Marry Your Baby Daddy

This is a real artical in todays Daily News:

BY ADAM NICHOLS
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Unwed parents are being seduced into wedlock by a New York writer fighting to reverse an anti-marriage trend.
Author Maryann Reid is tempting couples with kids to take the plunge in a high-profile, all-expenses paid event - called Marry Your Baby Daddy Day.

She is looking for 10 couples who will tie the knot in an effort to halt a trend that, she claims, has 70% of black parents living outside wedlock.

'Everybody in the African-American community knows a baby mama or a baby daddy,' she said, using slang terms to refer to single parents.

'It's almost become trendy in the black community to have children out of wedlock. I know women who feel discomfort about talking about marriage, as though this 'baby mama' stuff is the norm. It's embarrassing.

'I wanted to get the message out there that marriage is a good thing, that we should be increasing the amount of two-parent households.

'I want to turn baby mamas into wives.'

Reid, 29, of Brooklyn, is planning to offer couples a dream ceremony complete with wedding planners, dress designers, catering, honeymoon - even celebrity guests.

'We're working on a guest list right now,' she said.

'It's going to be an amazing day, but there's a lot of work to be done. We're still looking for the couples and for many of the vendors.

'It takes a year to organize a normal wedding. To bring together 10 weddings on one day is a huge undertaking.'

Already on board is dress designer Therez Fleetwood, whose clients include actresses Queen Latifah, Angela Bassett and the singing group En Vogue.

The Rev. Herbert Daughtry has agreed to officiate the ceremony in Brooklyn's House of the Lord church on Sept. 29.

He said, 'It falls within the values of the church that people should be married in a traditional sense, particularly where children are concerned.'

The couples should already be living together, said Reid.

'We're not trying to fix broken relationships,' she said. 'We prefer them to already have a strong loving base.'

Reid is known for writing about relationships in the black community.

The mass wedding is named after her latest book, Marry Your Baby Daddy, due for release in the fall. It tells of three sisters who must marry their children's fathers to inherit $3 million.

can they just help pay for
my reception.....i would be happy

Maybe they should be more worried about people's real, everyday commitment to one another and if they are up to the challenge of being married rather than just marrying them.

A wedding ceremony doesn't necessarily make two people's commitment to one another deeper. I just worry that they want to marry people off just so it 'looks good'

I'd prefer that all children have two loving parents... notice I didn't say married. I have plenty of students that come from 'nuclear families' and there are more wacky things going on in their home than in some of the single parent families.

Sorry so long... just my two cents.

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Posted by David'sbride

Maybe they should be more worried about people's real, everyday commitment to one another and if they are up to the challenge of being married rather than just marrying them.

A wedding ceremony doesn't necessarily make two people's commitment to one another deeper. I just worry that they want to marry people off just so it 'looks good'

I'd prefer that all children have two loving parents... notice I didn't say married. I have plenty of students that come from 'nuclear families' and there are more wacky things going on in their home than in some of the single parent families.

Sorry so long... just my two cents.

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I totally agree. I also read an editorial the other day that completely offended me. In it they equated having children out of wedlock with having a broken home. If the parents are not married, it's not considered a '2 parent household'. Of course FH and I are a perfect example. We're not married (yet ) but we have our beautiful daughter and we couldn't love each other more. My daughter is growing up in a '2 parent household' because she has both of us and we're not married.

I hope that made sense.

ok. i dont know how i feel about this

on one hand, the theory is good- only in the sense of challenging the 'stigma' that marriage is bad w/ in the community, and offering an alternative option to those that may not have considered it before...


