My bittersweet shower story (long...)

Before I begin, I want you all to realize that this is not a 'normal' shower review, so procede with caution.

I'm pretty sure that I mentioned that Patrick's birthday was this past Thursday, Sept. 11th. We had dinner plans with his family, so I came home from work, changed, and was chatting through email with my buddy Anna, when my dad called. He wanted to drop off Patrick's birthday card, and was checking that we would be home. I said that we would be for the next hour, and he said he'd be over, but that my mom wouldn't be coming because my Nana wasn't feeling well. To make a long story short, my mother didn't want me to know because she wanted me to be with Patrick on his birthday, but my Nana was in pretty bad shape. I went with my dad to my Nana's nursing home, and I was so glad that I had come. She's been sick off and on for many years, but I had never seen her so bad, and I knew things weren't getting any better. I talked to her, and told her how much I loved her and how lucky I was to have her as my Nana, but she never opened her eyes. The nurses told me that she could hear me though.

Patrick picked me up (against my will, but my mom made me leave) and we had a nice dinner with his family.

Friday morning, while I was getting ready for work my mom called and told me that Nana had passed away a few hours before. It was too late for me to get a sub, and I thought I'd be okay, so I went to work. They sent me home the minute I walked in the door because I was a mess.

Meanwhile, I had plans to go with my parents and my brother to plan the menu for my sister's bridal shower on Saturday, which I suspected for a while might be MY shower. All day Friday I kept remarking that we should reschedule that, but no one responded to me. Every time I mentioned it, my comments were met with DEAD silence. I was filled with dread that my shower may have been the next day. Finally, I cornered my mom and asked her. She looked horrified and said NO, and why would I think that. I gave her my reasons, and she assured me that I was wrong. I believed her.

That night, my mom told my dad and brother and me to go to the menu planning without her, that she had too many things to take care of and just didn't feel up to tasting food and making decisions. I said I wasn't going either, and that we should just reschedule for a happier day. Again, dead silence. Finally, my dad just said okay.

I went home late that night, and my dad called me and said my mother really wanted me to take care of my sister's shower arrangements, and could I please just make her happy and go. Then I KNEW that it had to be my shower. Why else would it be SO important that we go??

I decided to ask Patrick, and he denied knowing anything about it. I burst into tears and I said 'I know it is, and I'm not going. I can't handle it, and I know my mom won't be there.' He hugged me and told me the truth, and said it was SO important to my mom that we have it and that I be surprised, and asked me if I could please just go along with it for her sake. I wouldn't agree because I was SURE she wasn't going to be there. Let me just tell you that at this point my mother hadn't eaten or slept in 3 or 4 days, looked like hell and was popping Valium like candy. I really thought going to my shower was beyond what could be expected of someone in her state, and I wasn't going to have it without her. I knew she had probably put a half a ton of effort into making it wonderful, and I wanted her to share the joy with me. There was NO WAY I was having a shower without her there.
After MUCH pleading and promising, Patrick convinced me to play the part. He swore to me that even though he was going to get up early and pretend to go to work, he would be there when I got there, and that made me feel a little stronger.

I didn't sleep a wink Friday night, and my Dad picked me up at 12:30, as planned. When I got in the car, I was THRILLED to see my mom was there! She looked so sad and miserable, but she was there. I just hoped she was going to stay.

We arrived at the restaurant, and when I walked in and saw all the people who were there, I had no reason to fake any sort of emotion. I burst into tears and hugged my mom and told her I thought she wasn't going to come. She was crying too, and the entire party was dead silent. No one even bothered to yell surprise.

Patrick came over and gave me flowers and I cried all over again. He brought me into the room, and I began thanking people for coming, and soon there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

The first five minutes were sheer hell, the first hour was difficult, but all in all, it was a VERY nice shower, and a much needed break from reality, and contrary to my initial beliefs, I enjoyed it very much. Even my mom smiled and ate a few bites.

As far as specifics, it was at Il Giardino in Commack. There were 77 people there, and I got more gifts than I ever imagined any baby could need. So many BEAUTIFUL things... I'm still very overwhelmed. The food was excellent, but the service was another story. My dad knows the owner, who is a very nice man, but the maitre'd spoke very rudely to my mother on several occaisions, AND although my parents were PROMISED that the restaurant would be closed for the duration of my shower, the maitre'd seated a few people for lunch! They were VERY embarassed, and appologized over and over, but it wasn't THEIR fault.

We had Nana's wake the next day. All of her nurses from the nursing home came, and they brought me a gift my Nana had planned for me to have at my shower. It was a very emotional moment. I still haven't opened it. I cry every time I look at it. Patrick said we can open it together later.

Oh, and to just add another happy note to the story, yesterday was my nana's funeral, and my cousin and his wife had twins! A beautiful little boy and girl. 4 weeks early, and SO perfect! We stopped to visit them in New Jersey after the burial, and soon we were ALL smiling at the precious gift my nana sent to us.

This is already pretty long, so for now I'll skip the story about how on the ride from the funeral mass on LI to the burial upstate we actually lost Nana for a short time. It was excellent comedic relief on one of my saddest days, but I'll save that story for another day.

For anyone who read this far... Thanks.

Oh, and for everyone who sent me email and FM, I appologize for not responding, but I promise I'll get to it soon.