MOH Issue-To drop or not to drop... NEED HELP!

Ok...

I have a dilemna here that I am sure someone out there has also had to go through so I am hoping to get some kind of advice.

I am having an issue with my MOH...AGAIN...

Now to give quick background info, she is a diva. Totally. No questions asked. She willa dmit it to your face. We usually get along because we have nothing to compete about-she is a waitress at a trendy NYC resturant living the SE & THE CITY life waiting to be 'discovered' as the next top model or actress or whatever. I am a student teacher in a relationship for the last four yearsm planning to move to NJ whitelandia after my wedding.

So generally we are ok. She is really one of 2 friends that I have and the other girl is getting married two weeks after me so to spare ehr expense I chose my current MOH.

She is a good eprson but she is also a self absorbed woman who honestly believes the world revolves around her-just alst week she told me she dropped plans with a guy she was dating from match.com because and i QUOTE...'I don't think he would be the type to appreciate that I am the kind of woman who NEEDS nice things and if I wnat to spend 400 dollars on adress I must ahve, he needs to deal.'

So yes. She is a good eprson but not quite alll straight with her priorities. So this is my dilemna...

She doesn't get it is MY WEDDING!

First we had a problem with the dress she was supposed to wear because she wanted to be 'individual' and to 'stand out' when she thought there were going to be more bridesmaids. (Now there is just her because we want to keep it small) We settled that went I went mini-bridezilla on her and she decided to wear the dress I picked out. (lovely, simple dress she CAN wear again and it isn't too expensive. SHE wanted to wear this huge bow to 'stand out' BUT she promised and I QUOTE..'Don't worry I know my limits. My mother told me that I couldn't upstage you and I told her I knew that so I am choosing my accessories and hairstyle carefully...' ***! As if she's prettier than I am? ok claws there..I digress...)

Then there was the issue of the centerpieces which she thought 'might look cheap considering the place you rented.' (we are doing photo frame centerpieces rather than traditional flowers)

NOW...its been about 3 weeks since we have spoken-going on four actually. WHY? Because online that fateful night those weeks ago, I mentioned that I had ordered some silk gerber dasies online. I wanted to see what they would look like because they were less expensive than real flowers and would have been easier to transport. So anyway, I mentioned it to ehr in apssign that we'd see what they looked like and if they didn't look realistic enough for my tastes than we would gowith real flowers.-that was what my FH and I had decided.

First my MOH said that she really thought I should use real flowers because there is no substiution for them. I said yea I know but we were just going to look at them and see how they looked becasue I might be able to use them for some projects.

So what does my MOH, supposed to be dear friend say?

I AM QUOTING HERE!....

'Well I guess I have to trust you not to turn your wedding into Ghetto Homes.'

***!

GHETTO HOMES???!!! WHOOOOOO says something like that?!

And when I called her on it by saying, 'if you were anyone else I would be so offended, but since I have known you since we were ten and know you sometimes speak without thinking, I will let it slide. ONCE,' she says....

'Well I am just saying. I know you want to cut corners but really. You're going to look cheap.'

I excused myself politely-said I was going to bed before I snapped. I signed off. She called a moment later and I let it ring, thinking she would leave a voicemail.

Did she?

NOPE.

Has she called again trying to apologize?

NOPE.

Have I seen her online since?

YEP.

Another of my close friends (who I didnt ask to be my MOH ONLY because she is getting married two weeks after I am) said I should drop her because this is ridiculous. Honestly I agree, but my issue then is I have no one else. NO ONE. So should I suck it up because I know she is a self-absorbed diva and deal with her or should I just go MOHless?

HELP!

Wow..... I am speechless right now.

She sounds like she is the bride!! I say you kick her out of your wedding party. She is horrible, no offense. If I were you, I would get rid of her (she is too high maintenance) and explain to your other friend who is getting married 2 weeks after you the issue at hand of why you did not ask her. I am sure she will understand.

I am sorry but your girlfriend who is your MOH, I would not want to be in her bridal party if she was the one getting married. I can't believe you are able to even remain friends with this girl. You must be a very patient person. Honestly, i was in a wedding party and teh bride was a bridezilla and I dropped out of the wedding party but then we made up and the bride was so mean. I am sorry but your friend, who is not even a bride, reminds me of her.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

In all honesty, you don't sound that your comfortable with her being your moh. So....i would say to drop her. If she is going to keep saying things it is just going to make your planning procedure more hectic and stressful and you don't need that!

I agree-If I were you, I wouldn't have a MOH. She sounds like she just wants to cause problems. Regardless of what you choose it is YOUR wedding day-not hers.

Thanks for your help everybody. This is going to be a long rant. I just so need to get this out there. With all the stress of school and work..ugh. This wedding is giving me gray hair.

-sighs- I guesss Im more hurt than I am put out if that makes sense. I can be a pain in butt about many things but this time Im being so flexible and reasonable and STILL she cannot take one thing I say as word. I mean is one day to ask?

I know I have been lenient becaause its just her and an intimate wedding and maybe that was the problem-I was too lax instead of being like 'THIS is what I WANT SO DO IT!' I just didn't wan to become Bridezilla because things like the dress just aren't that important to me. But to say 'I guess I have to trust you not to turn your wedding in ghetto homes?...'

