Just have to vent, Does anyone else come across this? He said yesterday 'Wedding, wedding, wedding...it's ALL we talk about!' I understand it's a bit overwhelming, but our wedding is 4 months away for crying out loud. Also, he SAYS he doesn't care about details but then proceeds to say, no to silk flowers, no to chocolate favors etc., He went out with his brother (best man) last night just to get away from the Wedding BS. I feel like pulling my hair out!!! But, my FMIL is great, my sis and mom are good with all the planning stuff, I'm not too worried, but does anyone esle have a FH that feels this way???
NYCHICK
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
Well I think your FH sounds a bit more to the extreme, it is his wedding also and he should be a more positive participant but it is not completely strange men are just wired differently about these things.
MeladoriDawn
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
Honestly, my FH and I are at the exact same point. I've been making appts to see places every week and he's been stressed about it.
At first, he was like, I bought the ring - I'm done - you do the rest. Then I told my story to his sister/mom at a family get together and they all ganged up on him to cut it out. Then he was fine and we got stuff done. But since we've had trouble finding a place that has a nice ceremony chapel in it, it's taking a long time. He has suddenly stopped again and honestly it's putting a lot of pressure on the relationship - almost making it not worth it.
So this week I tried something different, instead making it an ongoing conversation. We looked ONE DAY over the weekend ( I make all the appts.) then I didn't mention anything again until Wed. when I said what day this weekend will work for you. He named one and then I went off and made appts on my own, not mentioning anything again til today. I made the appts. Sat. 11, 12, 1pm and hopefully we'll breeze through those, talk and maybe find something.
But yeah guys don't want to hear it every day. I'd say I don't want to hear about it about once a week, but other than that I am on a mission to get this out of the way.
I hope things get better for you. It's really unromantic to be working so hard on making this perfect and then having him shoo you away.
divabride
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
Same here. I do all the legwork on everything. I narrow everything down to 2 or 3 choices that I like, and then I present them to FH. Other stuff like flowers, and centerpieces I dont even bother mentioning them to him because I know he wont give two hoots about it. Dont stress hon, it's not worth it. Just take your mom or you MOH to the initial appointment and take your FH to the final appointment. I find that my MOH asks more questions than my FI did!!! Good luck!!
queenlizard
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
Ditto, I guess I have to remember that some, (not all) guys do not like this stuff. I think it's stressful for us chicks too, we just go on chats and talk with our friends. Guys don't really do that. I'm just glad I'm not the on;y one with these issues
MegLehner
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
My FH could care less. Hes usually nice about it and he humors me, but he knows I will always do what I want anyway (when it comes to the wedding). Therefore, I say dont stress about. I go on appointments w/ my mom and friends. The only thing he planned was the HM & his tuxes.
MCDO15
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
these guys are missing out... i love planning this wedding. it's the most fun i had in a while. escpically with the favors (DIY favor)....
they will miss out and it's too bad. this should be a happy time and once the wedding day comes, you see how the hard work pays off. he came all this way, he needs to finish
nov04LIbride
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
I think there is something genetically different between men and women concerning all this planning stuff. I want to look at 10 photographers to make SURE I am getting the best--for him if the first is OK he is more than willing to sign right then. He didn't understand how I had to see every wedding dress on LI (and surrounding areas) to be SURE that NONE were better on me than the one I chose. This may just be differences in our personalities, but I do like others have done and narrow it down to one or two options for everything, then ask his opinion (though if it differs from mine I will still go with mine... ). The honeymoon is the problem for us now--I keep changing my mind after hearing more about each place, and he wishes we had booked the first place to be done with it. Bottom line, he would rather be playing poker or fantasy baseball than looking at bouquets or possible photographers, which is fine by me because he isn't too helpful when he is there.
Kriss2c
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
With a few exceptions, men don't realize the extent of what goes into a wedding.
In my FH's case I think he his mindset is something like.... OK, I popped the question.. she said yes... what more is there.
