I'm getting married in November, and I am absolutely HATING every minute of planning. I never wanted a hall wedding. I wanted a Disney wedding - OR at the very least a CASUAL wedding on the beach if no one wanted to travel to Florida. Anyway, b/c my FMIL said both ideas were 'inpractical', we are having this big crap wedding! And, she has the nerve to tell my FI that she won't give me her hand-written list, that she'll just do it over the phone with me! And, my own mother is so obsessed with my little baby niece, she is no help either. LASTLY, my brother is walking me down the aisle and ALL I asked was that he wear the Mickey cumberbund set that is on line. He said yes, but now that he realizes he can't rent it (and will have to pay $125), he says he might not be able to do it! One of the FEW things that was going to make this wedding 'Mine' and now he doesn't want to do it... And, his wife is more concerned about what dress her daughter is going to wear (junior bridesmaid), than she is about anything else. I know I'm rambling, but I seriously just want to cancel the whole thing. I'm tired of worrying about everyone else. Thanks for letting me vent.
OctBride03
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Re: Mother Vent
Awe sweetie, just wanted to send you some hugs!! You can vent here any time, that's what we're here for!!
As for your bro and the Mickey situation, my friends date to our HS prom (YEARS ago) wore a Mickey vest.... he rented it. Have you checked out tuxedo places for it?
Your FH should really talk to his mother about getting you a handwritten list. What is she going to do? Do it off the top of her head? Apparantly she'll need to write it down anyway... I hate that people have to be so difficult.
I think your mother just wants you to have a great day... I'm sorry no one is going by your wishes in having a small wedding. I don't think you will regret a big affair once it comes! Hang in there and make ANYTHING you want YOURS at your wedding!!! Good luck!!!
minniebride14
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Re: Mother Vent
Thanks, Lauren. I wish I could 'make' my FI do ANYTHING! People are just so selfish and self-centered. I'm so not like that, which is why it bothers me even more. I'm TRYING to make things what I want, but it just doesn't seem to be going that way. I just want this day to be done and over with.
regina2
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Re: Mother Vent
Minnie-
I feel for you!! Though I thought I wanted a 'Big' wedding, Im now realizing that having a smaller one would have been more fun..and maybe that is because FI doesn't do anything either. I cant even get addresses from him for his friends that he is inviting. When I see them out I make them give me their addresses on the spot...they are beginning to think i'm strange.
Like you I just cant wait for it to get here, I'm tired of the planning already!! I want to go on vacation!!!!! My wedding is in November as well and I'm counting down the days...
minniebride14
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Re: Mother Vent
Regina, the thing is that I NEVER EVER really wanted a big wedding. I wanted either a small Disney wedding (at DisneyWorld) or a small beachy wedding here. I have had NO choice in any of this whatsoever. I've tried my best to work with it, but I'm just **** sick of it! How many days for you?
alina
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Re: Mother Vent
Have you already booked things? If no, I would go with your original idea of a small disney wedding...
But if you have already started, and since it was FMIL's idea to have a big wedding, she will have to give you the list of guests. If no written list, people don't get invited, plain and simple... YOU need to put down your foot now, b/c otherwise she'll be forcing you to do things her way all the time...
So give her a deadline, and say (I want a typed list of names and addresses of everyone who you want invited by xyz date). On that day I am giving the list to the caligrapher/printing shop.
And that's it. If she doesn't cooperate, then you only invite the few people who you care about and that's it.
What-Now
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Re: Mother Vent
I was going to reply but then saw Alina's post! couldn't have said it better! You have to put your foot down!It's your wedding, remember?
Also, it seems that you are letting people do what they want without considering that it's your only chance(hopefully) to be a bride and have a wedding of your dreams. don't let people make decisions for you! You will regret it later!
minniebride14
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Re: Mother Vent
Alina, we did book things. But, even if we didn't, there is no way in hell that I 'could' go with MY original idea. FI did not push for me one bit! And, his mommy wants a 'traditional' wedding. So, it really doesn't matter what I want - truly!
FMIL says she is waiting on MY list, so she knows how many she can invite, etc. Come on already, just give me a **** list, so I can see who you have, numbers, etc. Does EVERYTHING have to be difficult?! Believe me, I canNOT say anything negative to her or about her. She is very sweet, kind and giving to me in EVERY other aspect (even treats me better than my own mom does). But, with this, it's 'her son's wedding'. Can't even talk to FI about it (but, yes, he does know how I feel).
It's not the list that's the biggest problem, so I don't want to give her a deadline. That's just one more thing that has become an annoyance.
As I said, I just wish we could cancel whole thing. Unfortunately, we just put the second payment on the hall (big chunk) a few weeks ago...
minniebride14
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Re: Mother Vent
I CAN'T put my foot down; don't you guys understand? I really can't, and it's too late anyway. So, the o nly thing I DID have control over at this point (Disney cumberbund, etc) is now shot to hell too. And, I will not even offer to go half on it, because my brother is well-off and could afford it if he really wanted to. Everyone is so concerned about them, their wants and their needs. That's why I just want to forget all of this. Nothing about this wedding is what I want - except my FI.
alina
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Re: Mother Vent
Ouch, I am sorry you sound so upset
If you don't like how the wedding is going, I think you speak with your FH about it.