I was an art major-we went to the same HS of Art and Design in NYC. I mean Im more artistic than she is in my expression of clothing and decorating my place. I may wear less expensive clothes because I try to be frugal but they NEVER LOOk cheap. I guess she's forgetting she once asked to borrow a pair of 'killer heels' that I paid only 20 bucks for.

-sighs again- sorry Im rambling. I just HATE HATE HATTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEE confrontation and she's so high strung it will be drama. OR she will do the exact opposite-act nonchalant and we will never speak again.

Earleir in the planning process, during the dress debacle, I 'joked' that I could replace her and she turned and looked right back at me, continuing to eat ehr cheesecake as she said, 'Who else are you possibly going to get that you actually like.'

I mean she has a point. I don't get along with my mother because she is loony about this wedding. I have a TERRIBLE relationship with my mother's sister in Long Island (the other one lives in PR) whose daughter I would ahve put into my wedding-LONG story there but essentially my mother and her motherr decided if I didnt put the PR cousins in my wedding (despite distance which is why I said I didnt want to put them in, they said they would FLY their dresses there and back because my bro works for an airline. YES FLY! WTH!) she couldn't be in it either. And my only other friend has so many expenses with her upcoming wedding Im trying to spare her more. She said she'd do it but she can be flakey aand isnt very excited about planning her own wedding so worries me.

Anyway Im talking too much but I want to clarify my current MOH IS a good person. Really. I mean she tries to be there for you and she's just...Its like she was born self absorbed and knows no other way to be, if that makes sense. She is 26 but honestly though she is 'worldly' in terms of the music and acting industry, when it comes to relationships with men and women, she just doesn't know how to put herself second sometimes. Its all about her and when you remind her it isn't, she actually seems honestly surprised.

Oh well. Thanks for listening to my rants, folks.

I appreciate it.

This may be rather blunt, but in all honesty - I would say to ask her to not be in your wedding anymore. You seem to be trying to justify her actions even though you are hurt. I have gone through something similar with a BM and she is no longer in my wedding, nor have I spoken to her. I dont mean that you have to take it to that extreme, but don't let her dictate what you do. In my opinion, the other friend that is getting married 2 weeks after you - I would ask her to be MOH. The two of you can find a dress that isn't expensive and you can just tell her that you don't want her to spend alot of money on the wedding - just that it's more important for her to be by your side at the alter. And if you can offer monetary help - then do, but if not, explain why you didn't ask her in the first place and I'm sure she will understand.

JMO

I have no words for that kind of behavior!!

OMG!!! I cant beleive a 'Friend' would do that to you. I'd say drop her. Soryy. r
But good liuck with it.

Just remember, this is YOUR wedding. Tell her to...We;;, you know .

i feel terrible! honestly, drop her! you dont need her negativty around you,esp. the day of your wedding

trust me if she is your moh, you are going to regret it. she is rude! she deserves to be alone in love with herself. Dont bother with her! She is who she is and she going to continue to belittle you and put you down.
do you really want her to sign your marriage certificate? do you want her signature on that piece of paper forever?
hell no! give the title to moh to someone you treasure.

i am sorry you have to go through this.

If you ask me, I don't understand why you chose her to be your MOH. Knowing how she is, I would personally not have asked somebody to be my MOH if they were so self absorbed. I do understand what you are saying that you had nobody else but to be honest with you, I would rather have no one than her. I am sorry if I am coming off as rude but that is just my opinion. I would tell her to step down from being your MOH and don't worry about all the drama she will bring you. It is very stressful when you are planning a wedding and trust me, you don't need the added stress. A MOH is someone who cares about YOUR feelings and wants YOU to be number one and wants you to enjoy your day and would not make comments such as what your friend says.

I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with her. I don't have patience for those types of girls who think they are better than anybody else b/c in my eyes, we are all equal regardless. You are the bride and you deserve to be treated like the bride, not belittled for what you want or choose to have as part of your wedding.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

she sounds like a total snot [in reference to being a MOH]... seriously I think you need to CALL HER and SPEAK to her...thats the only way you'll resolve anything. Tell her you appreciate that shes trying to be a big part of the wedding planning as MOH.. BUT this IS your wedding and you will do as you please. Comments and curses should be withheld and she should just BE THERE for you.

good luck girl

there is no rules about a moh

I empathize..... I, too, have similar acquaintences...

yes, of course she's high maintenance... and she needs to enter a remedial course in social tact.... but, I feel compelled to warn you that if you DO remove her from the bridal party, that's the end of your friendship.... It seems that you have a longterm relationship with her, probably because you have always looked past her arrogance and foolish statements....

Knowing her nature, you already asked her to be in your bridal party.... further boosting an inflated ego... Now, you can essentially sever ties completely, or put up with the banter.....
Weddings amplify the negative traits in families and friends.... It's just that her baseline was not terribly high.... so now you are both wallowing in the gutter.........

Like others, I'm not especially impressed by her nature. Conversely, there must be some pleasant characteristic you appreciate, or else you wouldn't have put up with her all this time...

Don't let a bridal decision spill over to the rest of your life.... If you would like her to stick around, stick it out... she'll deflate back down to normal after the reception....

I say you should drop her. She sounds so hurtful and maybe jealous. You don't need that kind of negativity around. Hope everything works out