So my bridesmaid was telling me that she might lose her job. Well see did. She was also telling me that if she loses her job she will collect unemployment and spend the summer with her kids and get a job when they go back to school. Well yesterday FH tells me that she lost her job and she can't afford to be in the wedding. I was like what do you mean. And he goes on to tell me that my sister had asked for money for my bridal shower and she can't afford it. So I told him I didn't want to know anything about my bridal shower so I told FH to go talk to my sister. Then today my sister says to me so XXXXX is not in the wedding. Ok XXXXX never called me and told me that she didn't want to be in my wedding. What the hell is going on. Should I call her? Wait until she calls me? Wait until her bridesmaid dress comes in? What should I do? Shes really starting to get on my nerves.
fujamaga
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
Yuck that stinks. Maybe you should wait it out, she might've just said that in the heat of the moment. If she doesn't say anything and your sister is completely positive that she wants out of the wedding, then maybe you should have a one on one conversation with her.
Edited: I didn't realize s*cks was a bad word.
gettinghizitched
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
Posted by fujamaga
Yuck that stinks. Maybe you should wait it out, she might've just said that in the heat of the moment. If she doesn't say anything and your sister is completely positive that she wants out of the wedding, then maybe you should have a one on one conversation with her.
Edited: I didn't realize s*cks was a bad word.
Yeah it really sux that you can't say s u c k s!
beram63
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
that is inconsiderate. maybe she feels really bad and has been procrastinating a little with talking to you about it? i hope things work out.
PreshusSmurf
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
I would call her .... you know she lost her job, and you should reach out to her as a friend to be there for her ... and in the process of being there for her,
If she can't afford it without a job, well, then, she can't afford it ... there isn't anything you can do I guess. She isn't going to magically come up with the money out of nowhere .... she should pay for the dress that she ordered, but that's it ...
Also, did she tell your FH directly that she wants out of the wedding or is he just hearing that through the grapevine from your other bridesmaid?
gettinghizitched
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
Posted by PreshusSmurf
I would call her .... you know she lost her job, and you should reach out to her as a friend to be there for her ... and in the process of being there for her,
If she can't afford it without a job, well, then, she can't afford it ... there isn't anything you can do I guess. She isn't going to magically come up with the money out of nowhere .... she should pay for the dress that she ordered, but that's it ...
Also, did she tell your FH directly that she wants out of the wedding or is he just hearing that through the grapevine from your other bridesmaid?
Her husband who is also in the wedding told FH who told me. But she never told me that she got fired. She said it joking around.So I'm like it's her job to pick up the phone and tell me. When I was in her wedding she never had a shower or a bashlerette party so maybe she thought that people didn't do those things anymore. I don't know. But I do know that it's not right!
FutureMrsF2010
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
Its NO excuse by any means for not talking directly to you, but maybe shes is a little embarassed to tell you her situation and thought going though others was an easier way to do it??
Maria31
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
Wow, that is def not something that you want to hear from anyone else BUT your BM...
If I were in her situation, before pulling myself out of the wedding, I would have talked to you about it first! Maybe you could have worked something out, especially if it's really important for you to have her be part of your wedding. She must be totally embarassed and upset... I would wait it out a little. If she doesn't approach you with it soon, then you definitely have to talk to her about it.
So sorry! Good Luck!
Christine N Ralph
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
I would call her and see what the situation is...she should be upfront with you. Especially being that this is your wedding,,,and you are going to be affected by this...
mnd1202
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that is rude hwo cdould she not call u to tell u that...i hate inconsiderate people...they are really getting on my nerves ntoday
gettinghizitched
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I think that if she didn't want to be in my wedding then she should've said no. I f you say yes to be in somebody wedding you have to have an idea that you will be spending some money. I can't. She better tell me whats up soon or i'm really going to be pissed.
alissa5517
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
I would call her. Talk to her, she is probably nervous to call you and doesn't want to ruin your day. She is going to have to pay for her dress anyway since it is already ordered. You need to let her know that. Maybe she could not participate in the shower but still be in the wedding. Since she has to pay for the dress what else is there for her to pay for besides the shower.
fiore76
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
Maybe people could help her with money and she could still be in the wedding, I am sure she is embarrassed.
gettinghizitched
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Posted by fiore76
Maybe people could help her with money and she could still be in the wedding, I am sure she is embarrassed.
I'm sure shes not embarrassed. I'm sure shes just being a b i t c h. Because shes will tell you anything to your face so i don't know what is taking her so long. How can her husband afford to be in the wedding but not her. I don't get it.
fiore76
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hmmmm....
Cpt2007
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I can understand that you are upset, especially hearing this third hand, however, I think you need to step back for a minute. Mode of hearing aside, its not fair to judge someone based on whether or not they have the money to be in your wedding. Should they be straight about it and say they can't afford it? Yes. Does it give you the right to say she's a so-and-so if she can't and MAY be embarrassed to tell you just yet? In my humble opinion, no. I don't know your situation at all, and obviously don't know you, but from what you said above...
If it were me, I'd call her up and check in. Ask her how things are going. And then gradually ease into it and say, 'your DH told my FH that you don't think you can be in the wedding any more. Is this true?' Based off of that, discern what your next step is, but I woudl not let it sit, nor would I let it fester. And to boot, MOST bridesmaids spend a lot more than groomsmen on a wedding, so again, it may be an economical choice that they are making if her DH will be staying in your wedding party.
Good luck, but I think you need to talk to her and not let it sit.
PegaLega
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
Maybe its not that she cant afford to be in the wedding but cant afford the shower or bachelorette party....just a thought. They may be tossing it back and forth and she may have said to her husband I cant afford to be in this wedding if I have to pay for the shower and bachelorette party.
While I agree its not your job to call her and ask her if she is in or out (ooh Had a Heidi Klum moment) I think you should call her. She may be putting it off trying to think of how she COULD pull it off.
And as much as the norm is for BMs to pay for the shower and b party-mine didnt-my MIL did my whole shower. She may not have expected to have to spend that money and said yes thinking it was just the dress (and other day of stuff) and that would be it.
BoxOfRocks
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
I'm not sure what the dynamic is between you and your BM, but on the surface, your reaction appears selfish. She just lost her job! Plus, she has upcoming financial commitments to you that she previously committed to that she may not be able to live up to. She may be embarrassed to tell anyone about this, her previous jokes notwithstanding. Yes, she should have called. But she just had a major life change directly impacting her. I mean, couldn't one also fairly say that you should have called her to ask her how she's feeling?
Posted by PreshusSmurf
I would call her .... you know she lost her job, and you should reach out to her as a friend to be there for her ... and in the process of being there for her,
If she can't afford it without a job, well, then, she can't afford it ... there isn't anything you can do I guess. She isn't going to magically come up with the money out of nowhere .... she should pay for the dress that she ordered, but that's it ...
Also, did she tell your FH directly that she wants out of the wedding or is he just hearing that through the grapevine from your other bridesmaid?
This is good advice. Reach out to her as a friend. Iron out the BM issue later.
Danyell48
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Re: My bridesmaid drama!! I need help!
that sux that she lost her job but she can't decide not to be in the bridal party and not tell the bride, i would call her and get the story straight from her, like the other girls said, she has a side of the story too
