MOH problem (a little long) - need some help!!!

Alright, well first off let me say that my MOH is one of the most pickiest pain in the neck people I know. She also has some body issues that everyone but her sees. However, we had gone bridesmaid dress shopping a while ago and we picked two dresses that ALL 5 girls liked - INCLUDING her!! However, I decided on one dress over the other that I liked better. It is a very simple tea-length strapless dress with a sash (pics in my album) I will be getting it in lavender with a white sash. The bridal store had a sample in that exact color and I brought her the other day to try the exact sample on. Well apparently she HATED it. However, she did not tell me that (even though I asked her honest opinion the FIRST time and she LOVED it!!) GRRR anyway, She proceeds to tell me the next day how she doesn't think that the dress fits my vision of how I want everyone to look that day. HELLO???? Isn't it MY wedding? Shouldn't I be the one telling her what my vision is? She then proceeds on telling me that one of my other bridesmaids (who is much heavier compared to the other 4) will not be comfortable in the dress if she doesn't lose weight. However I realize that, but she is getting married 4 months before me, so one can only assume she'd lose a little weight before then. On top of that, the heavier bridesmaid loves the dress and told me that she's really comfortable wearing. I was more concerned about her opinion than anyone else. With all that said, I asked my MOH if she felt that way, would she like to pick a different dress that she felt more comfortable in. She said no, it's not that I don't like it. However, the heavier bridesmaid and my MOH are very good friends and speak often. I spoke with heavier BM about the situation and she told that my MOH told her on the phone the day after I brought her to try on the dress that she absolutely hated it. So she LIED to me and I even offered for her to pick a different dress!!! Now my question to you girls is - what would you do?

Please give me an honest opinion!! I really don't know what to do. The rest of the girls LOVE the dress and I would really like for them all to be the same. However, I'm willing to compromise. I just don't feel like playing the games with her!! Sorry to vent!! I really needed to get that off my chest!!

If she is not giving you honest answers when you ask her if you like it or not, then she gets that dress. She can't expect you to hunt around behind her back, or read her mind to learn the truth that she 'hates this dress'. Therefore, she wears it.

And if she complains to you about it after its ordered, then you tell her you gave her the option of wearing a different dress, she shoudl have taken you up on that when she had the chance, its now too late.

i agree - it sounds like you are trying to be accomodating and she is not responding. you asked her honest opinion and she did not give that to you. also, once she did tell you that she did not like the dress and you offered a different one for her, she still lied passing the blame to another rather than taking ownership of her feelings.

mostly though - since you offered her to wear a different style dress and she is not being responsive, then she gets to stay with that dress.

i think you have done all you can to make her happy and comfortable. you don't need to exhaust all possibilities, just a reasonable amount of possible solutions, and you have done just that. all with no response from her.

so she gets the dress everyone else does!!!

I'd ask her how unhappy she is with your dress choice... and if that's going to have an effect on her on your wedding day.. if it's going to be very troublesome for her, then keep shopping for a new dress just for her...

for me, it's important for everyone to feel comfortable and beautiful on my wedding day, so that they can focus on having fun and not worry about how they look...

but if you have a certain vision of your wedding, and that includes having your bridesmaid AND maid of honor in that BEAUTIFUL dress you picked out, then by all means... kindly ask her to wear the dress. it's your wedding, and it only happens once!

If she REALLY isn't comfortable in the dress [not using that as an excuse but really truely is not comfortable in it] would you maybe have her wear a different dress than the others? Some people have their MOHs in a different dress than the rest to distinguish her.. I think if you can find something similar by the same designer it would probably work out nicley anyway and then EVERYONE is happy... ?? good luck

I would confront her abt it - and tell her that she wont upset you or hurt your feelings if shes HONEST abt the dress ... if she still says that she likes it - then I would order it, and if anything happens later on - you can tell her that you tried to compromise with her and you tried to make her pick a different dress.

Good Luck!

