Dont be fooled by the title of the post, he IS divorced, LOL. Has anyone on the board ever been through an annullment? We cannot be married in the Catholic Church without one, and Im not sure its worth the trouble, as much as I want to be married in the church. Im not an overly religious person and I do not go to church regularly. I dont even know where to start to find someone to marry us.
Can anyone help?
Thanks
micmar
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Re: Marrying an already married man
Hi, my fiance is divorced & I went through the same feelings as you. It all depends upon how long you are willing to wait - because annulments do not happen overnight & are much more involved than one would think. I, like you, was concerned about not being able to get married in a catholic church, so I looked into the annulment for my FI. Well, it is a long process that is not cheap (at least $1,000) and involves contacting the ex, having friends who know both of them fill out questionnaires, getting approval from the church, etc. Anyway, long story short, I decided to not demand he go through with this. Instead, we are getting married in an Episcopal church. You should look into this, their service is very similar to the Catholic church & there are some beautiful Episcopal churches on the island. Just a thought; at first I was not happy about not being able to get married in the church I grew up in, but now I realized that I will be marrying the man I love and it will be blessed by God & the church. In my eyes, his marriage is over so I don't feel that paying money will change that. Hope that helps, good luck...
Kris77
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Re: Marrying an already married man
You are so right. Thank you so much. I think we are going to have a Minister marry us at our reception site. I too, wish I could get married in my childhood church, but honestly, I feel like a hipocrite making him go through all that, and Im not even religious.
Thanks so much for your reply.
littlebookworm4
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Re: Marrying an already married man
Mine's waiting for his papers still! We're just having an officiant do our ceremony. Neither one of us are religious but Methodist churches will usually do a ceremony.
micmar
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Re: Marrying an already married man
Not a problem. I know exactly what you are going through. At first I was so set on making him get one, then I thought, I'm not super-religious & there are alternatives. If you do happen to go back to wanting a church wedding, definitely look into an Episcopal church - I went to a few masses at the church I'm getting married in & you will not notice much of a difference, it's the closest to Catholic that you will get!! Good luck...
LuckyMe
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Re: Marrying an already married man
Im actually going through this now and I may not get my anullment by May 2006 I was told but everyones goes at a different pace. My FBIL also went through this and it took slightly less than a year. He made it just in time for his wedding this May. We thought about finding a place like the historical chapel and having a catholic deacon come in.
SweetCin704
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Re: Marrying an already married man
I'm going through this process now through the Brooklyn diocese. It is a lot of paperwork and getting people you care about to write very detailed, very thought out answers to your background, your ex's background and your life as a dating/married couple. You also have to meet with a diocese rep and they try to contact your ex. It is about $1100. I believe the next step is going before a priest.
To me it is worth it b/c I'd really like to start my life off in the church and it is FH's first marriage and I feel he deserves to have it.
Like the others I considered an episcopal church, but after a lot of thought and such I decided to go through with it.
To me it is also putting the past to rest and making you consider issues and perhaps seeing where you went wrong the first time around.
Feel free to FM me if you have any further q's.
akaMrsT
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Re: Marrying an already married man
Hmmmm. I am not Catholic and do not understand the annulment process at all. If you get an annulment, is it lik eyou were NEVER married? What if you have kids from that marriage?
Neither of us is Catholic, I'm just curious.
Donna&Joe708
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Re: Marrying an already married man
I went through an annulment about two years ago. It took about 9 months or so from start to finish. I had to write a long account about what went wrong in the marriage and then I had to get two witnesses to write out their thoughts as well. I believe it cost about $1100 at the time. After that was all said and done, I had to meet with a priest and talk about what I had written. I didn't have to contact my ex-husband at all, the church did that. If you want any further information, please FM me. Good luck with your decision.
nov04LIbride
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Re: Marrying an already married man
Posted by kdrainey
Hmmmm. I am not Catholic and do not understand the annulment process at all. If you get an annulment, is it lik eyou were NEVER married? What if you have kids from that marriage?
Neither of us is Catholic, I'm just curious.
That's what I don't understand. One of my mother's friend's ex-husband was getting remarried after they divorced after 35 years of marriage--his new wife insisted on an annulment--his ex said ohhhh tell your 4 b@stard children you were never married before then! How odd that that is better in the eyes of the church than having been married before...
SweetCin704
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Re: Marrying an already married man
Kdrainey, the annulment makes it as if the marriage had never happened in the eyes of the church. However, they say it does not make children illegitimate. You also need to be divorced first b/4 getting an annulment.
In the eyes of the church a couple is marriage till death do they part, so an annulment makes previous marriage void.
It is based on 7 or so principles that make it invalid...
Sorry I'm rushed (on lunch at school).
akaMrsT
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Re: Marrying an already married man
Posted by SweetCin704
Kdrainey, the annulment makes it as if the marriage had never happened in the eyes of the church. However, they say it does not make children illegitimate. You also need to be divorced first b/4 getting an annulment.
In the eyes of the church a couple is marriage till death do they part, so an annulment makes previous marriage void.
It is based on 7 or so principles that make it invalid...
Sorry I'm rushed (on lunch at school).
Wow!!! I didn't know that was how it worked - you can void a marriage. Sounds odd. Marriage (in principle) is til death in all religions/churches, right? But methodist (and other churches) require no annulment? It's all very interesting.
At least the kids are not affected as much though since the couple is already divorced before the annulment.
Thanks for the info.
hmm8191
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Re: Marrying an already married man
Posted by kdrainey
Posted by SweetCin704
Kdrainey, the annulment makes it as if the marriage had never happened in the eyes of the church. However, they say it does not make children illegitimate. You also need to be divorced first b/4 getting an annulment.
In the eyes of the church a couple is marriage till death do they part, so an annulment makes previous marriage void.
It is based on 7 or so principles that make it invalid...
Sorry I'm rushed (on lunch at school).
Wow!!! I didn't know that was how it worked - you can void a marriage. Sounds odd. Marriage (in principle) is til death in all religions/churches, right? But methodist (and other churches) require no annulment? It's all very interesting.
At least the kids are not affected as much though since the couple is already divorced before the annulment.
Thanks for the info.
What they are saying is that one person did not have enough information to go into the sacrament of marriage freely because either the other partner was not truthful with them or because they were receiving outside pressure. Because the Catholic Church considers marriage a sacrament not just a legal binding commitment there are things that can be grounds for a legal divorce but not an annulment.
xjulietx
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Re: Marrying an already married man
Wow. This thread is very helpful. My brother and his wife and in the process of filing for divorce and my brother wants an annulment as well. He believes he entered the marriage under false pretenses and I think I am going to be asked to write some personal experiences with her and why they were not suited for marriage.
micmar
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Re: Marrying an already married man
An annulment just means that in the eyes of the church the marriage never existed. It's really a personal preference if you feel it's necessary. I wanted my FI to get one, but decided later I didn't think it was worth the wait, cost, emotional effect etc. And we still are getting married in a church, ust not Catholic.
