Missing gift etiquette?

What would you do if a month after the wedding you were still missing a number of gifts from people who you were sure were the type to give it to you at the wedding?

1) Call them immediately, tell them you think that some gifts were lost by the catering hall, and ask them about it?

2) Wait a couple of months and call them - asking the same question as above.

3) Don't call, but let them know in passing the next time you are speaking with them.

4) Don't ever call and let it go. It's just not proper etiquette.

5) Other?

Would your answer change if the missing gifts pretty much came from guests who were all sitting at the same table and likely would have handed them to the groom or bride at the same time?

Thanks.

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Posted by babydoc

What would you do if a month after the wedding you were still missing a number of gifts from people who you were sure were the type to give it to you at the wedding?

1) Call them immediately, tell them you think that some gifts were lost by the catering hall, and ask them about it?

2) Wait a couple of months and call them - asking the same question as above.

3) Don't call, but let them know in passing the next time you are speaking with them.

4) Don't ever call and let it go. It's just not proper etiquette.

5) Other?

Would your answer change if the missing gifts pretty much came from guests who were all sitting at the same table and likely would have handed them to the groom or bride at the same time?

Thanks.

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It depends. Do you care about the perception these guests will have afterward

I ask because I attended a wedding on 8/13/05, had been in a wedding on 8/6/05 out of town, went to a bridal shower, baby shower and have to attend another baby shower on Saturday. In between all of this I went out of town to VA for a week.

I wrote all of that so you know the background.

So, for the wedding on 8/13/05 (close friend from grad school) I intended to pick up a money holder for the check. My plan was to drive from Brooklyn to the wedding (in Putnam County) with my fiance. He ended up having to work so I caught a ride with a friend in the Bronx. I stopped to pick up the money holder on the way and the card store that has been going 'out of business' for about 2 years really did close. I ran late (took the subway to the Bronx) and did not have time to stop.

At the wedding, I asked my friend if they had moved already (since I know they are moving this month) and she said no. When I got to VA the next day, I picked up a money holder and put the check in the envelope.

This is the relevant part

On Sunday afternoon, my cell phone rang and it was the bride. I thought something was wrong but learned that they had not left for the honeymoon yet. She said that her husband was afraid he had 'misplaced my envelope' since he recalled me handing it to him at the wedding. They did not register so they expected money I suppose She said they wanted to alert me so that I could cancel 'my check.'

I told her that he did not misplace it because I had not given him one. I told her that I mailed it and reminded her that I asked if she moved yet to be sure it would go to the right address.

I was not offended by this at all since she is a good friend and knows I would never 'stiff' her She did however tell me that some close family members and bridal party members did not give her a gift (not even a card).

My sister was with me during this phone call and she was totally offended My sister said it was rude to assume that I gave an envelope (cash/check) and that it was some kind of 'guilt trip' to make me send a check if I had not already sent some other gift (off the non-existent registry).

So, I wrote all of that to say it depends on the guests and the perception you think they will have after you mention the missing gifts. If they are like me, a check is in the mail If you really do believe the gifts were lost, by all means call them.

Also, guests do have a year to send a gift assuming they plan to send something at all.

Ive read something like this somewhere and I remember it saying that you can expect to recieve gifts up to 1 year after your wedding!!!! As insane as that sounds!

Depending on how you feel about it, maybe its best to leave it alone, but you can always have someone else call and say that they brought your gifts and envelopes home and you cant figure out what is from who and ask what they gave you...sneaky but it doesnt sound as bad as calling and saying I didnt recieve a gift from you....

HTH

Maybe try pretending like you got a gift with no card on it. Ask 'Oh, I meant to ask you, were you the ones who gave me that great toaster oven? I got the gift with there was no card and thought it might be you.' Of course they didn't give you the toaster oven because there was no toaster oven so they'll say 'oh I gave you a check/ vase/ place setting' then you could comment that you will have to contact the hall/store because you never found it. Then they'll know you never rec'd it.

But then who am I kidding? I'm such a wimp I'd just make my mom ask when I wasn't around!

toaster oven!!!
That is a good one

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Posted by BRIDEMICHELE

Maybe try pretending like you got a gift with no card on it. Ask 'Oh, I meant to ask you, were you the ones who gave me that great toaster oven? I got the gift with there was no card and thought it might be you.' Of course they didn't give you the toaster oven because there was no toaster oven so they'll say 'oh I gave you a check/ vase/ place setting' then you could comment that you will have to contact the hall/store because you never found it. Then they'll know you never rec'd it.

But then who am I kidding? I'm such a wimp I'd just make my mom ask when I wasn't around!

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Thats probably the easiest way to get around it.....not a bad idea. To make it less obvious, you can say a Lenox picture frame, etc. something that wouldnt sound too out of the ordinary as a possible wedding gift....

Did anyone ever hear the story about the couple who was invited to a wedding, they replied that they would go, but didn't because it was raining . Their excuse was that they thought the wedding would be post-poned. So the bride sent them a bill for the 2 dinners that she paid for. They talked about this on Z100 a while back, by the way, love Elvis. I would be sooooo mad if I was the bride, but I could never do that. I thought it was histerical.