I was just wondering if there are any other girls going through this... My FH was against a big wedding from the start. He wanted to do a destination wedding. He finally came around and agreed to have the big wedding on Long Island. Because he gave in on that issue, he feels that he should be allowed to make EVERY other decision!! Everything from where we will live to the Band/DJ at our wedding.
His family hasn't offered to pay for anything yet. My Mother is paying for the Reception, DJ/Band, my Dress, & my Shower -- the rest is up to FH & I. FH now wants to postpone the entire wedding because he says he'd rather wait until we can pay for the whole thing ourselves. He says my Mother is being 'too controlling' and I just go along with her -- but she is paying for most of the wedding and when I try to tell him that he says he'd just rather postpone it!
When he doesn't get his way on things (my Mom and I liked a band that he didn't), he runs home to 'vent to his mother' (his exact words) and doesn't speak to me for 4 days. Is this stuff normal?? Does everyone fight during their engagement? Help please!!!!
(Edited to clarify a sentence.)
Donna
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
I can't answer if he's a control freak, he sounds like one, but I don't know him to answer that. My question is why would you have to postpone the wedding. You say your mom is paying, you and he still have over a year to save for the other things.
I think you and your FH should sit down and talk about all of this.
MrsNYPDsGirl
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
He would want to postpone the wedding so he could afford to pay for the entire thing himself and do everything his way (as opposed to my mother's).
Bebalina
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
Posted by Donna
I can't answer if he's a control freak, he sounds like one, but I don't know him to answer that. My question is why would you have to postpone the wedding. You say your mom is paying, you and he still have over a year to save for the other things.
I think you and your FH should sit down and talk about all of this.
i agreee.....
2003fallwedding
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
You have over a year and a half to save...Just because mom is paying, is he afraid that mom will control the wedding plans?
lillian771
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
I'm sorry to say it but I don't think he is being fair to you. Since your mom is paying for most of the wedding, she is allowed to have some input. He should give his opinion, but you both should agree on the decisions for vendor, etc. His mother really shouldn't be going against you when she isn't forking over any money to help you guys pay for it.
Maybe you should sit down w/ FH and find out exactly why he's so against your suggestions. From what I've heard men give their two cents, but ultimately the bride's the one to make the decision, hopefully w/ groom's consent. He should ease up on you.
My parents are paying for our reception, my dress, and my shower...the rest is up to us because FH's parents also haven't mentioned that they'll be chipping in.
sophie78
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
I think you have to ask yourself if his behavior is limited to just wedding related stuff or does he act this way regarding other things in your relationship?
MrsNYPDsGirl
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
Posted by lillian771
From what I've heard men give their two cents, but ultimately the bride's the one to make the decision, hopefully w/ groom's consent. He should ease up on you.
That's the way I thought it would be also. When I brought that up to him earlier today, he said it's his wedding too and he wants to make sure his 100 guests have a good time. He then added that if we pick the band we just saw that his guests will definitely have an awful time at our wedding.
jennelishal
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
My fiance did not want the big wedding either and he still to this day brings it up, what if, what if, what if. My parents are paying for most of it also, all the same things as yours. The band thing is also an issue. he wanted a DJ, which I think is tacky, we booked the band. I was thinking that maybe I wrote this, I am walking in your shoes. Just give him specific things to do that he can be proud of since he wants to be so involved. Mine did the honeymoon. He is just being a baby (like mine) about calling of the wedding, i think everyone thinks about that going through this process, mine used to say it every time we booked something. Hang in there, I have a 'Groomzilla' too, your not alone.
Donna
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
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That's the way I thought it would be also. When I brought that up to him earlier today, he said it's his wedding too and he wants to make sure his 100 guests have a good time. He then added that if we pick the band we just saw that his guests will definitely have an awful time at our wedding.
I would ask him why wouldn't they like the band? I think one thing your FH has to remember is compromise. There is still time to see other bands so why don't you do that so you can compare? I think you and FH have to sit down and discuss what type of wedding you both want to have. Can you two afford that type of wedding? or do you need your mom's help? I wouldn't want to wait any longer than I'd have to to marry, so I'd take mom's money.
Spitzergirl
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
Posted by NYPDsGirl
He would want to postpone the wedding so he could afford to pay for the entire thing himself and do everything his way (as opposed to my mother's).
Please don't postpone it you have 1 year to save for it... I think, it is enough time with your mom helping out!!!!
What if he changes his mind on marrying Don't change the date. My fh is very...quiet when it comes to planning..I wish I could get him involved!!! It is so annoying.. My mom is the only one contributing to my wedding and it is no problem.
Is your Groomzilla...striking all of your ideas down? Maybe he is very spoiled.
brideinapril
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
Posted by am470
I think you have to ask yourself if his behavior is limited to just wedding related stuff or does he act this way regarding other things in your relationship?
I'm afraid I have to agree with this. Is he just being controlling over the wedding or does everything have to be his way - or no way???
fall2005bride
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
my FIL's arent paying for and didn't even offer to help with our wedding in any way. my parents and Fh and I are doing it all... in my opinion since your mom is helping with the wedding, she is entitled to some say over where her money is going! I think your FH should realize that-is he getting problems from his family about all of this and therefore taking it out on you?
jcdesignz
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
i know this may sound a bit harsh - and please dont feel like i am being that way... but
i think that you and your FH need to sit down and talk about this sooner than later - a wedding is one thing - and of course it is a big deal -
but marriage is another thing- you need to make sure that he wont be this way about other important things that come up in your lifetime together... for example kids...
so you guys should talk about this asap!
violet
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
He should be grateful your mom's paying for reception. That is a lot of money! He needs to realize it's up to both of you and that you have to compromise things.
nferrandi
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Re: Marrying a GROOM-ZILLA! ...Long Vent!
I think most of us have faught with FH at one point or another during the planning process, but it seems that you and your FH have a lot to talk about. It may just be his way of handling things, as other girls suggested, but to suggest postponing a wedding that's scheduled for over a year and half away, is a bit much, at least in my opinion. Your mom should have a say in how her $$ is spent, but it is your FHs wedding too and you both need to be happy with the final decisions. There is still plenty of time to shop around for vendors that please you both. Sit down and talk to him and see what he wants the wedding to be like and explain to him your expectations of that day. I'm sure you two can find common ground and make some sacrifices along the way for the greater good.
