Brides Helping Brides ™ - My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

latinanyc Posted: Dec 15, 2009 01:52 PM

My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

Hi Everyone,

I need your advice. I selected my only sister to be my Matron of Honor and now she is pregnant. (We are just two siblings) My wedding is June 5, 2010 and her due date is June 7th. But the doctor want to do a C-section the last week in May. She will be having the surgery and have given birth about 5 days when my wedding day comes along.

Now, I'm not sure what to do. I don't really have someone I'm that close to take her place. I could use my cousin who is already in the wedding party and then I would have to choose another bridesmaid. But I've also exhausted my friends who I'd feel comfortable with being my bridesmaid. There are 6 bridesmaids all together.

Another option I was thinking is having my mother step in for my sister. But my fiance thinks my mother already has a role as Mother of the Bride and I should probably have someone else be Matron of Honor that is more my age.

We are taking pictures at Old Westbury Gardens after the ceremony and I don't know who to pair up the Best Man with. Doesn't he usually get paired off with the MOH. I'm actually very close to my mother and wouldn't mind if she were to step in for my sister as the Matron of Honor in absentia. But not sure if that would look good.

And what do I do about writing my sisters name in the church program and when we make the introduction announcements at the reception. Should I announce that she just had a baby and that is the reason why she can't be with us and still keep her as my Matron of Honor in name but she just won't be present.

My sister is probably going to be sore after the surgery to walk down the isle of the church (which is Ozone Park,Queens) or even ride in a limo to attend the reception which is in Woodbury at the Crest Hollow Country Club.

I don't want to hurt my sister's feelings by making someone else my Matron of Honor though but I would like it if everyone was to be paired up.

What are your thoughts?

AngnShaun Posted: Dec 15, 2009 01:55 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

Yeah... she is definitely going to be sore for a few days especially after a section... but she will be able to walk... I would discuss it with her before you do anything... maybe come up with a Plan B incase she is not up for it at the time... do have a maid of honor and a matron of honor... or just the matron?

Im getting Married Posted: Dec 15, 2009 01:58 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

You should speak to her because she may still even be in the hospital. I was able to walk after mine but everyone is different...a woman at my job couldn't really move around for about 2 weeks

The best thing is to speak to your sister and ask what she would like to do

MrsDR2010 Posted: Dec 15, 2009 02:11 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

You have to stay in the hospital 3 days before they let you out for a c-section. Usually you are walking ok but day 5 but you don't want her to feel any pain when she is going up and pretty much as to bend over. I think its way too close but talk to her and her doctor and see what they think.

snoozyandboo Posted: Dec 15, 2009 02:13 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

I'm a little confused. Why do you need to add another bridesmaid? You don't have to have an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. You also don't have to have a maid of honor. The best man could simply walk up and down by himself. You can also pair one groomsman with two bridesmaids.

If your sister can't walk, could you rent a wheelchair for her to use, even if she just comes for the ceremony and misses the reception?

Wedding conventions are guidelines, not rules. In the end, you have to do what makes you happy. Talk to your sister about her wants and make a decision together. She may be embarrassed if you make an announcement or she may be happy to announce her baby at such an important event.

Debrian2009 Posted: Dec 15, 2009 02:14 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

I would definitely talk to your sister and see what she thinks about the situation.

As for your mom being your matron of honor, that's a great idea. My friend had her mom as her MOH and it was great. It didn't look funny or anything. And if you are that close to your mom and your sister decides it's too much for her, you have a great stand-in!

M_Berk-Glenn Posted: Dec 15, 2009 02:42 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

I think your mom being your MOH is fine!

Talk to your sister so she can decide what she would like. You can include her in the program & make a note that shes given birth.

rdubs Posted: Dec 15, 2009 02:45 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

Definitely speak to her first but not having a MOH (or having a MOH that is there in spirit because she gave birth) is not a huge deal.

A good friend had two best men and one maid of honor--there was no 'pairing' for pictures and it was fine.

queensbride2010 Posted: Dec 15, 2009 02:46 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

You could make someone else the MOH and then have an uneven number of bridesmaids. Or you could have two MOH in the program and then have your sister decide whether she is up for it, but a week after a C-Section, she may not be.

Golden Posted: Dec 15, 2009 02:50 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

I don't think that your sister will be upset at all. in fact, she's probably worried that you're worried. I would personally say have you cousin fill in for you as Maid of Honor and then have another acquaintance stand as a bridesmaid but also remember that there is no hard a fast rule that you MUST have the same amount of groomsmen as BMs so you could have your cousin stand and then forget adding someone else

OR you could have your mom stand as your MOH and just not take any awkward pics if you think they will look awkaward. At the end of the day you have to do what make YOU most happy and most comfortble.

Also, you can still announce your sister in her absence and also list her in the program as your honorary MOH or something to that effect.

miamimerger Posted: Dec 15, 2009 03:02 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

ask your sister what she is comfortable doing--that way she feels included in the conversation :).