BUTTTTTTTT (here we go )

on the OTHER hand... i find this sooo offensive!! first of all, if shes trying to 'erase' the negative connotation why the he!! would she name the show 'marry your baby daddy'?!?! i know its slang, and its one thing to say it in a social setting, But to make that the grounds for a wedding, i just dont agree with. I guess people define marriage in different ways, but i dont think i would want my man to say 'i married her b/c shes my baby mama'... i want him to marry me because he LOVES me. what kind of View of marriage is she perpetuating here?!

then, theres also the fact that i was raised by my MOM. she was a single parent, i never met my 'dad', and if she had stayed with my biological dad, who knows if either one of us would still be alive! I dont want to sound ignorant in not understanding where shes coming from, again, i do think her 'intentions' are good... but What message is this sending to single parents? that its 'Bad' to be a single parent? no offense (again, i dont mean to make a generalization) but i find myself alot more stable than many people i know who come from your 'nuclear family' setting.

alright.. im done for now... but i have a question...

obviously anyone who is on this board is here b/c they are thinking about marriage to the man that they love, and obviously, if i were going to get married anyway, i would Definately take the advantage to have all of these expenses covered. But, putting that aside, how do you feel about this article and its intentions?

(sorry for the rant... its been a long day)

And what if these couples relationships aren't actually stable enough for marriage? We all know what a committment it is and it is a tough union for some to take. I myself never HAD to get married. I would have been happy living with the man I love.
Have they actually taken into consideration what the divorce rate will be making people not ready for marriage automatically jump at this chance? And then where does that leave the children?

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'We prefer them to already have a strong loving base.'

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I understand what you're saying, rrdm, but i dont think that slapping rings on each other is the answer. Thats like taking a bottle of liquor away from an alcoholic (sorry for the bad example)... but thats a temporary solution to a permanent situation. Education, not a band aid, is the answer.
and with the quote above- i have to overanalyze here. 'PREFER'?!?! a strong loving base should be a Requirement and Priority for any marriage... not a preference. JMO

(i appologize if this came across as an attack, i TOTALLY do not mean it in that way... )

i believe that her goals for the 'END' result are genuine, but i cant say that i agree with This particular tactic. again, JMO

I tend to argee on the fact that it is a trend in a sense that the feeling of 'marraige first' is not being on the forefront, but I dont think its limited to AA woman/men...I think it may be more prevalant, but not limited ya know?

I dont like this idea at all, its silly..if these couples wanted to get married they would go to Town hall if they couldnt afford a wedding and if money was not an issue, they be'd married.

I dont see real lasting marriages coming from this.

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Posted by dm24angel

I tend to argee on the fact that it is a trend in a sense that the feeling of 'marraige first' is not being on the forefront, but I dont think its limited to AA woman/men...I think it may be more prevalant, but not limited ya know?

I dont like this idea at all, its silly..if these couples wanted to get married they would go to Town hall if they couldnt afford a wedding and if money was not an issue, they be'd married.

I dont see real lasting marriages coming from this.

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Sounds like a stunt to sell books.

i see both points as well.

its a tough topic really.

but i do see more and more people just having a 'baby mama' or 'baby daddy'.. and thats kind of disturbing that its becoming more and more accepted like its no big deal.

BUT every situation is different.
I cant really say too much b/c im not in the that perdicament.



...but maybe i should have a baby for tehm to give me a big wedding!

but honestly, if those people want to get married they will.... there are always options. so why push it?... then again.... its nice for teh people that truly DO want to be married.

BUT i think that if you love this person and want to marry him/her why not get married BEFORE teh baby is born..


gosh, there are so many angles to look at this!

i think everyone will agree though, that whatever is in the BABY'S best interest should come first and foremost.

I agree that this is a tough topic but sometimes marriage is not in the best interests of the baby. I personally know someone who was engaged when she got pregnant and they moved up the wedding date. They ended up divorced 8 months after the baby was born.

When I found out I was pg, marriage never entered my mind. I was comfortable just being with and being loved by FH. A lot of people tried to pressure us into getting married before giving birth 'for the sake of the baby'. I don't think we would have lasted this long if we would have bowed to the pressure.

yeah i can understand that completely....

things like that can end up making you and your SO resent one another.

i think its better for a baby to be raised by two parents that are at least amicable and NOT married rather than two that are and hate each other!

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Posted by Butterflybride

Yes, maybe she'll get couples to marry eachother and 'do the right thing,' but in return, these couples will probably end up adding to the climbing divorce rate. Couples shouldn't marry for the sake of marrying. Sometimes people are happier just being with eachother without that commitment, whether they have children or not.

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well said