moving away

So, I was talking to my fiance this morning, and he was saying that he thinks we should leave Long Island once we're married because cost of living is too expensive here.

I just don't know what to do.

I totally understand the whole cost of living thing, and I know that we'd never be able to afford things here that we could elsewhere... but this is my home. The only time I've ever lived somewhere besides Long Island was when I went away to college, and I was basically just homesick for 4 years. Granted, a lot of that was because Jeff and I were long distance, and I had trouble really finding a niche in college, but... I was just so lonely.

And the thing is, Jeff is a cop, so he works strange hours. Which means that regardless of where we live I'll be spending a lot of my nights alone. The idea of being somewhere where I don't know anybody and not even really having him around a lot of the time... I hate it. I get so lonely even now when he's not around and I'm living at home with my parents.

I just hate the idea of moving somewhere where I don't know anybody just because it's cheaper. I know I'd meet new people, and make new friends, but I'm not the kind of person who makes friends easily, and being in a totally new place surrounded by strangers is really really hard for me. Plus, I know if I told my parents we were moving away, they would be heartbroken. And I've always envisioned myself seeing them at least once a week, and having them around when I need them, but once you leave LI that gets difficult.

I don't know. Are any of you facing this dilemma? Are any of you planning on leaving LI once you're married? Where would you go? Why? Or why stay here?

I guess I just thought this would always be home... but now it might turn out that I was wrong.

sorry that you have to deal with such a dilemma...but you still have 2 years. a lot can happen in 2 years...you both can get raises, and there is talk that the prices in houses might start to come down (a little).

I would personally not want to move because this is where my life is. I do not make friends that easily either..i tend to be very shy around people i dont know.

Moving will be a big adjustment and its not a decision you have to make in one day or even this early. I would throw the idea around, look around LI at prices of houses/condos and see what your options are.

Good luck

---

Posted by charliesbride

sorry that you have to deal with such a dilemma...but you still have 2 years. a lot can happen in 2 years...you both can get raises, and there is talk that the prices in houses might start to come down (a little).

I would personally not want to move because this is where my life is. I do not make friends that easily either..i tend to be very shy around people i dont know.

Moving will be a big adjustment and its not a decision you have to make in one day or even this early. I would throw the idea around, look around LI at prices of houses/condos and see what your options are.

Good luck

---

I agree. Its tough not being in a familiar place especially when you know no-one and have to be home at night alone....But you never know, things can change in a few years. I would not want to move away from my family, friends or familiar surroundings.

---

Posted by charliesbride

sorry that you have to deal with such a dilemma...but you still have 2 years. a lot can happen in 2 years...you both can get raises, and there is talk that the prices in houses might start to come down (a little).

I would personally not want to move because this is where my life is. I do not make friends that easily either..i tend to be very shy around people i dont know.

Moving will be a big adjustment and its not a decision you have to make in one day or even this early. I would throw the idea around, look around LI at prices of houses/condos and see what your options are.

Good luck

---

Thanks. I know we have a lot of time to worry about this... and if it were just me, I probably would ignore the issue until the time came... but one of the most irritating things about my FH is that he has no sense of things like that - no sense of 'let's deal with the present for right now, and worry about the future when the time comes.'
Ug, and this was such awful timing too, because I have so much crap I need to do today, and now I can't concentrate. The whole idea just upsets me because, like you, this is where my life is.

Ug. Maybe cost of living will drop, and everything will be ok...
Hey, I can dream, can't I?

where does he want to move to?

---

Posted by espresso

where does he want to move to?

---

I don't think he really cares... just somewhere cheaper. Nothing too far... he was talking about maybe upstate NY, or near Boston (because I have some college friends there, although I don't know how long they'll stay there), or maybe Connecticut.

He's a cop, I'll be a teacher... so our jobs are needed pretty much everywhere. Although every time we move, he will probably have to do the academy over, and I have to get recertified in every new state.

But I don't want to live in any of those places... If I have friends in a place, I might consider it, but I just don't think I can live in/near Boston permanently... it's nice, but it just doesn't feel like home. And Red Sox fans drive me up the wall... and I don't even follow baseball!

its not cheaper living around Boston

upstate is nice around albany

---

Posted by weddingbunny

So, I was talking to my fiance this morning, and he was saying that he thinks we should leave Long Island once we're married because cost of living is too expensive here.

I just don't know what to do.

I totally understand the whole cost of living thing, and I know that we'd never be able to afford things here that we could elsewhere... but this is my home. The only time I've ever lived somewhere besides Long Island was when I went away to college, and I was basically just homesick for 4 years. Granted, a lot of that was because Jeff and I were long distance, and I had trouble really finding a niche in college, but... I was just so lonely.

And the thing is, Jeff is a cop, so he works strange hours. Which means that regardless of where we live I'll be spending a lot of my nights alone. The idea of being somewhere where I don't know anybody and not even really having him around a lot of the time... I hate it. I get so lonely even now when he's not around and I'm living at home with my parents.

