MOB VENT - DO I HAVE to put her in my wedding party?

Ok here is the deal and real story. Turns out my Aunt is not coming to my e-party because she is going to vegas and will miss monday and tuesday from work so she can't miss friday to come to my party.

Well both my mom and I are very upset by this - mom says it makes it more ackward b/c they went to my counsin's e-parties (he had 2) and now they feel that they can't go to my other cousins wedding.

Well Mom calls me today and says to me - have you considered having your cousin in the wedding. I think it would make a difference in your aunts behavior. I told her I really didn't want her in the wedding b/c we are not really close. All the time growing up she used to try to get me in trouble, she would destroy and break stuff that I owned when we were younger. Well now that we are older we get along for short periods of time only. FH said she wouldn't put you in her's why should you feel that you should put her in yours-so I made my original decision NOT to put her in it.

NOW mom is telling me I CAN'T give her my decision tonight but that I HAVE to think about it and talk with her tomorrow. Mom tells me I don't have to but that I should give it extremely strong consideration and she would advise I put her in and my aunts behavior will then change.

Now I have mixed feelings about this. It is important to me that my only aunt be at these things (I'm her only neice as well).

1) Won't she be more offended that I invite her now? Won't that look like I'm putting her in to appease people?

2) She is in Texas - we have already ordered the dresses (vera wang) won't that be a problem?

3) I have only spoken to her 2 times in 10 years - once when my grandmother died and we went to texas for the funeral and the other was in april 2001 for her brother wedding.

Help I know there will be more issues with my mother if I don't put her in (my mother is finally starting to work with me on the wedding and not bug me constantly)

Sorry this is so long and rambling I'm just upset

My mom gave me a lecture that I have to have 4 girls for BM's and not 3. I told her its my day and I dont have anyone else I want to put in the party. So mom started naming girls. I said no, its my day.

So I agree JUST SAY NO!

your mothers not right,
why put someone you dont care about in your bp.... if you want throw an extra reading into the ceremony and give it to one of them

NO!!! Absolutely not!! and you have to stand strong on this! I totally understand what its like to have such strong pressure from your mom on this but you have to stand strong in your decision...think about it this way... is your cousin going to be all supportive and there for you as a bridesmaid is supposed to be? It doesn't sound like it...is just 'appeasing' everyone going to make you happy in the long run? I could be wrong but it sounds as if your cousin doesn't even care one way or the other, and that's not what a bridesmaid should be...why can't your aunt behave like she's supposed to, without being selfish or getting something in return? I don't mean to sound harsh, but you're her only niece, she should be happy for you no matter what. I know you're upset about it but she's the one who should feel bad, because you're not doing anything wrong. It's your wedding, you're the one whose opinion matters most!

It sounds like you already know what you want to do. Pretend to think it over tonight and let your mom know tomorrow that the answer is still no. Think about it, this is your day. Do you really want someone that you don't particularly get along with hanging around you all day? And in a bunch of the pictures? It's your decision. Good luck!

Absolutley NOT!!!! It would be a thorn on your side that you don't need. Remember she will be in your photos & if you don't talk to her it would be akward. Tell your mother if she is this upset over it. TO call her sister (or SIL) and tell her. Why do people like to stress brides???

Can't your Aunt talk to her bosses? There is no way I'd miss anything important in my nieces life!!!

You are absoultely right. My mom's closest cousin is coming to our wedding and we are only inviting one out of her (my mom's cousin's) 4 sons. Because if I had to pick them out in a line up, I would not know who they are. And the one son I feels makes an effort to keep in touch with our family and the others do not.

But then have the gall to ask her to be in the wedding party, inviting is one thing but in the wedding party???? No way!!!!!

I say don't invite her to be in your BP! What's the point of inviting a person into your BP for the sole reason that another person might behave differently if this were so??!! Your aunt has made her choice, clearly a bad one at that! Perhaps she will come around but honestly, you learn real quick when you're planning a wedding who you can rely on. Let it go and concentrate on YOU. You are the important one here not people who are wishy washy on attending. It will be great regardless of a few missing people. I wish you the best!