monday pick me ups 12/20/10
omg.. i can't stop laughing at this:
okay- still laughing:
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If the handrail is as icy as the steps, it will not stop your fall. #LFMF
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If the string cheese package is puffed up, it is not packed with 'extra air for freshness'. It's rotten. #LFMF
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If you are really bad with faces and are trying to remember the distinctive features of a 'suspect' for forensic psychology class, don't use 'kind of asian looking' as your submission. Especially if it's a black guy. #LFMF
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When coming out of the dressing room, remember your pants. #LFMF
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Mom thought leopard print would be too tacky.
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(781):
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
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(727):
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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(516):
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
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(816):
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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(812):
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing 'Jingle Bells'.
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(508):
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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(586):
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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(502):
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML
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Today, I found out my girlfriend of four years is legally married to a man in prison. He gets out next week. FML
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Today, I was trying to swat a wasp in my bedroom. I got so frustrated that I ended up punching myself in the face. The wasp is still here, and now I look like I've been in a brawl. FML
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Today, I figured out why my name is Ashley. In order to tell my older sister about getting a new little sister, my parents thought it would be a good idea to make her imaginary friend 'Ashley' real. FML
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Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML
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Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML
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the end