I understand you already gave the hall the 2nd payment, but at the same time its your special day and you shouldn't have to 'hate it'. If the cumberbund is so important to you, then be a bigger person and buy the **** thing for your brother (if he doesn't mind wearing it of course).
Who is paying for the wedding? If its you guys, then you have the control of the guest list. Plain and Simple. So YOU and not your FMIL should be the one determining who gets invited. Its your FMIL's duty to cooperate and your FH's job to help you...
If FMIL is paying, then it may actually make sense for you to give her your guest list, so that she can add to it.
don't flip out so much. And if you really hate it, then forget about the $$$, and have your wedding the way you want to ... What does your fiance want?
minniebride14
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Re: Mother Vent
Alina, we are paying for it; however, FMIL says 'I will pay for my guests'. Who gives a rat's ass!? I'd rather pay for your guests and have it small and where I want. Other than the band (that FMIL insisted on having - she told me no DJ), FI and I are paying for everything.
Talking to FI is a dead issue. He doesn't defend hiss mother, but it's clear he will not open his mouth - at all.
alina
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Re: Mother Vent
The only thing I suggest (and strongly) is to have a serious talk with your fiance. If he does not stand up with you now, what about when much more serious issues arise? (What if G-d forbid somehting is wrong with a future baby, and you find out about it when you're pregnant. And you think one solution is right, but FMIL will disagree... What will FH do then?) I think both of you guys need to figure out how you want your wedding to be, and go from there.
If you already compromised on having a 'catering hall' wedding, i think its only fair that you would get your wish of keeping it small. It doesn't matter if FMIL pays or not. Its not about $$$ in this case. So after you added your (meaning yours and FH's) friends/relatives , you then tell FMIL, you have XYZ number of invitees. You figure out who it is and then give me the addresses.
I mean say it in a nicer form, not as rudely as I just stated.
minniebride14
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Re: Mother Vent
Thanks for the advice; it's appreciated. FORTUNATELY, this is the only thing we don't 'agree' on. But, it's still a huge thing to me. Also, we HAVE TO guarantee 150 people at the hall, so there's no way I can get small. But, I didn't just want small; I didn't want a catering hall at all (no bands, flowers, etc). I either wanted Disney or a casual, small (immediate family) wedding on beach - rain or shine.
I know what you're saying. I'd like to tell her off in a huge way right now though But, I don't think that would get me what I wanted anyway.
KerrC
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Re: Mother Vent
I think you need to take a deep breath and spend some time doing something for yourself. True, this wedding isn't your ideal. But, it is nonetheless happening...try and make the best of it. I find that just agreeing to smaller things can help you keep your sanity...A wedding is just one day...your marriage is forever...(too cliche?) Before you flip out on your brother and pay for Mickey vest and cumberbund...do some investigating...How long do you have until the big day
Boop2704
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Re: Mother Vent
Sorry everyone is being such a pain. This is supposed to be a happy time for you and FH and things should be done the way you want it. Unfortunately, parents feel they have a big claim on their child's big day. It ****s, but what are you going to do.
As for your brother, maybe you can buy him the mickey set and it will just be his gift for being in the wedding.
Good Luck
butterfly20
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Re: Mother Vent
hugs to you the only thing I can suggest is shelling out 125 to buy the micky thing for your brother to wear...
minniebride14
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Re: Mother Vent
Thanks, guys!! You are all very sweet The wedding is 11/2. The only reason I don't want to shell out the money for Mickey is because my brother CAN afford it - AND if it was my sis in laws's sister, they would have no problem with paying for it. I know I can't change anything and that it's not my ideal wedding. But, why can't I have just ONE day in my whole life for ME? I never ask for anything, and I am not selfish towards ANYONE! I don't know why things even have to be this way...
alina
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Re: Mother Vent
Minnie, I understand that its your day, but it doesn't mean that everyone must do as they are told... I think its quite possible that you brother does not care to wear a mickie cumberbund, and $ is just one of the excuses. If he doesn't feel comfortable wearing, then I say you should give in, and let him not wear it (just b/c its your wedding, doesn't mean he has to dress what he thinks is ugly from his perspective).
However, regardless of whether or not he has the $, if he is willing to wear the cumberbund and if having the cumberbund is important for YOU, then you should purchase it. There is a lot of compromising that needs to be done to have a successful wedding and you should pick your battles as you see appropriate.
mishandgerard
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Re: Mother Vent
I understand. I actually cut my mom out of the planning because she kept doing stuff like that. I am a Mickey Nut too. My cake topper was Mickey and Minney Crystal Cake topper. That was the only thing Mickey at my wedding. Maybe you can get chocolate bars made with them on the wrapper...you know personalized.
Anyway I am sorry this has not been great for you, but I am sure you will be happy in the end. Good luck
hugs & kisses
minniebride14
Posted:
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Re: Mother Vent
No, you guys are missing the point. This is not about the cumberbund. This is ONLY one ADDITIONAL damper on the day. My brother actually said he liked it very much; he's a big goofball. However, his wife told me that he may not want to purchase it due to the expense. That's total bs though. As I said, no expense would be spared if it were her sister. Again, that is just one of many things. I'm sorry for sounding so bitter, but I don't think that I'm being 'demanding' at all; that's not my style. I just know my family very well. And, now I know my FI's family too. I'm just tired of doing and caring about everyone else's feelings ALL THE TIME - NO MATTER WHAT. And, on my ONE DAMN day, I can't even get the same.
