My father just wrote to me after 18 yrs....

I have not heard or spoken to him since I was around 9 yrs old and I just reconnected with some family over facebook and coincidentally he is in Argentina with the family after not being there for 28 yrs. He says he really is sorry for not being there but had to leave for serious reasons and has tried to contact me but wasnt able to reach me.

I dont know what to think??????????????

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Posted by JJC

wow..thats a lot to take in . In my opinion everything happens for a reason. If it were me I would want to meet him and then see what happens from there

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I agree.. I would at least want to hear him out and see what his reasons were...That is a really tough situation to be in and I wish you all the best with that, whatever you decide!

I dont know. Its a complicated situation and I really do hate him but the sick part is I kinda want to know who he is and what has become of him. There are always questions about your parents that I cant really answer since he wasnt around and mom isnt around either so I have no idea what I should do.

He actually has a 14 yr old daughter named Cindy, which makes me even more mad. He says his wife at the time picked it but still why would you let her....that is MY NAME da mn it!!!!!!!!!!!!

My aunt and cousins say I should talk to him and that I have only 1 father but what if you dont need a father. I havent needed one for the past 18 yrs.

Dam n weddings look at what they do...makes me what to get all familal and sh*t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am super confused and I want to ball out crying right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As someone who's had her share of daddy issues I advice you to prep yourself and dont expect anything from him. If you decide this is a road you want to explore, expect nothing, go in with no preconceived notions of who he is or what he did. This way if he lets you down you wont be too sad, but if it works out even better.

Good luck.

I dont expect anything from him. I wish he wasnt there when I contacted my other family. I lived 18 yrs w/o him and was doing alright. THis actually made it worse for me

u need to take some time..dont rush ur decisoin right away..see how u really feel and decide what u want to do..right now u r angry and rightfully so but after the intial shock n anger passes see whats left..part of u may want to know more

I am so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through.

However, I have a long lost Sister who my Father wishes that he could have a relationship with. Her Mother (My Dad's ex) told her bad things about my Father and she believed them. I can't imagine anyone hating my Father so much- he is the most wonderful man to me (He and FH are the two best men in my life!)

But anyways, as a member of the 'other side' -there are two sides to every story. You never know what the other party is thinking, going through. I would reach out to him for some answers. It could be a nice outcome.

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Posted by kat124

As someone who's had her share of daddy issues I advice you to prep yourself and dont expect anything from him. If you decide this is a road you want to explore, expect nothing, go in with no preconceived notions of who he is or what he did. This way if he lets you down you wont be too sad, but if it works out even better.

Good luck.

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ITA!
I think if you don't talk to him to hear him out you will always wonder... so in a effort to put that to rest then you should listen to what he has to say. Be open about it.. don't expect anything from him. Just play it by ear and see how it goes. Don't do anything you feel uncomfortable doing... and don't go the extra mile for him either.
You are absolutely correct when you say you have lived without him for 18 years and you are just fine.. keep that in mind.. the truth is YOU DON'T NEED him.. as the past 18 years have just been proof of that. But he technically is your father and you are curious.. so just see what it's about... then make your decisions. Don't forget who raised you or who you are in the process. Also, know that NO MATTER who you speak to.. everyone will have their own side to the story and most often they will confict with eachother. Just take everything they say with a grain of salt. Don't fight anyone else's battles. You were the child in all of this and you are the innocent party; and it's not your place to fight anyone else's battles. I don't know your situation specifically.. but usually with these outcomes there's some bitterness and left over feelings and just a lot of depth to them and it's easy to get caught up in it all. I think it would be helpful to figure out what you want out of this and focus more on that. Find out what he has been up to and why he left and all the details... maybe even use that information to determine if you want to continue a relationship with him... but let it be your choice. And if you decide you want to continue a relationship with him, know that there will be things from the past that you might be upset about that you will have to let go or they will always get in the way of the relationship you are attempting.
The naming the daughter Cindy as well - that's a bit strange. I understand that his wife wanted to name her Cindy... but I would think he would say 'I have a daughter named Cindy already so let's pick another name'. But hey people do things for unknown reasons all the time.

Trust me... more people have been through this than you know. I have a VERY similiar situation. But your a step ahead of me... because my father hasn't contacted me yet.. and it's been 25 years! I have recently gotten intouch with some of family from his side... so I know it's only a matter of time. I don't want it to happen before the wedding... I'm almost positive it won't but like I said.. it is only a matter of time. There's a whole lot more to my situation... as there is for everyone's I'm sure.
I have personal experience with this whole situation.. from meeting the family members after long periods of time and all that.. so if you ever need to you can FM me and talk to me about it.

Good Luck with everything you decide to do!

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Posted by kat124

As someone who's had her share of daddy issues I advice you to prep yourself and dont expect anything from him. If you decide this is a road you want to explore, expect nothing, go in with no preconceived notions of who he is or what he did. This way if he lets you down you wont be too sad, but if it works out even better.

Good luck.

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explore is the perfect word. just take it slow and see where it goes. my advice would be to try to be open, but follow your instincts. at least you can sorta keep him at arm's length while you sort the whole thing out because he's all the way in argentina. you never know. it could turn out to be a great thing down the road.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and I am really going to think about this and have a talk with FH to get my feelings out. I should really hate him but some part of me wants to know and love him and know him.

I think I need to see a therapist cause there is more to the story that I dont want to divulge....