My BM just cursed me out ... Update: She called and

I apologize as this is long. One of my BM's just cursed me out and hung up on me saying that she didn't have time for my sh*t! Basically this person was pregnant when we ordered the dress and refused to give me any type of guesstimate measurement insisting that I just order something with a 44 inch bust. She lives out of town and has some major marital issues and lives at home with her mom. The dresses come in and we knew it would be big but her mom who she swore up and down was going to alter the dress said she would alter it.When the dress came in her mom said she couldn't alter it b/c of how it 'fell' on my BM. I called and cleared up the confusion and told her if her mom still thought she couldn't alter it that she should give me a call at the end of the week. I even offered to squeeze her into my personal appt with Phyllis that coming weekend but she told me that she couldn't come down from CT b/c she was taking her son to the aquarium. Lo and behold, I am now almost two weeks away from my wedding and my MOH calls today and asks if I have spoken to the BM. I said no and she said I should call her b/c there are dress issues. At this point I am fuming b/c I have bent over backwards in the dress process for her. I paid for her dress and even based my dress choice on what I thought would be the least uncomfortable and most forgiving on her (all of my other bm are twiggies). I call her and ask what's wrong with the dress and she says that her mom won't alter it. I ask what's wrong and she says it's just too big. I ask her if she took it to a seamstress in the area and offered to pay for the alterations and she said she doesn't have time to research a seamstress. At this point, I tell her that I am upset that she waited until a few weeks before the wedding to tell me and then she cuts me off by saying how she has to work and she doesn't have time to hear how upset I am and that she doesn't have to listen to my sh*t and hung up on me. I am in tears and now my already uneven party (another bm had to drop b/c she is preggers and due any minute) is even more uneven.

I have 4 girls (including MOH) and 7 guys (including BM), 2 flower girls and a RB. WHat do I do??Plus I am really embarassed b/c I don't have alot of close friends and my FH has tons and now I feel like a loser who can't even fill out a BP.

Update: She called and left a nasty message saying that she tried the dress on again and it is too big and the more she thinks about it the more she realizes that I should give her her money back! Is she nuts?????

I hope you don't mind a reply from a mom

I'm so sorry your friend put this on you! Please do NOT call yourself a loser, filling a bridal party should never be a priority! Remember, quality over quantity!! One close friend is worth more than many who don't care so much! (Does that make sense?)

Better to have an uneven # (many brides do!) than to have these issues over your head for the next few weeks. You have 2 flower girls, rounds it out nicely IMO. You tried to be sensitive to her needs, but don't let her problems bring you down right now. Best wishes

I've been dealing with similar crap with 2 of my BM's...and honestly- It's just not worth it. The reason i can say this is because I know that if I had a prob;em with ANYTHING the last person I would wawnt to upset is the bride, and I would make sure what needed to get done got done, because thats what BM's do....
that being said-- all of her drama is exactly just that-- HER drama-- it has nothing to do with you. If she's going to be that selfish, just let it go. the people there in your wedding party are there because you want them to be and they want to see you on the most wonderful day of your life... your wedding is unique to you-- and if that means you had to do thing sdifferent, then good for you! (Plus when you and your hubby reach your 35th wedding anniversary...you'll still have this to look back on and laugh)
try not to get too upset- I've been a basket case the past 2 weeks, trying to sort things out with my girls, and I came to the conclusion- Theres only so much i can do- and being that i would never hurt someone intentionally like they did to me--( and she to you)- the rest is up to them :)
HTH!! keep smiling :)

First - I agree, I would be upset. I worked full time, had a 4 year old and still had time to go to all my fittings and plan a wedding. No excuse. It only takes a few minutes.

Secondly - I had 3 girls and 4 guys. It doesnt mean you dont have friends, or cant fill out a bridal party. It means you put only the people who are close to you in your wedding party rather than just grabbing anyone to make it even! I think thats better! Id rather have people close to us stand up there than people I dont know as well.

This may be a good thing in disguise.

I have 4 girls and 7 guys too. FH is a Marine and wanted many of his Marine Corp buddies to be in it. I only have a few close friends and didn't want to just 'fill up ' a bridal party. Don't worry that it is uneven, be happy that those that are a part of your day are the ones who really care about you and youru FH.

Your day will be beautiful regardless

I'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of nonsense so close to your day. Don't worry about an uneven bridal party, it doesn't scream 'this bride has no friends' - it merely shows that you were selective. My BP is uneven. I only chose my sister, and the two friends that I have had for more than ten years. Sure, I have some other friends I could have used to fill it up, but as much as I value those friendships, marriage is for a lifetime, and I wanted those girls that have spent a LARGE portion of their life as a part of mine standing next to me, not the ones I have only known for a year or two. (there was one other girl I considered asking, but something told me to hold off, and now she isn't even invited to the wedding)

Be grateful you found out now, and not the day of with her coming down the aisle in a dress that wasn't altered and doesn't fit.

