Hi, I am freaking out! My Mom refuses to go to the rehearsal dinner because my FH parents are having it at their house and not at an establishement. My FH is paying for most of the wedding, My Dad passed away, Mom has no $ and is 74 and losing her marbles so it seems. My FH lives in an apt in his Brother and wife's house. His parents also live with his Brother and Wife. His Dad offered to pay for a band but FH said no. He feels bad taking $ from them, He does not want them to put out that $, they don't have it. We are getting a DJ instead which is great. My Mom spent her last dime on my Wedding dress. My Sister-n-law, MOH, took my Mom for bridal shower places. My Mom has no $. I told her I don't have to have one but my sister-n-law is insisting. MOH is helping my Mom little with it. Now my FH sister-n-law asked me what was next in the wedding planning and I told her I was looking for places for rehearsal dinner. She said we can have it at her house in the backyard which will be redone by then...if my FH finishes it. Her and my FH other brother had it the same way, at the house. Anyway, Mom mom feels it's none of her business, why is his parents getting off scott free not paying anything since she has no $ either. Also she says that it is my thank you to the wedding party and that she would be so embarrassed to go since it is way too cheap for a thank you. Now, my Mom has no clue about weddings, it's my sister-n-law feeding her info. I told her I'll give them a Lumncheon for that. Is that true? The rehearsal is my Thank you? How can that be when tradition is the FH parents have it? Thanks so much for any feedback!!!
jj04
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Re: Mom refuses to go to rehearsal dinner!
I was in a bridal party and they had the RD att he house. to be honest ..it was so much nicer than having it out. It was much more intimate and the guests were able to mingle and get to know eachother better than they would have in a reasturant. I would talk to your mom and tell her that you are ok with this and it is not about taking the bridal party out and thanking them, You can buy them a nice thank you goft for that. People get all caought up in the way things are 'supposed' to be and forget all about the reason behind it all and that is that you are happy and getting married, everyone should be happy and go along with it and appreciate what you are having, rather than sulk over what you are not having. Godd luck.
wenndypoo
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Re: Mom refuses to go to rehearsal dinner!
Don't play the game. I know she's your mom and all, but tell her sweetly, 'I'm sorry to hear that, we'll miss you.' It's one day, she needs to put her feelings aside and be there for you.
NatalieS
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Re: Mom refuses to go to rehearsal dinner!
Its hard to say what to do since weddings really brings the planning side out of everyone and no matter what you do, everyone will have their own opinion. I would not worry too much. I highly doubt that your mom will not come to your rehearsal dinner. After all you are her daughter. Maybe you can include her in the planning the rehearsal dinner so that she does not feel left out.
LIPrincess00
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Re: Mom refuses to go to rehearsal dinner!
I am so sorry to hear your going through this but, I agree tell your mom that she'll be missed. I am trying to work it out that the RD is at a house, I think that is so much better and more personal.
nferrandi
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Re: Mom refuses to go to rehearsal dinner!
I would rather the RD be at my FIL's house than a restaurant. The e-party was hosted in my backyard by my parents and everyone had a great time! The only reason we're opting for a restaurant is the cojnvenience factor. I don't want my FMIL to have to worry about cleaning her house the night before our wedding. The RD is not in honor of your bridal party, I don't knwo who told your mom that. The RD is a chance to get together with the people who mean the most to you and FH and thank them for their role. Their real 'thanks' is whatever you and FH decide to give as gifts. I think if you explain all of this your mom will change her mind. And no offense, but as far as your FH parents getting off scott free goes, it's not tit-for-tat here. No one 'has' to pay for anything. If your mother has been generous enough to pitch in, she should be doing so because she wants to. I'm sure she's just stressed, since you mentioned that she doesn't have that much money either. Things will all work themselves out. Good luck!
