MOH Dilemia (long sry)

I've been having several issues with my MOH and I'm not sure how to go about handling this. My MOH and I have been best friends for over 20 years. We've done everything together, and have always talked about when we each get married that we would be each other's MOH's. When I told my MOH that I was engaged, she was so happy and took it upon herself to start doing her 'MOH duties'.

Well here's the problem. For the past 3 months, I have been having a hard time trying to get in touch with her. She doesn't respond to my text messages, doesn't answer or return missed phone calls. I even resulted to emailing her on FB, and she hasn't responded back, BUT has been online. She has missed every single one of her dress appointments, and any other function that she said she will come to, but never does. I also recently found out that she is dating my ex-fiance. Him and I had a very intense relationship, but had an extremely abusive past; therefore you can see my concern for my best friend dating a man like that. I'm not even that upset that she's dating him, it's the fact that she knows what I went through with him, knows what a manipulating liar he is, and still decides to be with him.

Now I'm not sure what to do anymore. My family and friends say that I should just end our friendship, and I should have one of my BM take over her spot. My FH is getting to the point where he doesn't even want her at any of our wedding functions [engagement party, bridal shower etc]. I understand his concern for not wanting my ex at our wedding, but I'm so torn. I need to come up with a decision within the next few days because we are making our final decision for the BM dresses next week. While I do care about her, and I'm not wanting to end a 20 year friendship, but she has shown no remorse for anything and continues to flake out. I have been bending over backwards for her, making excuses to everyone for her absentcy, waiting around for her and missing appointments etc. I'm so confused.

What would you ladies do if you were in my position? Any and all feedback is much appreciated. Thanks : )

Dating your ex-fiance?? If my best friend even dated my ex bf we would be dunzo! Kudos to you for being so understanding!

I would tell her (although it might be hard to get in touch with her) that you REALLY need to talk. This is not a wedding thing, this is a FRIEND thing. Explain to her how you are feeling. Maybe she has something personal going on that is causing her to flake out so much. Tell her that you are concerned for her and for your friendship. Ask her if everything is ok. Then explain that this is the most important time in your time and that you really need her to be there for you right now. Tell her that If she can't step up to the plate and carry out her MOH duties then you need to find someone who can.

i would try my hardest to talk to her-- tell her you must talk, no is not an option. You need to tell her exactly how you're feeling and give her the opportunity to talk and tell you what's going on.

I agree that this is a friend issue not a wedding issue. MOH or not, your BF should be there for you at such an important time in your life.

maybe she feels awkward dating your ex fiance or if he is abusive and manipulating her- maybe he is the one keeping her away from you?? I dunno, just a thought.

this is one of the most important times of your life and you need to be happy and be surrounded by people who support and love you- if she doesn't then ask her to step down- you can always have her step down from MOH but still give her the option to be in the wedding.

good luck...sorry you're going through this!