I'm right there with ya.
akanini
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
Posted by MegLehner
My FH could care less. Hes usually nice about it and he humors me, but he knows I will always do what I want anyway (when it comes to the wedding). Therefore, I say dont stress about. I go on appointments w/ my mom and friends. The only thing he planned was the HM & his tuxes.
Same here and I'm cool with that.
violet
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
Mine doesn't want to help plan either. He complains when he has to come with me somewhere to check a place out. Oh, but when it comes to the guest list, all of a sudden he's all interested? It's annoying, but what can you do?
jfabbride
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
My FH is pretty good about certain things but not others....He didn't feel we needed to 'waste' money on flowers!!!!!!! HA!!!!
j_dancer_44
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
I am a male and I like to do the planning. I'm only getting married once in my life and I want it to be the best day of my fiance's life. I want to have a say in everything cause it isn't just her day, it is our day. I prob do more of the planning than she does. (She's gonna kill me for saying that). I enjoy planning our wedding together, it makes us happy.
FLaCaTaCa
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
My FH, as JLo said in 'The wedding planner'...NID, Not Into Details. He is just a detail. He wants to get hitched and drink up and go on our HM. That's it.
divabride
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Posted by j_dancer_44
I am a male and I like to do the planning. I'm only getting married once in my life and I want it to be the best day of my fiance's life. I want to have a say in everything cause it isn't just her day, it is our day. I prob do more of the planning than she does. (She's gonna kill me for saying that). I enjoy planning our wedding together, it makes us happy.
Ummmm.......do you think you can take all our grooms out for beers and explain this concept to them? Us brides would greatly appreciate it!!!!!
FLaCaTaCa
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
Posted by divabride
Posted by j_dancer_44
I am a male and I like to do the planning. I'm only getting married once in my life and I want it to be the best day of my fiance's life. I want to have a say in everything cause it isn't just her day, it is our day. I prob do more of the planning than she does. (She's gonna kill me for saying that). I enjoy planning our wedding together, it makes us happy.
Ummmm.......do you think you can take all our grooms out for beers and explain this concept to them? Us brides would greatly appreciate it!!!!!
I will even pay for a round if you train them!!!!!!
MCDO15
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
Posted by j_dancer_44
I am a male and I like to do the planning. I'm only getting married once in my life and I want it to be the best day of my fiance's life. I want to have a say in everything cause it isn't just her day, it is our day. I prob do more of the planning than she does. (She's gonna kill me for saying that). I enjoy planning our wedding together, it makes us happy.
my thoughts are the same with j dancer
guys like me and j dance and whom ever else (octgroom, mr. hostialty - w/e happen to him)
don't get enough credit. FW feels bad cause she thinks i do more work then her cause i'm on LIWeddings all the time
NYCHICK
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
Posted by MCDO15
my thoughts are the same with j dancer
guys like me and j dance and whom ever else (octgroom, mr. hostialty - w/e happen to him)
don't get enough credit. FW feels bad cause she thinks i do more work then her cause i'm on LIWeddings all the time
you get no credt for planning your own wedding........you are doing what you are SUPPOSED to be doing
MCDO15
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Re: MY FH WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH PLANNING
Posted by NYCHICK
Posted by MCDO15
my thoughts are the same with j dancer
guys like me and j dance and whom ever else (octgroom, mr. hostialty - w/e happen to him)
don't get enough credit. FW feels bad cause she thinks i do more work then her cause i'm on LIWeddings all the time
you get no credt for planning your own wedding........you are doing what you are SUPPOSED to be doing
lol i mean, it always looks like it's all about the bride..blah blah blah everything that comes in the mail ..DEAR BRIDE... come visit us......
WHAT ABOUT ME! lol
i enjoy this and i know the more work i put into it...i'll be reward with a lifetime of happiness with my FW. i like to add things to converstations here and share my experiences.
NYCChick...my updated vedio is almost done you have to check it out
I am just in the early stages of planning right now so the planning for him isnt played out yet. I hope it never does but I wouldnt be surprised if he gets fed up with wedding talk after a while. Right now though he is great! He wants to be involved in every aspect of planning and while we are at the vendors, he acts nonchalant (sp?), we get home and he gets all into it.
