I asked my best friend since junior high to be my MOH the day I got engaged. It was especially important because we were speaking again after over a year of fighting. We have always had our problems, and once we were out of college it became impossible to relate to each other. At the time she was also being very clingy one minute and totally ignoring me the next. So I stopped speaking to her to avoid a confrontation. When I tried to explain why I had done this she responded to me with “F**k you. I don’t want you in my life. I’m sick of your bull----“ and the like. Eventually I heard she was moving across the country so I decided to get back in touch with her. She ended up not moving and we rekindled our friendship. Last weekend, though, I was going to a party that she wanted to come to, and to bring one of our other friends. I was going to pick them up, and when timing was not good I even offered to rearrange things to accommodate them. First she said she’d meet me there, and then she said she might not come at all. But she assured me she’d call me later. So I’m at this party all night with my cell phone out waiting to hear from her and of course I don’t. So I get an email from her last Monday morning saying she decided not to come and went to dinner instead, and acting like everything was just fine.
BxBride04
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Re: MOH trouble....need advice!
I wrote back telling her I was angry and hurt that she didn’t even call. She calls me at work and leaves me this voicemail telling me to “Go f**k myself.” She goes on for several minutes yelling and cursing and calling me self-absorbed and saying she’s sick of me and whatnot. She also said that I inconvenience everyone, and she cited me asking my bridesmaids to come out to LI to see my wedding dress and as inconvenience. I feel pretty confident in saying that I don't want her as my MOH anymore, but after speaking to almost everyone I know about this, a few people have given me pause for thought. Am I acting to rashly? I honestly don't think she deserves to stand beside me on my wedding day if this is how she is going to act......I don't care that she was angry, I still don't think these are things you say to someone you expect to still be friends with. Any advice? Thanks!
butterfly91804
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Re: MOH trouble....need advice!
First of all, I'm so sorry that you are going through this! There is so much other stress just from planning that you need everyone on your side and supporting you. Honestly, I don't think that I would keep her as my maid of honor. She doesn't seem to have any regards for your feelings and doesn't hold back at all in telling you how she feels. As the planning gets more intense and your day gets closer, you will need to rely on her more. However, with her character, it seems you would have to tip - toe around her and it would almost be easier not to ask her to do anything. I would do yourself a big favor and change MOH now before it is too late. You can definitly remain friends (if she will allow it) but you don't need that type of stress when your attentions should be focused elsewhere. Maybe ask one of your BM to be your MOH. Hope this helps!
BxBride04
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Re: MOH trouble....need advice!
I actually already have a solution to who I’d choose as my MOH instead. As of now, I have five attendants – MOH, 2 friends (my MOH and 2 bridesmaids are all long time friends), and my FI sisters. One of his sisters has been particularly helpful, definitely more so than my MOH, in wedding planning. I think it would be easier to ask her than to choose between my other to bridesmaids. One thing I am wondering though, is whether it is possible to remain friends even if I unchoose her? I’m not expecting her to take it well. Has anyone else had this experience, and if so how did it end up? Did the friendship stay intact?
