Mean MOH

My MOH (probably former MOH) is not interested in my wedding plans at all. I know I'm not getting married untill 2007, but I've been engaged for 8 months. She refuses to look at reception places with me, and she doesnt even want to hear me talk about the wedding.... I'm not sure what do do. The problem runs much deeper I guess. But Should I tell her I would rather her not be the maid of honor? I kind of want to but I don't want to be mean. Help

Well, none of my bridesmaids would have realistically had the time to look at reception places with me. They would have if they had more time, but that is a lot to ask. They were available by phone if I wanted advice about how to pick a place and about the places I saw. I think that is all you should really ask. BUT-----I have a feeling that with your MOH, that was just one example of many ways in which she has proven to be not interested. It could get REALLY difficult to have a long engagement with a MOH that you kinda wish you never selected. Don't just keep her in that position if you don't want it.

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Posted by KerriSteve

My MOH (probably former MOH) is not interested in my wedding plans at all. I know I'm not getting married untill 2007, but I've been engaged for 8 months. She refuses to look at reception places with me, and she doesnt even want to hear me talk about the wedding.... I'm not sure what do do. The problem runs much deeper I guess. But Should I tell her I would rather her not be the maid of honor? I kind of want to but I don't want to be mean. Help

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I think that you should just talk to her, tell her that you feel she has been a little 'odd' when it comes to talking about your wedding, see what she says.
I agree though, that if she still is not interested in hearing about it, dont keep her as your MOH. She is supposed to be someone to be by your side and lift your spirits...obviously she is having an adverse effect. But talk to her first.
HTH...

I have to be honest here. Why would you want your MOH going to look at places with you? That's something you and FI should be doing together. MAYBE your (or his) parents too if they're kickking $$$ in towards the wedding.

My BMs are there to stand up by my side for my wedding. Maybe I'm different than most brides, but I don't want or expect my BM's to have ANYTHING to do with the planning process. My wedding, my decisions. They'll be there to help in the final preparations if I need/want them to(folding programs, getting favors together, keep me calm with lots of wine). But that's about it.

I just think (remember-this is MY opinion, not a judgement) that to kick someone out of your wedding (someone you find importeant enough in your life that you asked her to be your MOH) because she's not showing enough 'interest' almost 2 years out seems a bit harsh. Sadly, the reality is no one cares about your wedding as much as you do(and FI, moms and dads I suppose).

This may be catty- but sometimes I feel like some brides lose sight of the fact that our BM and MOH are our nearest and dearest. We choose them because they are the people we love most, NOT because they make a great assistants.

Amy

Sadly, the reality is no one cares about your wedding as much as you do(and FI, moms and dads I suppose).

i totally agree with this. the wedding is the most important day to us, but i think you have to remember that the girls have lives of their own, so you can't expect them to be there for every part of the wedding planning...i would cut her some slack... as long as she doesn't act like this when you ask her to go shopping with you for her dress, you're fine
my sister was my maid of honor, and i could barely get her to ask me for the list for the shower.... she just isn't into the whole wedding thing... some girls aren't... but in the end, shes my sister and the only one i would have wanted up there next to me at the wedding.... i think you have to pick and choose your battles

talk to her and find out where she really is with all of this.

I wish I had done that with my two MOH's (both my sisters) because honestly, they were just in a different stage in life, and didn't have the time to do a lot of things I wanted them to do and it caused me nothing but stress and aggravation.

talk to here and then go from there. She might be relieved once you open a dialogue about this with her.

I am sure it has nothing to do with you but probably because the wedding is over 2 years away. Right now its this non-tangible event to her. As time goes on I am sure she will come around.

I would also wiat (unless its too late) to ask others to be in the bridal party. A lot can change in 2 years thats for sure!

To be honest....beacuse of jobs, families, and their own lives- we brides cant ask that much of our moh's except to buy a dress and shoes, host or go to the shower and show up on the wedding day.

And since you still have 2 years to go, you cant expect her to be that excited or involved cause theres nothing to be involved in.

Give it time

sounds to me like she's your MOH out of obligation, not love.

definitely time for a new MOH!

Good luck!