A 'friend' of mine (I'll call her T) is getting married in July 2005...2 months before me.
A mutual friend is a BM in both my wedding and T's wedding. I called all my BM's 2 weeks ago to tell them I had picked their dress and described it.
On Monday, I emailed all the BM's with the web address and more info. The mutual friend tells me 'Oh, T is considering that dress too...but she has five other options'...so I say, you have to try to convince her to pick another one, I don't want to have the same one (especially since I am after her and we will have mutual college friends at the weddings).
So mutual friend comes back and tells me about her convo with T. Mutual friend told T that I had already picked the same dress and T said 'Well that is tough ****, if I like that dress the best, that is the one I am going to pick.'
Am I crazy for being super upset...I am upset that she picked the same dress as an option, but even more upset that she had that kind of response.
Also, my BM's are scattered in 4 different states and I am planning from MA, meanwhile all of T's BM's are about 5 minutes from her and she is planning her wedding in state.
T and I are not best friends, but we are invited to each other's weddings, e-mail failry frequently, have occasional group girls nights and exchanged small Christmas gifts.
Opinions please...I am losing it here!
lanikai
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Don't let it bother you. I think that kind of sucks that she might choose the same dress, but your day will be unique no matter. Don't change your dress because of her.
alexlynn7
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i mean, technically she can choose any dress she wants, but that would be such poor form. have you thought about emailing her and asking her not to get the same dress?
junebride!
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have you thought about emailing her and asking her not to get the same dress?
that's what i would do...maybe start with something like I think it's amazing, of all the dresses in the world, one of yur options is the same as my BM dresses...you can tell we're friends, can't you????
chris605
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Dont let her ruin your day....
Goldi1021
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I agree - very poor form. You are entitled to how you feel but her response would have bothered me as well.
ssdbk
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If you both love that dress, you should both use it. I don't think it matters much if you use the same dress. Just my opinion.
june262004
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I am going to SOUND really MEAN And I promise I don't mean to but I think she is right. She picked the dress too.. Maybe even first since when u told your friend she said oh that is the same dress T likes. You don't think it was mean of you to ask your friend to get her to pick another dress? Its the same things as her saying tough.
That being said SO WHAT if you both have the same dress. If you like it have them wear it.
laborday06
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I hate to say it, but what if you were in her shoes. If you really liked the dress and someone was telling you not to get it - wouldn't you think why should I give up something I like for my wedding. Especially since you haven't talked to her directly. If it really is that big of an issue, talk to her directly don't make more drama by going through BMs. I'm sure you two don't have the same colors, so it won't be the same exact dress. If it were my best friend I would consider changing dresses, but for a friendship like you described, I wouldn't.
CubanBride
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Posted by june262004
I am going to SOUND really MEAN And I promise I don't mean to but I think she is right. She picked the dress too.. Maybe even first since when u told your friend she said oh that is the same dress T likes. You don't think it was mean of you to ask your friend to get her to pick another dress? Its the same things as her saying tough.
That being said SO WHAT if you both have the same dress. If you like it have them wear it.
I agree.
VogueBride
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She can of course pick whatever dress she wants....i dont know what you can do about that...but i think you can rest easy...b/c i think/would hope, that anyone with the knowledge of someone elses dress will keep that in the back of their mind...even if they act tuff on the outside!!
littlebookworm4
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i don't blame you for being upset and you did pick yours first. she's just be a brat.
12-3Princess
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Posted by lanikai
Don't let it bother you. I think that kind of sucks that she might choose the same dress, but your day will be unique no matter. Don't change your dress because of her.
I agree. No one will even remember the dresses except for you... It's true. Your day is going to be totally different from hers in a million other ways anyway.
she's a b++ch.
CherylBooch
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Is the dress going to be the same exact color?? If it's not, I don't think anyone will notice!
Go for the one you like!!
QueensBride
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Posted by Goldi1021
I agree - very poor form. You are entitled to how you feel but her response would have bothered me as well.
Same here!!!
halfpintny
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I really don't think you should be upset. It sounds as though SHE is the one that should be upset. She picked out dresses and then you picked out a dress. Now you've gone and dictated to her that because you've picked one she CAN'T have it. That would annoy the hell out of me. Are you both having the same color scheme? If not then it could possibly be the same dress in a different color. No one is going to remember in the long run. I would call her and apologize and say, 'As you know, wedding planning is SO stressful...sorry if it seemed like I was telling you what to do. If you're ok with having the same BM dresses then so am I' I wouldn't ruin a friendship over this.
rugs88
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Sorry to hear that I had a similar situation with a not-too-close friend-except we both picked the same wedding date! luckily i hadn't booked it yet, and she already booked it. I didn't care that she took that date,but she knew for a month AND NEVER TOLD ME! She had the same reaction 'tough SH**t' The least she could do was tell me her date, since she knew I was planning a wedding. I hate creating drama about weddings, but it's the underlying message that these friends send us, it's not even really about the wedding itself.
Jamie&MarkSept.'05
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The thing is...I found one dress that I fell in love with, all my BM's love it and she has six options...she can't just cut one out to spare the feelings of a friend? There are 5 other dresses that she likes...
bluesashbride
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in the end no one will really notice, and i think you should not let this get the best of you and have it bother you. its irritating but nothing to lose sleep over. small fries...you have lots of other original stuff like your groom!
