so the morning after I got engaged my old roommate who i used to be best friends with called me to congratulate me..and before i knew it the words of 'will you be my maid of honor' came slipping through my lips.
backstory: we've been friends since i moved to NC (about 6 years) but more so the last 3 years. we lived together as roommates for a year and half and we've been through some tough times together. cons: lately our friendship has been on a downward spiral, she's spiteful and i'm not even sure she's completely happy for me. she asked me who i was going to make bridesmaids and i contemplated on the phone saying 'oh maybe this person but i'm not sure' and went and told that person and made it sound like i didn't want them to be a bridesmaid..but get this ...i had already asked them! so this girl got her feelings really hurt and i had to explain to her out my 'moh' took it out of context. why would she do that? this saturday (today technically) both these girls wanted to plan a 'dinner' together to celebrate our engagement. my 'moh' then turned it into a pizza party at my house?!? i changed it to let's get together at my place for a few hours and then go to a bar and grill down the road and then she told my other bridesmaid 'well i'll just meet you guys there' it's like..*** you are supposed to be my moh and you're already flaking out. my worst fear is that yes, she ruins my wedding/planning experience but most of all that this is some kind of burden to her and i'm a complete fool for asking her.
i'm sure ettiquette says i can't take it back or 'un-ask' her. but i'm pretty sure i've made a bad decision that is going to take a LOT of effort to compromise and sort out and i'd rather just save myself the headaches. of course i don't want to hurt her feelings but part of me thinks she may be relieved...but still hurt and might lash out by not going to the wedding or even wanting to be a bridesmaid instead.
HELP!!
AugustBridein09
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Re: MOH mistake?
if you think she is going to ruin your experience....I would DEF un-ask her.....it might ruin your friendship even further...but I know w/ me my wedding is only going to happen once and I'm not going to let petty nonsense ruin it for me.
Ann 52409
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Re: MOH mistake?
I would def. un-ask her, if you are having problems already and you know she is a spiteful person you dont need the drama. Just let her know that you still care for her and you still want her their by your side on your wedding day but, you believe so and so should have the maid of honor position.
beram63
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Re: MOH mistake?
sounds like an honest conversation about your expectations is in order, not only about her place in the bridal party but also your friendship. that spiteful girl drama stuff--running back to the other BM to repeat what you said out of context--is the last thing you need.
little34
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F etiquette.....if you think she will make your life hard then un ask her..... just say that you are not getting the feeling that she is completely supportive and you need to take it back.
Alexandra1028
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I would unask her, it isnt fair to you to be this upset about it already
PoppedInASnap
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To be completely honest with you, A friend of mine was in the same situation and HATED every aspect of the wedding process BECAUSE of the person who she chose to be her MOH.
You should say that your family is giving you a hard time andthat you have to pick a family member as a MOH.. this way at least she will not take it as a 100% offense
DO NOT do what my friend did!
Summertimegal424
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i unaksed my first MOH...i dont have time for petty bull-shiiit
crazeee18
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let me know how it works out for u..im in the same situation...good luck
mdawg
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Re: MOH mistake?
definitely un-ask. When i was still engaged, I un-asked a bridesmaid because she couldnt find the time to be happy for me, instead she trashed him constantly,. (turns out she was right, but its the principle of the thing lol)
xBrunette
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Re: MOH mistake?
screw being proper! i would totally 'un-ask' if she can be rude and mean to you, why can't you do it back. But then you have to remember that when you do 'un-ask' her, you will most likely lose her as a friend. You say it's on a downward spiral of a friendship, but this will pretty much top the cake...
longislandlibrarian
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UNASK!!! I know it sounds horrible.. but trust me you will be thankful having the MOH that you REALLY WANT! she sounds like she is already going to make it a horrible experience for you...
dazies1011
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I would un -ask her!!! This is your wedding, once in a lifetime, dont let anyone mess things up for you and not let you enjoy your engagement as well. I wanted to ask other girls in my party but, thought long and hard about it because I knew they are my friends but, not reliable and some didnt have the money and I knew would either back out or I would end up picking up their slack.
stephlovesseyi
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Re: MOH mistake?
