my drunken nite with the ex..very long need advice

so friday nite i had my first run in with my recent ex. u all know the drama i went threw with him and friday nite a mutual friend was having a birthday gathering at a local bar. i called to wish her happy bday but that i wouldnt b making it due to the fact that my ex might show up.

i was told he called and was not coming so i figured i would stop by the bar to say hello.. of course as soon as i get the the bar who is there but the EX.

now we were nice and cordial yet inside i was steaming mad not only at him but at my so called friend...

so to make a long story short, i got trashed and had the infamous drunken conversation with my ex outside of the bar, in which i vaguely rememeber telling him he was a selfish *******, on an ego trip who makes me disgusted just to look at him and even tho a part of me hates him im always gonna love him and why did he hafta do this to us blah blah blah..not one of my finest moments i will admit..so as i yelled and cried on apublic street corner...

i also told him that i cant see him at all again, its too hard for now (he was still coming by occassionally to get him mail) and that i dont think its fare to me, to take 2 steps fwd and 5 steps back everytime i c him and he acts like nothing happened between us for 3 years!

so anyways..the problems is this..i have cut him off completely cause for me it is just too hard, then i basically cut out whatever mutual friends we have had together b/c the constant reminder of us is to hard to deal with...

so..now i m good friends with my ex's sister in law. this is his brothers wife.. and since the break up we stayed close friends yet i m finding it harder and harder to stay friends with her. she is an awesome person..we dont even talk about the EX yet just hearing anything about there family makes me annoyed b/c i feel like i cant completely cut off the situation. just hearing the names is a constant reminder of my ex..i kno i can ask her not to mention anything that relates to them but whats the point of staying friends if we hafta censor what is said.


for example something that happened today.. i didnt tell anyone about my drunken encounter...then she calls me monday morning saying oh i heard u saw 'EX'..and i was so pissed she knew about it b/c personally i didnt wanna talk about it or hear about it..

obviously my ex told his brother he saw me, and then she is telling me the convo between the brother and my ex, and all the details of what i said to my EX....personally just hearing anything about the family annoys me and i feel bad cutting this girl out of my life but i kinda feel like it is the only way. is it wrong to wanna cut ties with anything related to my horrible break up, i dont know how i can move on if certain things still hold me back..please help

It will heal with time.

I think part of your problem might be this board, I know you two weren't engaged and you were having problems before the breakup when you spoke of marriage..... If thinking of him, seeing him, family members of him are bothering you a website you joined to discuss your possible future engagment might be just as hurtful.


Have you tried looking at putting your energies elsewhere? What are you hobbies?

First of all here are some of these


Second, believe it or not, your confrontation with your ex (however drunken it may have been) is a good step for you! Bravo!

Third, I would explain how you feel to ex's SIL. See what she says... Over time, you will heal and then may not be so sensitive to certain subjects. I would certainly limit time spent talking to her for the time being (of course tell her why) but don't cut her out completely.

Lastly, know that you have friends on these boards.

Sometimes when you're drunk you say the things you really need to let out and even let yourself hear. You really have to break all ties, I think. it's scary, but ti cna be a funa dventure, striking out on your own, redefining yourself and your friends and your life. We're here for you

I would probably sever ties with everyone to do with the ex. It sux but it's one of those things that happens with break ups - I lost a few friends with my last break up before DH.

It's wonderful that you have such a great relationship with the SIL but when it comes down to it, she will never be able to put you ahead of the ex and you will always be reminded of the broken relationship.

I would end the friendship with the sister in law. I don't think it's healthy for you. You need time to heal and having a constant reminder of your ex is not going to help you do that. I know it's hard to end a friendship but sometimes that's what has to be done. You have to think about what's best for you and decide from there. Think about yourself first. I know it sounds like a selfish thing to do but sometimes you have to be selfish.

As far as staying on the boards go I think it's great that you're doing that. While it may be a constant reminder it's also a line of support and that's really what you need right now.

OH..Im so sorry you ran into him..but glad you spoke your mind As for the sister in law..maybe explain to her its painful and that when you feel you have healed..you would love to be friends with her. Some day you will e able to do that and it will no longer be painful. Allow yourself the proper time to heal and surround yourself by people who will also let you heal. And you WILL meet someone who you love and who loves you and you WILL be planning your engagement on here and I cant wait for that to happen for you!!!!!!