Don't let her get to you. It's YOUR day. If she can't cooperate and make her dress right, then you can't have her in the wedding It's ok.

I'm in a very similar position. FH has 8 ~ I have 6 and maybe one less because one thinks she won't fit in her dress.

I told her if she doesn't fit, she can just come as a guest. You can't be responsible for everything.

Thanks Ladies for all the advice. As it stands now, we have not spoken and I do not even consider her invited to my wedding. After talking to a few close friends, we realized that b/c she has been having major marital issues from day one and she had a shotgun wedding right out of college, there may be some petty jealousy that is finally coming out. Still, I can't believe that this is happenig with a little less than three weeks to go.

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Posted by N.Y.bride

First - I agree, I would be upset. I worked full time, had a 4 year old and still had time to go to all my fittings and plan a wedding. No excuse. It only takes a few minutes.

Secondly - I had 3 girls and 4 guys. It doesnt mean you dont have friends, or cant fill out a bridal party. It means you put only the people who are close to you in your wedding party rather than just grabbing anyone to make it even! I think thats better! Id rather have people close to us stand up there than people I dont know as well.

This may be a good thing in disguise.

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I totally agree!!!! You're bridalparty shouldn't be based on numbers but on the people who you really want with you on YOUR day!!!

OMG!
Talk about needing !!!
Tell her she's out. Nice attitude. I am so tired of people resenting brides. It is bad enough to not have any interest in your friends wedding (cause in point, me!), but to curse you out!!!
The nerve of some people, really.
An uneven party is fine. FH wa sina wedding 6 years ago, and there were 2 BMs, and 6 GMs, the pictures looked beautiful.
It really is quality over quantity.
Look on the bright side- once she's out, it will save you serious day- of drama. It has been known to happen- you are better off!

you have done more than enough to accomodate her....you don't need her in your bridal party...she does not sound like a true friend...better find out now then a month after your wedding when her face is in all of your wedding pics!!! i would def. contact her and say that you have done more than you can to help her and maybe it is best that she just comes as a guest...
now let her go by a dress to wear!!! oh and i would get the dress back that you paid for after the wedding and sell it on ebay!

sorry to sound angry..but shame on her for stressing you before the big day!!!

awwww.....

I have a very uneven bridal party ...4 girls and 9 boys and only 1 FG...

the ladies that you have standing up for you are th ones that count and want to be there. If someone is not willing to hear you out or deal with things that concern the BP let it go...

your pics willbe spectacular and so will your day ....double some guys up with one girl ...have someone who is not in the bp escourt the biys in...play around...

Awwww I am so sorry you had to go through that. I think you did a very good job at trying to accomodate her, and she is just just one of those people where nothing is ever good enough for them.

I have an uneven bridal party, I have 3 girls and 2 guys.

I could have had 8 girls, but I just realized that I didn't want to have to feel like we were filling a quota. At first I thought the same thing, bc my FH doesn't have a lot of guy friends. But to us, it doesn't matter bc the friends that are in it are so wonderful.

I even had my cousin tell the girls she couldn't afford to contribute to a bridal shower from Mississippi. Then she dropped out of the party altogether. Then she told me she would be able to come at all to the wedding. Here's the kicker, she just got engaged last week, and called me and asked ME to be in HER wedding and go all the way down to Mississippi!!!! Uh, I don't think so!!!

Don't worry, it will all work out, and if she isn't in the party, remember the girls who are in it, are the ones that will stick by you through thick and thin!!

Good luck!!

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Posted by neener1211

Awwww I am so sorry you had to go through that. I think you did a very good job at trying to accomodate her, and she is just just one of those people where nothing is ever good enough for them.

I have an uneven bridal party, I have 3 girls and 2 guys.

I could have had 8 girls, but I just realized that I didn't want to have to feel like we were filling a quota. At first I thought the same thing, bc my FH doesn't have a lot of guy friends. But to us, it doesn't matter bc the friends that are in it are so wonderful.

I even had my cousin tell the girls she couldn't afford to contribute to a bridal shower from Mississippi. Then she dropped out of the party altogether. Then she told me she would be able to come at all to the wedding. Here's the kicker, she just got engaged last week, and called me and asked ME to be in HER wedding and go all the way down to Mississippi!!!! Uh, I don't think so!!!

Don't worry, it will all work out, and if she isn't in the party, remember the girls who are in it, are the ones that will stick by you through thick and thin!!

Good luck!!

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Thanks! I was really down about it when it first happened and said I felt like a loser when the truth was my feelings were hurt b/c we had been friends for 9 years. Now, I think I am better off, especially when she called and demanded her $$ back. Blessings sometimes come in disguise.