hi guys, I know I don't ask for advice often but here goes. My MOH lives and goes to school in PA (she's in medical school and is extremely busy) and therefore does not have the time to help me that much. We have not done anything together for the wedding as yet. I do have another friend who goes with me dress shopping etc.
I want to tell my current moh that I no longer want her in the BP (I'm not trying to be mean and still want to maintain a small bp) I would like my friend who has been helping me to be my moh. How do I tell her (the one that lives in PA) that I no longer want her in the bp?
the other bm lives out of the country, therefore no help there either. I want to be tactful and still maintain out friendship. What do I do?
sorry so long, I really need all of your input
Jna2010
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Re: MOH help
cant you keep her as a bm? honestly i would be so upset if i was asked to be the moh and then kicked out of the bp all together for reasons that are uncontrollable to me and that you knew about when you asked, Sorry im not really helping your situation because i think you should at least keep her as your bm is she's your best friend, you shouldnt want her NOT to be in the bp at all just because she lives OOT and goes to med school
Lsorrent
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Re: MOH help
I'm with Joanna. It's kind of hard to justify asking her to step down when you knew from the beginning it would be hard for her to help out from PA.
StaceyWill
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Posted by Jna2010
cant you keep her as a bm? honestly i would be so upset if i was asked to be the moh and then kicked out of the bp all together for reasons that are uncontrollable to me and that you knew about when you asked, Sorry im not really helping your situation because i think you should at least keep her as your bm is she's your best friend, you shouldnt want her NOT to be in the bp at all just because she lives OOT and goes to med school
ITA
christine2010
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Posted by Lsorrent
I'm with Joanna. It's kind of hard to justify asking her to step down when you knew from the beginning it would be hard for her to help out from PA.
ITA
angelatp
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I know that's why I feel so bad about it. I was thinking about not telling her anything at all and just asking my friend to be my matron of honor, (she's married)
the other things is FH will only have one bm and gm, so I'll have four and he'll have two, doesn't look weird?
StaceyWill
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Re: MOH help
Posted by angelatp
I know that's why I feel so bad about it. I was thinking about not telling her anything at all and just asking my friend to be my matron of honor, (she's married)
the other things is FH will only have one bm and gm, so I'll have four and he'll have two, doesn't look weird?
Yes, you should def do that and as for the bridal party being uneven, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I see it all the time.
Jna2010
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Re: MOH help
Posted by angelatp
I know that's why I feel so bad about it. I was thinking about not telling her anything at all and just asking my friend to be my matron of honor, (she's married)
the other things is FH will only have one bm and gm, so I'll have four and he'll have two, doesn't look weird?
why dont you have 2 moh's? and no i dont think itll look wierd, each gm can walk in with 2 bm's and be pimping it lol
i just dont thinkyou should choose your moh based on whos helping you the most. You chose the girl in PA for a reason, im sure she would have helped more had her situation been different, but you knew that. I mean its great that one of your bm's is so proactive but i dont think you should 'demote' the other one
Iluvpoodles
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Re: MOH help
Since she lives out of state, what did you expect her to do? No offense, but the BMs only duties is to show up with the dress on. I guess everyone is different bc I haven't asked anyone in my BP for help, though they've asked. And I'm fine with that. I don't think she's done anything to get her to be asked to step down. I'm also only having 2 people in my BP. My MOH went when I went to get my gown and that's about it but she's also pregnant so I don't expect much. I guess I'm a very take charge kind of person so I have no problem planning everything myself or with FH. I wanted it that way.
brittndave
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Re: MOH help
I only have 1 in-state bm, and my moh (my sister) is in college at penn state(out of 5 girls). I'm the kind of person that would rather do most of the stuff myself, though, and I guess that's why it's fine with me, but I agree with everyone else that you should have realized that an out of state friend in med school wasn't going to be available to help that much. I wouldn't say anything to her --- there's nothing wrong with having 2 mohs, and there is nothing wrong with a bm helping out more than the moh. I think you should keep everyone you have and just ask the other friend to be your moh too!
AngnShaun
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Re: MOH help
there are uneven bridal parties all the time... and i agree with joanna... i dont think its fair to remove her... im assuming you knew she was in med school and lived in PA... so you really cant punish her for that
JAAMS
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Re: MOH help
Posted by Jna2010
Posted by angelatp
I know that's why I feel so bad about it. I was thinking about not telling her anything at all and just asking my friend to be my matron of honor, (she's married)
the other things is FH will only have one bm and gm, so I'll have four and he'll have two, doesn't look weird?
why dont you have 2 moh's? and no i dont think itll look wierd, each gm can walk in with 2 bm's and be pimping it lol
i just dont thinkyou should choose your moh based on whos helping you the most. You chose the girl in PA for a reason, im sure she would have helped more had her situation been different, but you knew that. I mean its great that one of your bm's is so proactive but i dont think you should 'demote' the other one
ITA with this. I have 2 MOHs.. one lives in PA and one lives on LI. The one is PA obviously can't be as involved b/c she lives farther away. I would def not demote your best friend b/c of things she can't control.
AdriandSteve
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Re: MOH help
Posted by Jna2010
cant you keep her as a bm? honestly i would be so upset if i was asked to be the moh and then kicked out of the bp all together for reasons that are uncontrollable to me and that you knew about when you asked, Sorry im not really helping your situation because i think you should at least keep her as your bm is she's your best friend, you shouldnt want her NOT to be in the bp at all just because she lives OOT and goes to med school
ita
elisa112101
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Re: MOH help
Posted by AdriandSteve
Posted by Jna2010
cant you keep her as a bm? honestly i would be so upset if i was asked to be the moh and then kicked out of the bp all together for reasons that are uncontrollable to me and that you knew about when you asked, Sorry im not really helping your situation because i think you should at least keep her as your bm is she's your best friend, you shouldnt want her NOT to be in the bp at all just because she lives OOT and goes to med school
ita
Me too!
angelatp
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Re: MOH help
Posted by Iluvpoodles
Since she lives out of state, what did you expect her to do? No offense, but the BMs only duties is to show up with the dress on. I guess everyone is different bc I haven't asked anyone in my BP for help, though they've asked. And I'm fine with that. I don't think she's done anything to get her to be asked to step down. I'm also only having 2 people in my BP. My MOH went when I went to get my gown and that's about it but she's also pregnant so I don't expect much. I guess I'm a very take charge kind of person so I have no problem planning everything myself or with FH. I wanted it that way.
I don't really need her help that much, but I have no choice when it comes to picking out bm dresses. It's just been pulling teeth to get her to go try her dress on.
I forgot to mention she comes to the city all the time, but never calls. I sent her an email with a bunch of dresses a few weeks ago and still have not heard anything.
