In my years of experience with toddlers, I do have to say that at a certain point in your pregnancy they get can have really awful behavior on top of the usual terrible two's stuff. I think they sense the change that is a-coming
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They are stressing their independence and learning that they are a separate being from Mommy. This to shall pass
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Here is something I found
They say 'No' when they mean 'Yes.' They want control. They eat on the run.
All of a sudden, they are mobile creatures; 2-year-olds have the whole world to explore. And they want to do it now.
'All this time they weren't able to, but now they can walk, talk and feed themselves,' says Donna Legro, a lecturer at the University of Houston. 'They push the parent away because they want to do it themselves.'
Frequently termed 'the terrible twos,' this age is punctuated by temper tantrums and aggression, and marked by repetition -- the same story every night, the same path up and down the stairs, the same food, the same thing to wear every day.
The child's limited vocabulary begins to grow into complete sentences, from 18 to 300 words, although the typical 2-year-old becomes frustrated at times because he can't express himself as well as he would like. That's when temper tantrums and aggression erupt, says Kay Albrecht, executive director of Heartshome Early Learning Center and commissioner for the National Academy of Early Childhood Programs, which accredits programs that serve children from birth to 8 years.
'There is almost always a correlation between language development and aggression,' she says. 'Those who have language to let people know what their needs are tend to be less aggressive.'
Parents shouldn't despair when they see their child acting aggressively, because it's normal for them to act that way.
That behavior almost always passes when the child who is bitten or shoved gets attention and the child who bites or shoves gets ignored, she said. The adult should present the child with an alternative, such as waiting for a turn to play with something, and offer to help -- 'Here, let me hold you in my arms while you wait.'
Two-year-olds want to make decisions for themselves, which may prove difficult for parents because the child's favorite word is usually 'no.'
Avoid asking them questions that can be answered that way, Legro says.
'Instead of asking them if they want to get dressed, ask them whether they want to wear their blue dress or their red dress,' Legro says.
The same with food, she says. 'Feeding can be a real trauma for a parent,' she said, in part because the child is so active. They are going to eat what they want, then rush on to other things. She advises parents to 'have lots of little meals and finger foods, because they're going to eat on the run whether you want to or not.'
Albrecht advises against trying to toilet train a 2-year-old, which she says meets with an 80 percent failure rate.
'When they are trying to control things around them for the first time, the last thing they can do is control their bladder,' she says.
They need to have language to tell the parent they need to go to the bathroom and not be headstrong about it, she said.
'Two-year-old constipation --that's a control issue,' she said. 'They've learned that if they don't do it, they get lots of attention.'
Optimum toilet training time is 2½to 3 years old for girls and 3 for boys, she said.
Parents with a 2-year-old can expect to see them begin to pretend while they play, says Gayle Coleman, child-care resource and referral coordinator for Initiatives for Children. 'You start seeing them sitting at a table with their dolls, pretending to be someone else,' she says. But they are more likely to play beside a friend than with him --that comes later, Coleman said.
Parents frequently tell their 2-year-olds to share, but that's a concept they can't grasp, Coleman says. Instead, tell them to take turns, something that is easier for the parent to demonstrate for them, she said.
Tantrums are inevitable. Parents who interact with a child during a tantrum will just prolong it, Albrecht says. Validate the child's problem, then walk away, she advises.
'When a child is having a tantrum, they're totally unreachable,' she said. 'Say, `You're upset because you can't have a cookie -- when you're done, come talk to me.' '
Spanking only says, 'You have to stop because I'm bigger than you,'Albrecht said. 'What a 2-year-old needs is a gentle nudge. Teach them logical consequences: If you throw your toys, I'm going to put them away. If you play with your food, you will leave the table. Children learn to connect.'
It's easy for parents of 2-year-olds to become frustrated or angry.
'They wonder, `What happened to that sweet little 16-month old who would do anything I said,' ' she says.
Parents needn't see this time as a power struggle, she said.
'They need to accept this belligerent behavior as a wonderful and positive sign that their child is growing up.'
Tantrums are inevitable. Parents who interact with a child during a tantrum will just prolong it.
HTH
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