my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

pinkstar025 Posted: May 24, 2005 07:06 AM

my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

To start off...my CLOSEST friend ( who set me and FH up in a bar one night we were out ) hasn't really been around much. She rarely returns my calls and NEVER tries to contact me herself. We hung out EVERYDAY before i met FH. And she was in a relationship now at the same time so i understand how we didnt spend as much time together...but she literally will go months before returning a call...and i was seriously calling 2-3 times a week to try to keep the connection. She said she never got my calls on her cell or her house ( also caller id at both..PLEASE!) anyway....october 2003 she didnt even show up at our e-party. she said she was nauseous the night before so thats why she didnt show....and then i didnt see her until april 2004 when i went to bring her a b-day present. then in may 2004 we ordered our BM dresses...( cause my cousin owns a shop and got us a deal) and she didnt show with everyone else so i had to take her back a few weeks later. whatever..least of m concerns. but then i havn't seen her since. i still call every week or atleast every other and she does not return my calls. my cousins shop closed in december so we had to go get all the dresses...and she never did anything and i had to pay for hers. well my sister called and said she needed to get her act together or she was out. she cried to both of us calling that she never got any calls r emails i sent her about anything and wasnt ignoring us and is so sorry and she wants sooo badly to be a part of my wedding. ok well........still hasnt called me!! i called her again in april fr her b-day ( cause she moved and i dont even know where she is right now!!) ans she answered and said we would hang out hat weekend....well 3 calls later that week and many more in the past month..havent heard from her....
what do i say or do...last time she cried to me and i gave her a heart to heart...but obviously she could care less. it just hurts

CalJoe0124 Posted: May 24, 2005 07:13 AM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

Wow this is an all too familiar scenario that you are going through. I am going through somewhat similar right now and it really stinks. part of you must be hurt but the other part angry.
As far as advice I would say that this seems to be a consistent thing she does and way she treats you. Really what I can say to you and it is how I think is, don't you want to look at your wedding pictures in 25 years and still be friends with your BM's? I know that sounds stupid but I feel like that and if someone makes me feel upset or does not support me in one of the most important times in my life then why should I make an effort if they do not want to.
I wish you lots of luck and let me know if you need anything!

AnniesSS Posted: May 24, 2005 07:17 AM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

Im so sorry she's doing this to you

Ive read this problem from so many girls and heard the horror stories from friends.... having a larger bridal party is just too stressful!

I would just let it be - maybe when she realizes that you haven't called in a few weeks, she will see that you are really upset with her and maybe she'll go out of her way to be there for you. I hope she does, but it sounds like she's lost interest in the happiest day of your life.

boobobunny Posted: May 24, 2005 08:19 AM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

if she is drifitng so far away from the friendship now...she will probably drift further in future. So you have to ask yourself...do you really want someone in your bridal party and wedding pictures that you probably won't talk to? I know this stinks....I have a friend also who was supposed to be a BM...but she couldn't get it together...so I settled for just inviting her to the wedding..if she come great...if not...oh well.

MsKitty1274 Posted: May 24, 2005 08:34 AM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

I am going thru something similar, except that I have not seen or talked to her in the past 3 years! We were SO close in JHS and HS, she was even my sponsor when I became Catholic at the age of 16!! But life happened and she driffted away. I would (and still do) leave her messages on her answering machine telling her about my life, and goings on. But she never calls back. A mutual friend has been able to catch her as she's 'walking out the door' and made her stay on the phone for 5 min. She did mention to this friend about receiving my messages but said I never called back!! I want so bad for her to be a part of my day, but I don't think it will happen. One reason is FH has never met her and he has a bit of 'animosity' towards her b/c she does not 'try' to get in touch (ps-we live 5 min from each other). Another reason is many have said (married friends) 'you want the people closest to you there for you on that day' This coming from people who say they do not speak with their BMs any more.

Sorry to ramble, but I say make one last attempt, by email and call saying that you'll hold the dress if she's still interested, but that's it. I know it's hard.

-Jill

justshir Posted: May 24, 2005 08:48 AM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

i say bounce her. call and email. leave her messages stating as of now she's out but nicely. your wedding's in november? this gives you some time to find a replacement. yes, it's sad that it's come to this but she's stressing you out. a bride cannot and should not stress over trivial things. she's suppose to be of some help to you not added crap. she's stupid if she doesn't understand. it's not like it's the first attempt. the 'i never got your messages' is getting too old. bounce her.

pinkstar025 Posted: May 24, 2005 09:00 AM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

thanks girls....in a way i jsut want to stop trying to make contact and leave it at that...cause i dont have the uts to say shes out...and how do i invite her just to the wedding?? i was even inviting her family to the wedding..thats how close we were...so now do i sill invite them and her???? if i bring it up she'll say she is just busy and still wants to be in the wedding....im just a confused girl i guess

but thank you all!

bridetobe Posted: May 24, 2005 09:18 AM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

Sorry but this girl is not your freind. Friends don't treat friends that way. I don't care what you have going on in your life. I would never treat a friend like that, nor would I allow myself to be treated that way. You should drop her from your bridal party now otherwise you are going to be dealing with this crap all the way up until your wedding day, when she will either be late or not show.

jersee3380 Posted: May 24, 2005 06:24 PM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

i think she is being so rude and uncaring. if she wants so bad to be a part of your wedding, she'd be calling/seeing you!!

i would leave her a message or whatever and just say 'things aren't working out, i need my bm's to be in touch all the time and maybe it's better you aren't a part of it since you obviously have other things going on'.

she'll either get the hint and start helping or she'll agree and be done w/ it. either way, u win

junebride! Posted: May 25, 2005 01:08 AM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

She may be rude...or is it that somethng else is going on? A big problem perhaps in her family? with her job? hope not, but some sort of addiction?

Is there anyone (perhaps a family member of hers?) you could talk to about her?

halfpintny Posted: May 25, 2005 01:31 AM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

From someone with BM issues, I say you make a last ditch attempt to contact her by telephone. If you get the machine I'd leave a message to the effect of being a BM is a lot of work and since she is too busy to get back to you maybe she has too much on her plate right now to participate in the wedding. If at this point she doesnt call you I'd assume that she IS too busy to be in it and that she is not interested in maintaining the friendship

If she's like this now imagine what it will be like closer to the wedding. It's not fair to you or the other BMs that have to plan stuff with her. Lots of hugs for you.

amazon_gracie Posted: May 25, 2005 02:30 AM

Re: my BM drama.. ( long...but please post poll...im so stressed)

Good for you... for making such an effort. Unfortunately it seems like things are lacking on her end. I would try talking to her again and explaining why you don't think she should be a part of your bridal party, etc. If she's going through an extremely difficult situation, you're giving her a final chance to explain. If she keeps giving the same excuse, I would seriously consider cutting her.