I'm a practicing catholic, my boyfriends family is Jewish but not even close to practicing. They dont even celebrate Hanukah or Passover. My future MIL is forcing us to have a rabbi at my church where we are getting married. She's threatening her family wont come. I think its inappropriate being they dont ever celebrate any holidays. What do I do???? Help please, I'm losing it.
SeaMaiden
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Re: MIL forcing a rabbi
Well, how does FH feel about it? ultimately, it dosent matter what the family thinks(i know thats easy to say) and the decision if yours and his. Is he religious? Have you talked about how you would celebrate holidays and what religion your children would be if you have/are going to have any? This is your ceremony and you should follow through with your own personal religious beliefs, not be bribed my family !
DrWho
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If they don't come, they don't come. Since it sounds like they don't go to temple anyway, I can't imagine why they'd boycott if there's no rabbi.
rkl1130
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How does FH feel about it? Ultimately, the decision is yours and your FH's. For some reason, people become very religious when it comes to weddings. My thought is--do whatever you and FH want because it's YOUR wedding and if they come, they come...I'm sure that's just an idle threat though because they wouldn't want to miss it.
cantwait84
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not to stir the pot, but my family is jewish and not religious, if i got married by only a priest or a minister they would flip, i think its only fair to include both.
milana
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honestly, my family is not that religous either, we do celebrate hannukah and passover though, so if didnt have a rabbi....well lets just say that would never happen.... lol! Hopefully you can try to understand why she wants a rabbi there even though they are not religious, this is something obviously important to his mother and understandable.
tdebe
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I agree with talking to FH about it. If he doesn't want a rabbi there, then let him deal with his family. You don't want to battle his family about not having a rabbi because you're not jewish, but if he's the one that doesn't want it, then let him handle the problems with his family this way they don't see you as the enemy or unwilling to accept his faith.
dancerandchef
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This is a talk that you and FH need to have.
~dancer and chef~
diva7531
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Yeah I think it is about what you and FH want, if he doesn't care then maybe you shouldn't either. In the long run will you remember there being a rabbi there or the huge fight and rift it could possibly cause between you and his mom. I know I am playing Devil's advocate, but I know I have to deal w/ his mom for the rest of her life and she is going to be my kids grandma, so I want a good relationship. I think your FMIL is dead wrong in threatening not to be there, but you can't change people! GL and if possible let FH deal w/ her on this issue!
LaurenluvsTJ
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Posted by cantwait84
not to stir the pot, but my family is jewish and not religious, if i got married by only a priest or a minister they would flip, i think its only fair to include both.
I agree with this.. for whatever reason, weddings stir up things about religion that don't exist in normal life. DH and I are also interfaith - we go married by an interfaith minister. my mom freaked out when she heard her title was 'reverend' until I could prover to her that rev. is used in both religions. It worked out well for us to use someone non-denominational, but if you are going to have a priest it is fair to represent DH's faith as well, even if he is non-practicing. As easy as it is to say its your and FH's wedding, you ARE going to be marrying into this family, and you don't want there to be feelings of resentment from day one.
Kara and Todd
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If it's something your FH wants or isn't opposed to, what exactly would be the harm?
Even if he isn't practicing right now, it's still a part of who he is. I think it would be appropriate to have that represented at the wedding, so long as your FH wants it there.
I certainly wouldn't be opposed to the idea...
LeeLee111
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Thanks everyone for the input, the insight helps!!!
LitBallerinaGirl
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How annoying. Sorry that happened to you!
Dee9503
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Posted by LitBallerinaGirl
How annoying. Sorry that happened to you!
I don't think 'annoying' is the term for a mother wanting her son's faith represented at his wedding.
I agree with the other posters who say what is the harm in representing his faith during the ceremony? Interfaith ceremonies are beautiful and they display a piece of both religions not just one or the other.
Mrs.NicolaXoXo
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I think that you have to respect your FH's and his families tradition. This may be imortant to them because they are Jewish. I'm getting married in a Catholic Church and I'm a Christian-but I'm doing it for the family. I know in my heart why I'm there! Good luck
the future mrs m
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why do mils have to be soooo difficult sometimes. I love my future mil... good luck. xo
If it's something your FH wants or isn't opposed to, what exactly would be the harm?
Even if he isn't practicing right now, it's still a part of who he is. I think it would be appropriate to have that represented at the wedding, so long as your FH wants it there.
I certainly wouldn't be opposed to the idea...
I totally agree. Your fh might not be a 'practicing' Jew, but he is still Jewish. Both my fh and I are Jewish - his family doesn't celebrate ANY of the holidays, but there was never any question that we would be married by my Rabbi. I think if you're getting married in a Church, the least you could do is have a Rabbi there to co-officiate.... JMO - I don't mean to be rude or insensitive!
