MOH issue.. just need to vent!

Sorry if this gets to be kinda long. So my sister is my MOH and we've always been close throughout our lives- she's 26 and I'm 20- but she's always been very selfish. She isn't responsible at all for her age. She's been through major heartbreak and is currently in a relationship that I don't see lasting because she get so clingy and obsessive with every boyfriend she has. I think it completely bothers her that her baby sister is getting married before her and I'm a lot more responsible and mature than her. So anyway, we were supposed to go looking at bridesmaid dresses this Wednesday with FH's 2 sisters and she just canceled on me. I told her that I'm going with them and that she can go herself then. I know its because her boyfriend will be around! She was supposed to come with me to a bridal showcase a few weeks ago and she canceled on me, saying she was tired but really it was because her boyfriend was around yet again. She was supposed to look at dresses with me a few weeks ago and she canceled that too. Every time I've asked her if she wanted to help me with something or do something related to the wedding, she says yes and seems all excited about it, but then I wait for the text message saying she has to cancel and it's always a new excuse.

I don't even want her to be my MOH. We aren't even that close anymore and all she cares about is her boyfriend who keeps trying to break up with her but she keeps reeling him in to stay. I know she has issues because she dated a guy for 3 years who lived in Louisiana and she finally moved there and he broke up with her 3 weeks later, and she had to come back home and start her life all over again. It's just that every time she gets a boyfriend, me & my parents don't exist to her anymore and then once he leaves her, she becomes depressed and that's when she wants to hang out with me. I don't know what to do! She's constantly canceling and she shows no interest in the wedding, yet she seemed to be so excited when I got engaged. We used to be best friends and now I get aggravated just THINKING about having to talk to her or see her. I really wish I could have one of my BM's be my MOH but I know that would cause issues, especially because my sister knows she's the MOH. She sure isn't acting like it though. I feel like I'm being the selfish one by saying all this but I'm just so annoyed... She can never just be happy for me. Instead, she plays the card that she feels like she's the younger sister because I'm more mature than her, and she tries to get everyone to feel bad for her.

What do I do?? Do I just let her act like a selfish brat throughout the entire planning process? Because if that's the case, she def won't be my MOH! I'm not one to keep my mouth shut but I also don't want to make her feel bad.

can u have a second MOH and give her time to work thru her stuff?

anyway. maybe you can have a second MOH and figure out the details as the date gets closer. as for now, dont stress if you dont have to.....

edited to protect the innocent

I think little J has a great idea about having one of your bms be a second MOH.

I think if this was jsut a friend, I would say to consider not having her be your MOH anymore but when it comes down to it, I think there are plenty of bms who are more like MOHs for other reasons too like distance, time, jobs, etc. so to take away the name 'MOH' when that is all it is sometimes, it is not worth the issues that are sure to follow.

Again, like little J said, if you would like to give the honor to a bm as well, who will be able to support you during the planning, that might a good compromise. Good luck!

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Posted by scatteredx12

Sorry if this gets to be kinda long. So my sister is my MOH and we've always been close throughout our lives- she's 26 and I'm 20- but she's always been very selfish. She isn't responsible at all for her age. She's been through major heartbreak and is currently in a relationship that I don't see lasting because she get so clingy and obsessive with every boyfriend she has. I think it completely bothers her that her baby sister is getting married before her and I'm a lot more responsible and mature than her. So anyway, we were supposed to go looking at bridesmaid dresses this Wednesday with FH's 2 sisters and she just canceled on me. I told her that I'm going with them and that she can go herself then. I know its because her boyfriend will be around! She was supposed to come with me to a bridal showcase a few weeks ago and she canceled on me, saying she was tired but really it was because her boyfriend was around yet again. She was supposed to look at dresses with me a few weeks ago and she canceled that too. Every time I've asked her if she wanted to help me with something or do something related to the wedding, she says yes and seems all excited about it, but then I wait for the text message saying she has to cancel and it's always a new excuse.

I don't even want her to be my MOH. We aren't even that close anymore and all she cares about is her boyfriend who keeps trying to break up with her but she keeps reeling him in to stay. I know she has issues because she dated a guy for 3 years who lived in Louisiana and she finally moved there and he broke up with her 3 weeks later, and she had to come back home and start her life all over again. It's just that every time she gets a boyfriend, me & my parents don't exist to her anymore and then once he leaves her, she becomes depressed and that's when she wants to hang out with me. I don't know what to do! She's constantly canceling and she shows no interest in the wedding, yet she seemed to be so excited when I got engaged. We used to be best friends and now I get aggravated just THINKING about having to talk to her or see her. I really wish I could have one of my BM's be my MOH but I know that would cause issues, especially because my sister knows she's the MOH. She sure isn't acting like it though. I feel like I'm being the selfish one by saying all this but I'm just so annoyed... She can never just be happy for me. Instead, she plays the card that she feels like she's the younger sister because I'm more mature than her, and she tries to get everyone to feel bad for her.

What do I do?? Do I just let her act like a selfish brat throughout the entire planning process? Because if that's the case, she def won't be my MOH! I'm not one to keep my mouth shut but I also don't want to make her feel bad.

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Sorry to crash..but I can definitely relate. Although in my situation..I am the older sister and she is younger..we are 30 and 26. We have never really been particularly close but have been making more of an effort lately as we are getting older. Like when I email/speak to her it seems like she is really excited about everything but then she winds up cancelling too. The same thing happened to me w/ bridesmaid dress shopping. She said she was going to go and then all of a sudden she got busy every weekend for like 2 months straight.....um yeaaaaaaaa right ...and her excuses were ridiculous. Then she told my mom that she thought I was getting too much attention and she wasnt focusing on her and her b/f anymore....I mean come on....we are not babies and even if we are getting a little more attention we are getting married ugh. I know she is busy planning my shower with my mom....and I definitely appreciate that but I just feel like I havent really felt the love and support from her throughout this process. I guess I'm not surprised considering we arent close and I really havent ever felt it from her. I basically chose her as my MOH because she is my sister and I know I would have felt horrible not choosing her...but it's weird when you are not close really. As far as canceling last minute...I KNOW things come up and I totally understand that..but we will have plans for dinner or drinks and she will text me like 10 minutes before we meet up saying she is tired or something came up. We had tentative plans last week for dinner and I didnt hear from her all week...then I email her today and she said she was really busy....I mean too busy to email me? I work full time, planning a wedding, but still make time for family and friends. Anyway...I am writing a book...but I definitely wanted to say that I understand where you are coming from and you are not alone. My sister still lives at home (I live with FH) so I know she it also at a very different place than I am. ANyway good luck with everything and know that you are not alone! Hope that helped a little.

Just wanted to add...that if you are able to have 2 MOH's I would definitely do it. I cant in my case...otherwise a war will start and I think my mom would disown me....but if you are able to I would do it!!