wouldn't do it for the passport, you can always get that changed whenever. And, if you bring your marriage license w/your passport they don't usually give you a prob. if you have your maiden name on the passport.

lunatrek you read my mind

Oh, and we only had to both be on the lease, no time requirement for living together I think each insurance co. is diff.

My work has domestic partnership too.
Yes we've lived together in one form or another for about 2 years. No we don't qualify.

We have to have a lease (in writing) dated one year ago. He lived with me in my apartment with my roomies for while, then I moved in with him and his family (we're there now).
AND
We must ALSO have a financial bond for one year in writing. Lease, credit card, house, bank account or be a beneficiary for eachother.. in writing for one year.

Both must be met to qualify.

So no to the first requirement. Nothing was ever in writing. Even if we faked that, we can't qualify because of the second requirement.

I've been engaged before. Got left with nearly $6,000 in debt when things didn't work out.

So it's not that I don't trust FH or love him, just been burned and was very careful. Even now, I still have my own account.

We now share a bank account but he wouldn't qualify until June of Next year and then the benefits would only begin for domestic partners at Jan 1 of any given year so he'd have to wait till Jan 2005. But if you're married the benefits begin immediately.

'The Day' my wedding next year is very important to me. It's the 'ceremony', the 'ritual', the shariing of families I'll cherish from that day. But lets face it, the guy who says 'I pronouce you man and wife' is pretty much useless without a license anyhow. Marriage is a legal thing only. Spiritual by choice. Since neither of us have issues with a church (since neither of us attend one) that sorta makes things easier.

I'll still have a priest wed us next year, though.