Military Issues...

Hey all,

So this past Fall, I was really upset, because I thought that my brother was going to be deployed to Afghanistan during my wedding...

I looked into changing the date, which is hard enough to begin with...because the only reason I can afford Flowerfield is that I picked a date in February and ended up with an even better deal, because they accidentally were double-booked with us (which never, ever happens with them and they more than made up for it).

Now, my mother has passed away, and my father and I don't have the best relationship...he doesn't keep me informed of anything he hears having to do with the family- particularly my brother.

I just found out that my father has known for a while now that my brother will be deployed after all in a few months. I am relieved to say that he won't be going to Afghanistan, but to something in the Mediterranean? although, I really know nothing about it...b/c no one tells me much.

Anyway, my family is the most important thing in the world to me...especially my brother- my only brother, who is one year younger than me and means the world to me. I don't know who to talk to about it right now...I've had so many personal issues with the wedding, and right when I'm starting to get excited about it, I'm going to have a big breakdown all over again...

:( Anyone else have any issues like this?

I don't have any stories to help or any advice, but I just wanted to send you along some and wish you all the best with your planning!

We tried to plan our wedding around my brother-in-law's military leave during his second deployment in Afghanistan, and they put off his leave by two months so he wasn't able to make it to the wedding. My father actually made a really touching part of his toast dedicated to my BIL, who got to see it on the video a few months later and was really touched. I know it's not ideal, but your brother can still be a part of your special day even if he's not there in person. I've heard of people in the past making life-size cardboard cutouts of the missing military man and having him in pictures that way (a little cutesy, but could be sweet).

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, and that your relationship with your father is strained. It sounds like you will have to be more proactive about reaching out to your brother to find out what's going on.

Hope things get better, and definitely feel free to keep venting on here. That's what we're here for!

I'm sorry your sooo upset. I have some experience with the military (my brother served and FH is currently serving).

If it makes you feel better, my brothers platoon was recently deployed on a ship and he was not allowed to tell us where he was going or what he is up to. Its hard to deal with, but hanging on to those few conversations you do get is very important.

As someone marrying into the military I can't bash it, but I can tell you it is very difficult at times, especially with all the confidentiality and the control that the military has. It makes it extremely difficult to plan.

If you can, try and talk to your brother. I have heard stories of military personel coming home from overseas for certain things. (I don't want to get your hopes up... but it is something to bring up with him).

I hope your situation gets better... I'm here to chat if you need.

Fh is currently active duty so as bad is it's going to sound, when dealing with the military I can definitely tell you take everything with a grain of salt. They are constantly changing times, dates and pretty much everything on very short notice.

I have also heard of certain instances when people can come home from deployments. I have never heard of anyone coming home from Iraq or Afghanistan but deployments elsewhere he can most likely take a week or two off and come home. He will most likely have to pay for it out of pocket though. Recently FH was deployed to Guam and two people in his shop came home for personal reasons.

The best advice I could give you is don't get your hopes up but definitely tell him to inquire about the situation.

Good luck!!

Thank you girls so much! That was definitely helpful..

And I posted that in such a rush...I didn't mean to sound so negative- I was definitely NOT trying to bash the military...my uncle is also a colonel, and I know that things are constantly changing, and that it's because people are working tirelessly and sacrificing everything for us. I just got upset, because my father knew stuff that he didn't tell me (and I know my father- it wasn't anything he was told not to share with me- it was just that he doesn't let me know any info he gets about our family til I ask about it- whether it's about a cousin's birthday party or what). And I love my father dearly- our relationship has gotten much better (since I moved out), but there are still things like that which are so hard to deal with.

Just, if it's in my control, whatever I have to do- put it off a year somehow- whatever....if there were some way I could be sure he was there, I'd pursue it full force...it's just hard to know what to do, since things do always change.

Thanks again <3

Im so sorryyyyyyy! i cant say i EXACTLY how you feel but one of FH's brothers is a west point grad and theres a big chance he may be deployed to a afghanistan too a few months before our weddng. It is very sad and im sorry you have to go through this.

I am sorry for the loss of your mother