I just hate the idea of moving somewhere where I don't know anybody just because it's cheaper. I know I'd meet new people, and make new friends, but I'm not the kind of person who makes friends easily, and being in a totally new place surrounded by strangers is really really hard for me. Plus, I know if I told my parents we were moving away, they would be heartbroken. And I've always envisioned myself seeing them at least once a week, and having them around when I need them, but once you leave LI that gets difficult.

I don't know. Are any of you facing this dilemma? Are any of you planning on leaving LI once you're married? Where would you go? Why? Or why stay here?

I guess I just thought this would always be home... but now it might turn out that I was wrong.

---

This is my experience. I grew up in long island, same house my whole life. Me and FH decided to move to NC in June of 2004. It was hard because we left behind all of our family and friends, all we had was each other. I met some nice people at my new job and now my mom has moved to Georgia (4 1/2 hours away) and my FH's parents are moving down to NC in like a year so it all worked out. I love it here and do not regret our decision to move at all.. Good luck, FM me if you wanna talk more about the transition

Steph

---

Posted by snowprincess805

its not cheaper living around Boston

upstate is nice around albany

---

It depends on where you live around Boston... a couple of my friends have an absolutely gorgeous apartment in Newton for around 800 a month, with hardwood floors and heated marble tiles in the bathroom. It's amazing.
Gas prices are also a bit lower up there.

My aunt lives near Albany... it's nice, but I just couldn't see living there.

Thanks anyway though!

I understand where you are coming from. I am extrememly close to my family and my FH is to his as well, but looking at the prices of houses (which i look at everyday), there is probably no way I can stay here, not unless something drastic happens (like I win the lotto, a girl can dream )

It is extremely depressing, especially when my friends around me are all married and settled with houses here already so it's not even like someone i know will be moving too.

I hate even thinking about it, but it's always lurking in the back of my mind. I guess I'm like your FH, I can't not think about it. But i do agree this is our home, LI is where I want to stay.

But no matter where I do go, as long as my FH is with me I will always have my family by my side.

it may not be cheaper but we're moving to California. We can't stand the winter weather anymore and I know personally I'm a little burnt out on being in NY. And if, after we start pricing apartments, we find that Cali is just a little too expensive, well then maybe we'll look at the Carolinas.

---

Posted by weddingbunny

---

Posted by charliesbride

sorry that you have to deal with such a dilemma...but you still have 2 years. a lot can happen in 2 years...you both can get raises, and there is talk that the prices in houses might start to come down (a little).

I would personally not want to move because this is where my life is. I do not make friends that easily either..i tend to be very shy around people i dont know.

Moving will be a big adjustment and its not a decision you have to make in one day or even this early. I would throw the idea around, look around LI at prices of houses/condos and see what your options are.

Good luck

---

Thanks. I know we have a lot of time to worry about this... and if it were just me, I probably would ignore the issue until the time came... but one of the most irritating things about my FH is that he has no sense of things like that - no sense of 'let's deal with the present for right now, and worry about the future when the time comes.'
Ug, and this was such awful timing too, because I have so much crap I need to do today, and now I can't concentrate. The whole idea just upsets me because, like you, this is where my life is.

Ug. Maybe cost of living will drop, and everything will be ok...
Hey, I can dream, can't I?

---

hey it may not even be a dream, you never know what can happen, like 2yrs ago George was supposed to move to Florida for work and I started to panic at the thought of moving down there and leaving my entire family, but then things changed and it turns out his job needed him up here, so you never know

I wo uldn't worry about it too much....things will always work out......

FH and I actually already moved-to SC...it was and still is a hard move to deal with and we have been here for a few years.
I will not lie it costs 1/4 of what it costs in NY to live. Its nice b/c we are able to put money away and still go out and pay our bills with no problem.
You can always look at it like this-you move somewhere cheaper buy your first home, sooner or later you are able to upgrade your home to something nicer and then you sell it and move back to NY...thats what we are going to do. Right now we are in an apartment-but the cost of my bills every month (rent, electric, cable, water) is about 1100 a month

Good Luck-everything always falls into place!

I totally understand how you feel. But the truth is for me that you will never have the homes of your dreams in NYC and the property is not worth it.

I am thinking about moving to ATL or NC. The job market is also about to deflunt in NY since many of the major corporations are moving out.

---

Posted by snowprincess805

its not cheaper living around Boston

upstate is nice around albany

---

Upstate is really nice can can he be NYPD without living within the 5 boroughs of NYC?

---

Posted by JazzyT

---

Posted by snowprincess805

its not cheaper living around Boston

upstate is nice around albany

---

Upstate is really nice can can he be NYPD without living within the 5 boroughs of NYC?

---

He doesn't have to live in the 5 boroughs (we live in Suffolk now), although we couldn't really go very far upstate, because it would be an awfully long commute.

I think it depends what you mean by 'upstate.' I'd consider maybe Rockland County around, like the parts just North of the city,, but I wouldn't really call that upstate. I wouldn't want to go up to Albany, and certainly not furthur to Rochester or Syracuse or Buffalo or something... I've been up there, it's just not somewhere I could see myself living. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just not for me.

Blah. This whole thing is so complicated. It's nice to know though that I'm not the only one facing this dilemma.