My dilemma...

Well, remember a while ago my fsil got her chin pierced. She is just 16. She is going through the 'I want to be unique thing.' Which is great, find who you are. When I asked her to be in the wedding party it was before she started experimenting with hair dye (green might I add) and piercings.

And remember when I said, 'ohhhhh you all can where whatever shoes you want...' Forgot to mention that they should be dyed to her... Well she is going to wear... Ugh sneakers. I am guessing maybe she does not even want to be in the wedding. It is a light pink dress straight dress! Dale was mad I didn't say anything but it is his sister... So he said he would talk to her but maybe I can have him ask if she really wants to be in it. I already have paid for half her dress and I am thinking maybe just asking someone else.

Dale wants her to be in, and I am sorry to offend anyone here. But we are spending a lot of money on photo and video and I know it is a phase that I will be stuck looking at for the rest of my life.

Thanks for letting me vent. I really do like my fsil and feel bad for her. Her parents are going through a messy divorce and she is just caught in the middle.

Jenn, in about ten years you will look back on this and laugh -esp when FH's sister grows up to be a corporate lawyer. But for now, she has to lose the sneakers! You have been very gracious about her experimentation continuing on your wedding day, but sneakers is where it ends.

Good idea to have your FH ask her if she wants to back out, but I have a feeling that she likes the attention. If she stays in the party, you are absolutely in your bounds of bride-ness to say 'oh, I changed my mind, now there are shoe rules' and tell her what to wear since she can't dress herself.

Yes, the sneakers are a bit much. I went through the same phase at that age - the strange colored hair, piercings, 'different' clothes....and I'm VERY happy to say I grew out of it. But this is your wedding and you need to put your foot down as far as bridal party apparel. I don't think you are being out-of-bounds by telling her that she can't wear sneakers. Her hair and piercings, well, you can't do much about that. Maybe she will back out herself if she thinks she's going to have to 'conform.'
That's a tough situation! Good luck!

If you really do like her & feel bad for her, I think you should talk to her - maybe she needs some girl talk.

I went thru the same stage but I would ask her to please remove the piercing. One of my friends got married 10 years ago and her FH's brother's wife's (actually I don't even know if they were married yet) son from a previous marriage was 12-ish and was dressed for a BBQ. It ruined every single one of her family pictures and I can tell you she does not look at her album ten years later and laugh about it.

Now here's my bomb so who am I to cast stones or give advice - I am wearing sneakers. Not bridal sneakers, a pair of Nike running shoes. Don't care what anyone has to say. I'm the bride and it's what I want. So maybe that's the difference - I'M THE BRIDE.

Anyway, good luck.

My best friend got married this past June and her brother (older too, I might add) had purple streaks in his hair. No one paid attention to it at all. The streaks actually picked up the irises in the BMs bouquets.

I agree that one day you and FSIL will have a laugh about it. Plus you could always blackmail her. Just kidding. If you do decide to talk to her about your concerns with her appearance at your wedding, make sure you have the kid gloves on. It's a very difficult age.

I have a 16 year old in my wedding too.

MY famiylis pretty much not lettignme ask her for her opinion ons tuff. My mos said me & MOH should pick the dress & her mom said to jsut go ahead & make a hair appt. for her.

I guess they fear teenage rebellino or jsut cluelessnes.
SIcne her parents are goignthrough a divorce, she probably needs soem structure in her life.

Your FH should tell her she has to wear some kind of pink dress shoe & wear her hair in a way that the greenisn't so obvious ( if that's possible) or dye it back in July.

Let her wear the peircing if she cooperates on the other stuff.

Thanks everybody for all your advice! Dale actually talked to her and said for one day if she could wear shoes... I don't really care about the reception.... She could wear whatever but for pictures and ceremony....
Thanks to all!

Jen,

Ask her to die her hair pink for the day!

You said you can wear any SHOES you want ... that to me would apply something with a dressy. Its a little rude of her to assume that she can do that, but its really cool that you are be ing so supportive!