May be too heavy for a Friday on NWR, but. ..

I need help.

How do you help your DH when he's going through a hard time, dealing with tragedy?

Mine does not wear his heart on his sleeve by any means. But I know he's hurting deeply. I spend every minute when I'm not with him thinking of how I can console him. When I'm with him and there is silence, I think, 'Should I be asking how he feels or should I let him deal with his feelings and he'll let me know when he needs me' So I ask and he says he's ok. I hug him, he says 'I love you. Thank you for everything'. But I feel like I'm not doing anything for him.

I'm rambling I know.

Lots of hugs and kisses. Thats what I do when there is a topic he is not yet ready to discuss. I let him know I am there forhim in other ways

Is there anything special you can do for him like cooking his favorite meal or sending him to his favorite place? He would know you were doing something special for him to cheer him up without saying anything...

for you

&

that he is able to get through this

I think it's ok to 'check in' with him, but he may need to just be within himself kinda. He seems to know that you are wherever he needs you to be...when and if he is ready, he'll come knockin on your door I am sure.

keep up the hugs...remind him that there are still good things happening in his life, even though there is also pain right now.

If you need me to come over and wrestle him, I will. I can take him even though he's the Big Man.

so many and to you both.

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Posted by JXNOscar

Lots of hugs and kisses. Thats what I do when there is a topic he is not yet ready to discuss. I let him know I am there forhim in other ways

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Ditto

When DH's Grandmother died, he didn't break down either. He was strong for his Mom, who was a wreck. It was the first time he had a tragedy in his family, so I didn't know what to expect.

I struggled with the same. I sat him down and told him that I know he's being strong for his Mom but he doesn't have to be strong for me. He talked about it, albeit matter of factly, and I would ask him questions about things here and there.

He never really had a good cry, just quiet ones here and there, at the worst parts. He greived privately but I made sure he knew that he could count on me.

I did special things for him instead. Woke up early and did his chores before he had a chance to, baked him his favorite cookies, etc.

Everyone handles it differently, and you want to be what they need. But if they need to do it quietly and privately, understanding that is the best thing you can do for them.

I'm sorry for his pain, and for yours.

I am the type of person who “doesn’t where my heart on my sleeve” – and I can tell you, how I felt - being the one in the relationship who went through a tragedy... that your presence and your love are enough.

When/if he wants to let his emotions spill out, he will know where to find you (at his side).

Sometimes, there isn’t anything that has to be said – and for me personally – I needed the time to reconcile my own feelings, to sort everything out inside.

So there were many, many silent moments. Don’t let that be uncomfortable for you, or feel like you have to fill those silences. And that maybe he is quiet and waiting for you to have something really prophetic and meaningful to say.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me – those were the most comforting, hopeful times. Feeling like I had someone with me who I knew felt my pain with out having to express it in words.

I guess I am rambling now, and being way personal (which is weird) – but I hope something in there made sense.

You don’t need to do anything more than what you are now.

I hug him, he says 'I love you. Thank you for everything'.

__________
This is all that matters and lets you know that you're helping him in the only way you know how. That's all he wants, and I'm sure when he does need more from you he will tell you.

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Posted by itslaurie.

I am the type of person who “doesn’t where my heart on my sleeve” – and I can tell you, how I felt - being the one in the relationship who went through a tragedy... that your presence and your love are enough.

When/if he wants to let his emotions spill out, he will know where to find you (at his side).

Sometimes, there isn’t anything that has to be said – and for me personally – I needed the time to reconcile my own feelings, to sort everything out inside.

So there were many, many silent moments. Don’t let that be uncomfortable for you, or feel like you have to fill those silences. And that maybe he is quiet and waiting for you to have something really prophetic and meaningful to say.

I can’t speak for anyone else, but for me – those were the most comforting, hopeful times. Feeling like I had someone with me who I knew felt my pain with out having to express it in words.

I guess I am rambling now, and being way personal (which is weird) – but I hope something in there made sense.

You don’t need to do anything more than what you are now.

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this is all true, and may be universal for people who are turtles, like me (and pull themselves inside their own private protective shell)

the hugs and the I love you really are wonderful. so comforting, so perfect, and sometimes, so ALL that is needed.

You've gotten some great advice here (another 'turtle' speaking) -- so I just want to add to the

Thank you all.

Marlo, I know it doesn't seem that way, but you ARE doing something for him. We all hate that helpless feeling, esp when it comes to our loved ones, but sometimes just being there is all that you can do.

I'd give him some extra attention, cook his favorite dinner. Take care of some things that he usually handles, just to lighten his load. Most importantly, shower him with hugs and kisses and lend that shoulder for him to cry/lean on.

Remind him that no matter what the future holds, the 2 of you will get through it together. He isn't alone in whatever he is struggling with and you're there to share the burden. Trust in your faith, beleive that hope and prayer will get you through this difficult time.

I wish the both of you nothing but the best.

I agree with all said above...

I'm so sorry for the both of you. A million and for you both!