Before I asked any body to be in my wedding, I thought long and hard, I was excited too, but I wanted to make sure that everyone I chose was some one I really wanted standing next to me on the most important day of my life.
Ok the bad news is now you can't not have her in the wedding But
If there is some one you are closer with, like perhaps a sister or someone, I would tell her, I would like for you to be a brides maid instead, because Im going to have my such and such as my MOH instead.
If your lucky she'll get pissed off and won't want to be in it at all!
I had a roomate from college, that as we lived together I told her, your going to be in my wedding, but Over the years, she was not very supportive of me and FH. She even made a comment once that We wouldn't last very long. That comment hurt me so much. When every I'd want to talk about him, or our relationship, she never wanted to hear about it, she would literally change the subject...mostly because she wasn't dating anyone and was jealous. I can't have some one who did not support us from the beginning standing next to me....
The B*tch, who is not dating anyone, can however, sit and watch as I marry the man of my dreams in my fabulous couture gown, in front of hundreds of my friends and family....
God is funny like that.
mdawg
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Re: MOH mistake?
Posted by stephlovesseyi
Before I asked any body to be in my wedding, I thought long and hard, I was excited too, but I wanted to make sure that everyone I chose was some one I really wanted standing next to me on the most important day of my life.
Ok the bad news is now you can't not have her in the wedding But
If there is some one you are closer with, like perhaps a sister or someone, I would tell her, I would like for you to be a brides maid instead, because Im going to have my such and such as my MOH instead.
If your lucky she'll get pissed off and won't want to be in it at all!
I had a roomate from college, that as we lived together I told her, your going to be in my wedding, but Over the years, she was not very supportive of me and FH. She even made a comment once that We wouldn't last very long. That comment hurt me so much. When every I'd want to talk about him, or our relationship, she never wanted to hear about it, she would literally change the subject...mostly because she wasn't dating anyone and was jealous. I can't have some one who did not support us from the beginning standing next to me....
The B*tch, who is not dating anyone, can however, sit and watch as I marry the man of my dreams in my fabulous couture gown, in front of hundreds of my friends and family....
God is funny like that.
i disagree that you cant not have her in your wedding now. its your wedding. you can do whatever it is you want. forget etiquette.
FuTuRe MrS MaZz
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Re: MOH mistake?
I'm in a similiar situation BUT its exactly the reason why i knew not to ask anyone YET!!!!!
the gurl who was always suppossed to be my moh (kinda like those pacts you make when you're younger ) has not discussed anything wedding with me.... Ha... she hardly even calls me anymore only when she needs a favor from me.... Right now, i'm thinkin of just making it my cousin - that way no1 gets mad when i put a fam member ahead of everyone else and plus my cousin is all for helping me plan which is great!!!
i totally think you deserve to put someone more worthy in that position... dont worry about etiquette... look at how shes actin... would it really bother you if down the road, she wasnt even your friend anymore? if no, then i would even re-consider putting her in the wedding party at ALL! I wouldnt worry about hurting feelings mainly b/c the way u described her, it doesnt seem liek she cares about your feelings and do you really need that stress? this is suppossed to be a happy time in your life!!!!!!!!!
Eckymecky
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Re: MOH mistake?
so update...
last night i went over her place and we had a few beers and watched movies with popcorn and poured over websites together and talked everything wedding.
i feel sooo much better and i even directly asked her if this is something she really wants to do or if she felt obligated...and she was so excited for me. i really feel like this is an honor for her and she's ready to take it on.
really i have to put into account that her family from Utah (and new neice!) have been in town and the holidays are super stressful.
she actually told me what she told my bridesmaid and really who knows...maybe my BM took it out of context. as long as my BM knows how much i want her to be in my wedding and the real thought that went behind it ..that's all that matters.
long story short we had a long heart to heart and i know that she is in this for me. i've already discussed my OOT location for the wedding (we live in NC but i grew up on LI and most of my family is there so that's where we are having the wedding) and she was fine with it...we even looked at bridesmaid dresses and she loves my ideas and is pretty much saying i'll wear whatever you want as long as you wear whatever i want for my wedding.
so things are good and i think they'll only get better. *fingers crossed*
