Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

Jax430 Posted: Mar 28, 2004 11:09 PM

Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

My FH's mother is doing the calligraphy for our invitations. She has just about completed her list and FI's and my list. She is just waiting for my mother's list. Every time I ask my mother to work on her list, she has some reason to put it off. First, it was because she had report cards due (she's a 2nd grade teacher). Then, it's just one excuse about being busy after another. Granted, my mom is spread a bit thin on time to get things done, but she definitely has had the time to do this. She has the guest list already, and just has to give me the addresses! She promised she would do it this weekend...it's now Sunday night, and nothing. If I nag her about, she gets angry and certainly won't do it any faster. I've told her that FI's mom is done with the others and waiting for her list....I don't know what else to do. It's particularly annoying b/c FH's mother never contacts my mom about it directly. She asks FH to ask me what's going on. FH said he would have his mom call mine during the week so that the 'nagging' would come from someone else besides me. The invitations are supposed to go out in 4 weeks. Next week is Passover, so I know that is going to be my mom's next excuse not to get the list done, since she has to prepare a seder. I'm just so upset about this, b/c it's completely unneccessary stress! I've even asked her to give me her list of names and I would go through her address book and make the list of addresses, but she says she will take care of it. I don't know what to do anymore!! Thanks for listening girls..

skew Posted: Mar 28, 2004 11:17 PM

Re: Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

i am so sorry. why not give your mom a deadline. tell her that your FIL needs to complete all the invites by x date because she is unable to do them after that (too busy, holiday, etc...)

Jax430 Posted: Mar 28, 2004 11:27 PM

Re: Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

Posted by skew

tell her that your FIL needs to complete all the invites by x date because she is unable to do them after that (too busy, holiday, etc...)

Thanks. That is a good idea, but in this case probably will not work b/c FMIL does not work, and basically stays home all day watching TV, cooking, and working on craft type stuff. She does not have either of the Passover seders at her house, so she doesn't have that time to be super-busy. My mom would immediately be suspicious of that. I think my mom is also somewhat resentful that FMIL has all this time to herself to get stuff done while my mom has so many obligations...

2UNTAMED Posted: Mar 28, 2004 11:30 PM

Re: Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

I would pick a night and tell your mom you are coming over and work on the list together with her. Maybe even if it takes a couple of hours for a couple of days. I would start the list with the obious intimate relatives, and then a list with the names of the people you think will be invited, and leave room to fill in the address. Any help to get the list started and moving along would probably be a good idea. Your mom may feel it's overwelming to do it by herself?

LImom Posted: Mar 28, 2004 11:31 PM

Re: Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

Are you able to say you will go over to her house on Wed. night, for example, and help her get the addresses written up bec. you know how busy she will be with the holidays coming up. She would probably enjoy your visit and the offer to help.

(2UNTAMED and I were typing the same response at the same time! How funny!)

Kriss2c Posted: Mar 28, 2004 11:33 PM

Re: Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

Light a fire underfoot.... give her an ultimatum (sp)... say either you get me the addresses or they don't get invited.

Jax430 Posted: Mar 28, 2004 11:36 PM

Re: Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

I guess I should mention that I live with my parents, but I'm not home a lot b/c I'm in grad school and either at class or internship most of the week. Mom and I are rarely home and awake at the same time...

2UNTAMED Posted: Mar 28, 2004 11:44 PM

Re: Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

Then I would start the list myself, including the immediate family, with addresses and then the list with the others you think she will invite, and leave the list on the table and ask her to review it, and either add of cross off the names of the guest she doesn't want to invite. Even if you can give your FH mother part of list, at least she will feel better to be able to do a little at at time, and not be overwelmed with a whole list a one time....
Or better yet, I would take the phone book and write down the names and addesses on the list. Then all you mom has to do is cross off the list and less to add to it, which might make it easier and less time consuming.

I actually did the guest list for my side and my FH family. I did the list on an Excel spread sheet, and had his mom and mine look it over for any changes. It made it alot easier for both of them, even if it was alot of extra work for me. But in the end, I got it done and it was one less thing to stress about. Also if you are having a shower, you will need to have a list too.

Snoogie Posted: Mar 29, 2004 12:09 AM

Re: Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

Hi. IMO, Moms are a very interesting topic. I think something about their daughter's wedding puts them in to a weird state. Put yourself in her shoes...her daughter is getting maried...she isnt my little girl anymore....I am going to be a grandma soon.. god I am getting OLD.

So I have tried to be sympathetic with my Mom, because I think about what she is feeling. Be gentle with your mom, who sounds like she has a very important, rewarding job and life's mission.

Ask her: 'Ma, when is a good night for me and you to just get this guest list Done and out of our face?' 'I just want us both to have the stressful time consuming tasks finished so we can both enoy this time in our lives, stress free.' Try to make it seem like you know it is a grueling task and you just want it to get done so BOTH OF YOU can move on to better, more important things and continue on with your daily tasks.....

It works with my Mom!

Snoogie Posted: Mar 29, 2004 01:07 AM

Re: Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

bump

nsgraham Posted: Mar 29, 2004 08:59 AM

Re: Mom is causing me stress (LONG VENT)

I like the idea of blocking a few hours - make an appointment - and just getting her to sit with you and work on it. Just tell her you want to get it over with before Passover.