Money issue with FILs

So, my parents are paying for the entire wedding (reception, shower, post-party, etc.). FFIL told FMIL that he would not contribute anything when we first got engaged.

Do you think it we should ask whether they want to host the RD? What happens if we don't ask and they are then upset they were not given the opportunity. Or do we not ask because if they are not contributing to the wedding why would they contribute to the RD?

---

Posted by Sasha96

I think it depends on your relationship with them. You could be navigating very tricky waters. They can put the offer out to you too!

---

I have a similar situation and FIL's did indeed offer once the planning began. Conscious and respectful of their financial situation and desires I would NEVER ask as I find it to be terribly rude and inconsiderate. I agree, you could be navigating very tricky waters...

dont ask...let them offer....just give hints....me and my FI are paying 100% of this wedding..my parents threw us a $3500 E-party,,,,so his parents said they wanted the RD to do for us!!!..AHHHHHH already drama!!

They booked already at a nearby restaurant (the two go every friday) and it is a res/bar and ALL our FI friends go there like EVERY night! and it will be on a sat night our party...so now
1. we're having it at a place where I HATE THE FOOD
2. my BP is going to party all night after and ill just be crying and stressing
3. it will be so informal because there are no doors and everyone else we know will be in the next room

HOw do i say I DONT WANT IT THERE!!

As for your question (sorry)....talk about it..let them ask you!

---

Posted by bizzybridesmom

Perhaps this is something your FI should talk to his parents about.

---

I agree

It doesn't hurt to ask. The worst they can say is no! My friends ILs didn't do anything, so to spite them, she didn't invite them to the dinner, just the rehersal! Not that that is right, but she wanted to get a point across. It wasn't as if they were tight on money either!

---

Posted by bizzybridesmom

Perhaps this is something your FI should talk to his parents about.

---

i agree.. the fh should say it

I would just have FH mention to his parents that you are planning to have a RD. He should mention that you two are not assuming or asking them to pay, but that you wanted to mention it before you make plans to pay for it yourselves.

Don't sneak around the subject, drop hints, or make assumptions. The best approach is to ask directly and get a definite answer, while letting them know that there's no pressure. This way, you and your FH won't be left wondering, and no-one will feel that they weren't given a fair chance to help contribute.

If it were me (and I've had my share of in-law problems - they aren't even coming to the wedding at all and we have to pay for another wedding closer to where they live)

Anyway- I would have FH mention it to his parents.
It should come from him and he should say that it is common for the groom's parents to pay for a few things including the rehearsal dinner. He knows they are uncomfortable paying for the wedding and your family has been gracious enough to cover those costs. However, this would be a chance for them to host their own party.
If they say no - I'd have the rehearsal dinner at your parent's house if possible. Make it VERY obvious his parents would not help without having to actually say anything.

A friend of mine had this problem and her fiance's mom invited 155 guests when they were each limited to 100 (no offer to help pay for the overage). Then his mom said she would not spend more than $13 a person for the rehearsal dinner even though it was all her family since they were all out of town. She said they didn't want to spend a lot because they just spent $750,000 fixing up their summer home and it was going to cost to much!!!!!