I understand you're situation but come on- it is your wedding day. You did the right thing by asking her opinion, she lied to you-- her fault not yours. You're not being a bridezilla about the bm's gowns--- don't worry so much about her opinion. And as for the heavier bridesmaid......she accepted the invitation to be in the bridal party knowing that she'd have to wear a gown. If she is comfortable the way she is, she doesn't even have to lose weight. if she wants to, she will. you still have to just go ahead and pick something that will make you and the girls happy. If all the other girls love it, your moh is outnumbered. Sometimes, moh's have to be put back in place because as much as it is an honor for them to be the moh and they are obviously the moh because they mean something special to the bride------- They're stil not the bride!!!!!


good luck,,,,,everything will work out fine don't worry- like you said it sounds like she's playing games. I personally think she just wants a different dress than the other bms so that she can stand out more-----sorry if it's rude but i truly think that's what it is.

Your MOH is one pain in the neck!!! lolz....well if its you know who!!!! i remember her in high school and she is too funny...I know I havent seen L***** since high school but i can recall a time she was being a baby about something when we used to run track together ........

I would just sit her down and ask her what she really thinks....i think its great of you that you are trying to be accomodating ......what is it that she doesnt like about the dress...as long as one of your heavier BM is comfortable then she really has no say in anything about the dress...she can only comment on how it looks on herself and not anyone else...

just remember its your wedding and you are entitled to pick out the dress that you want your girls in.....i dont know how many girls are in your wedding party....but i have 8

i havent even started looking at BM dresses yet and i cant see them all agreeing so i decided that I will be picking out the dresses but i will take into consideration their opinions

you wouldnt be a bridezilla if you decided to go against her wishes although you are being very accomodating with her opinion on the dress

let me know how things go....

well, i think you where trying to work with her so i would speak to hera personally and see if she has another dress in mind that she would like to wear. If at that time she says NO, then you go along with the dress that you picked out, if she cant be honest with you then why is she your MOH??? I refuse to have any stress on my day because of a dress someone does not wish to wear. I went through the dress arguements in the beginning with my MOH, but she is coming around slowly but surely. The bottom line is it is YOUR WEDDING, if she is not will ing to put aside her minor problems, then she should have a seat amongst your guests. Once you pick the dress, and you really like it, stick to it. If she wants to talk on the phone about it, instead of speaking to you, then you need to evaluate the title you gave her as your MOH....

Hope that helps,
Enjoy your planning, that too should be a joyous thing....

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Posted by MrsBartonToBe

If she REALLY isn't comfortable in the dress [not using that as an excuse but really truely is not comfortable in it] would you maybe have her wear a different dress than the others? Some people have their MOHs in a different dress than the rest to distinguish her.. I think if you can find something similar by the same designer it would probably work out nicley anyway and then EVERYONE is happy... ?? good luck

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I would be willing - I had offered to let her pick a dress of her choice that she would feel more comfortable in. She said no

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Posted by camerakrazie

Your MOH is one pain in the neck!!! lolz....well if its you know who!!!! i remember her in high school and she is too funny...I know I havent seen L***** since high school but i can recall a time she was being a baby about something when we used to run track together ........

I would just sit her down and ask her what she really thinks....i think its great of you that you are trying to be accomodating ......what is it that she doesnt like about the dress...as long as one of your heavier BM is comfortable then she really has no say in anything about the dress...she can only comment on how it looks on herself and not anyone else...

just remember its your wedding and you are entitled to pick out the dress that you want your girls in.....i dont know how many girls are in your wedding party....but i have 8

i havent even started looking at BM dresses yet and i cant see them all agreeing so i decided that I will be picking out the dresses but i will take into consideration their opinions

you wouldnt be a bridezilla if you decided to go against her wishes although you are being very accomodating with her opinion on the dress

let me know how things go....

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hehe - I forgot you know her!!! LOL Anyway, yeah she can be that way sometimes. The main problem is she thinks she looks fat in the dress. By no means does that girl look fat in the dress!! EVERYONE has told her that. That is her ONLY problem with the dress. There are only 5 girls in my wedding party. I was just concerned about the heaviest bridesmaid liking the dress and she loves it on HER and thinks it looks good on her. So I know my MOH Is imagining things!!