Money or Love

Maybe that's not the straight point to the question. But in light of recent circumstances I've been wondering can a couple be happy even if they are financially always struggling? Living litterally pay check to pay check.

I know money can't make you happy but how much harder does it make things when you have little to none?

I guess this is one of the many worries going through my mind...

FH majored inacting but hasn't done anything in over 2 years in that field. He's got a bachelors in it. Now that he lost his job at FedEx it's like his job search gets so limited and can't find anything more than maybe 30k a year at the very most.

I just constantly worry about the finances once we are married or living together. Granted I make more than 30k a year (but not a lot more than it)

I don't know if what I'm writting even makes sense or if I'm getting my point across. I've just been very upset for the past week.

Edited to add: I'm the only one putting money into this wedding right now. Even before he lost the job I'm the one that left the deposit and got the money for the next payment for our hall.

FH took a year to pay off a debt.. he paid it off last year. He still has not gotten himself a car.. so maybe thats a big weight on my shoulders cause I have to drive everywhere and seeing eachother almost fully relies on me. He tried to buy a car off craigslist and he got scammed, lost $2,500. $600 of which I gave him to help get himself a car.
He's been promising that we will get our own place in a few months.. he said that a year and half ago... then 6 months ago.. now he tells me he doesn't know when we will be able to.
Everytime I turn around I feel like he's just buying useless crap instead of saving (DVD's, Anime Collectibles, Concert tickets, etc). Excuse is always 'It's only $15/$20...' But that $15/$20 adds up over time on these things.

My mom keeps pointing these things out to me and says 'I hope you are sure about getting married and this is what you want and that you really love him'.

Excuse my French but I don't know when he's going to get his **** together & take responsibility.

it sounds like you need to point these things out to your FH, that he needs to stop buying pointless crap-eventhough its only 15/20, its costing money, its money that could be going to something else. You should let him know how you are feeling about this.

unfortunately money always seems to be an issue

ok first off I'm sorry to hear that things have been going bad and taking it's toll on not only you, but your relationship with FH. It can be so hard to see when everything is cloudy and you don't know when its going to get better. I don't really know what's the best thing to say to you right now because it seems like more than anything, u just need to vent. I will share this with you though:

I have this habit of asking successful married couples what's their secret. Of all people, my DJ told me that the secret is to not put 50-50 into the relationship, but rather, 100-100. What he meant by that is that sometimes your other half may not be able to put their 50 on the table because they may be down and out at the moment. So it's up to you to cover the whole 100 yourself for the sake of the relationship. And then whenever the person can put their 50, they will. Or when u can't put your 50, the other person has to carry the total 100. I hope that made sense. Honestly, that was the best advice anyone has given us. There's been times when I've been right in your position carrying the whole weight of the relationship and after a while it does weigh down on you. But then other times, when I have been down, FH has had to carry the whole weight. So it's a balance act. That's the way I see marriage as. I think you should just hang in there a little bit longer. This is a temporary situation that is happening, and there has got to be better days awaiting you and FH.

Talk to him about how you feel because I don't think u should hold it bottled up inside. But relationships are not easy by no means. Just think of how much stronger you and FH will be after the two of you have weathered this storm.

I think you need to sit down adn talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him that it is not fair that you are saving everything and he just spends even if it's a dvd that still adds up. lay down the law. You dont want to wait until its too late!!!!!

Anything I can do please let me know

Oh wow sorry u guys are going thru some rough times, just about everyone is feeling this financial pinch....
I couldnt imagine paying for a wedding all by myself .... Just sit down and talk to him-u never know what you might find out....

I Hope things change for you guys and he finds something... good luck to u

Money is the #1 cause of divorce, it always causes problems and will always been a topic of discussion.

I think you seriously need to sit down with him and discuss all this. You mother is right that marriage is a serious step and financially, you need to be able to make that step.

I'm with you on always buying useless crap, but since living on my own, I can tell you that changes 100% bc you know that at the end of the month you need rent.

Also, I would probably suggest holding off on moving in together. I would just concentrate on teh savings.

Good Luck!

I know my FH had a huuuuuuge problem with spending...and anytime he would pay off one debt, he'd somehow start another.

I got him into the habit of writing down everything he spent money on for a month...even a $1.50 coffee on his way to work.

Now, a year later he is obsessed with it!! He even created a spreadsheet and sets savings goals for himself.

It really does open your eyes when you see that you spend over $500/yr on coffee...or $600/yr on mani/pedi's. Those are things you could easily go without (or do yourself at home) and that's saving $1,000/yr right there!!

---

Posted by stinenandy2010

Money is the #1 cause of divorce, it always causes problems and will always been a topic of discussion.

I think you seriously need to sit down with him and discuss all this. You mother is right that marriage is a serious step and financially, you need to be able to make that step.

I'm with you on always buying useless crap, but since living on my own, I can tell you that changes 100% bc you know that at the end of the month you need rent.

Also, I would probably suggest holding off on moving in together. I would just concentrate on teh savings.

Good Luck!

---

ITA agree w/ what everything Christine said. You need to talk with him about this before making any more decisions. I am sorry you're going through this rough time! keep us posted