MLAngelo Posted: Dec 15, 2009 03:58 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

I would leave it up to her, but I think its going to be a bit much and there is a good chance you will be without an MOH. I would at least promote someone to a co-MOH so that if she can't be there you have someone to step up on the day.

Personally I don't like when people have their mom's as a BM. It looks strange and really she has a role as MOB and thats where she should be. Its an honor in itself.

I think your better off with uneven sides then having your mom step in.

Future Mrs P Posted: Dec 15, 2009 04:02 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

I would definitely discuss this with her first. She might really want to be a part of it and do what she can. If she thinks it will be too much then you can decide from there.

KerriJohnS Posted: Dec 15, 2009 04:05 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

I think you should wait it out and just have a backup plan. There is no need to add another bridesmaid... i think you can have an uneven bridal party and it's just fine.

Really all you need is someone to stand up there with you and sign the certificate and any bridesmaid or mother could do that for you.

If you sister did work on a shower or bachlorette party or anything else like that then I don't think her title should be stripped due to her not being able to attend .... for the programs I do like the idea of noting that she had a baby and that's why she isn't present.

I think you should also talk to your sister to see how she feels about it all and what she thinks. How far away is your wedding? Maybe she would feel better by stepping down... maybe she won't.... but you won't know that unless you talk to her.

I do think the mother has an important role as being the mother of the bride... but if you are that close to her and want to make her the stand in, then I say go for it! It's your wedding and ANYTHIGN goes. Do as you wish.

MJDoc12 Posted: Dec 15, 2009 04:05 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

Forget about how things will 'look'.

I say if your sister can't attend and be your MOH and you are very close with your mom---use her as your 'MOH absentia'.

Ignore the ideas of keeping symmetry, its really not that important in the long run, trust me. I had an uneven BP -- and I don't look at my pics thinking 'oh we're not all even!' Instead I think 'I'm so happy I had only those who are important to me as those who stood up for DH and I when we were married.'

Don't worry about pairing off for pics -- just don't do any pics of just the best man and MOH if you feel weird. Keep it just BP shots---and then shots with just your BMs and his GMs. There are so many more other pics that can happen that won't make a difference if you don't have the BM & MOH paired off.

I say you should talk to your mom and sister and make the decision together. I would tell your FH that this is something that the three of you are gonna figure out -- and you hope he respects your decision, because your mom can be both the MOB and MOH if necessary

little j Posted: Dec 15, 2009 04:26 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

Posted by MJDoc12

Forget about how things will 'look'.

I say if your sister can't attend and be your MOH and you are very close with your mom---use her as your 'MOH absentia'.

Ignore the ideas of keeping symmetry, its really not that important in the long run, trust me. I had an uneven BP -- and I don't look at my pics thinking 'oh we're not all even!' Instead I think 'I'm so happy I had only those who are important to me as those who stood up for DH and I when we were married.'

Don't worry about pairing off for pics -- just don't do any pics of just the best man and MOH if you feel weird. Keep it just BP shots---and then shots with just your BMs and his GMs. There are so many more other pics that can happen that won't make a difference if you don't have the BM & MOH paired off.

I say you should talk to your mom and sister and make the decision together. I would tell your FH that this is something that the three of you are gonna figure out -- and you hope he respects your decision, because your mom can be both the MOB and MOH if necessary

i agree

MirabellaNYC Posted: Dec 15, 2009 05:37 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

I would find out from her what SHE wants to do..

one of my closest friends was supposed to be in my BP and found out that she was pregnant and due the day before the wedding.

We decided together that being in a BP would be WAYYY TOO MUCH for a pregnant lady (since it's a 12 hour + day), but that she would come to the wedding anyway.

Wouldn't you know she got put on bed rest 10 days before our wedding, and couldn't come.

Have a talk with your sister and see what she wants to do.

You have to figure, even if she delivers early, there's no way she can be there.

My friend was totally like 'Sure we'll be there!' and then her final month of pregnancy she felt like total garbage.

Good luck! Don't worry about even BP numbers. Your day will look beautiful no matter what.

latinanyc Posted: Dec 16, 2009 02:53 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

Thanks everyone for your time and advice. I spoke to my sister and she wants to be my MOH and walk down the aisle at the ceremony. She seems to feel she can at least make it to the ceremony. But if the day comes and she cannot, I'm thinking the back up plan may just be my Mom standing in for her. I'm just sorry she won't be in the photos at Old Westbury Gardens and she won't be able to make the reception. It will be a long day for her and she needs to be with the baby. She'll be breastfeeding every two hours. Now the question is where to find a dress for her and how we know what size she is going to be after she gives birth to my new nephew or niece. I'm very excited to have another little one around.

Panamasweet Posted: Dec 16, 2009 04:35 PM

Re: My MOH is pregnant and is due 1 week before my wedding

I would talk to your sister first. I had 2 cestions and I was able to walk around a few days later. They do keep you in the hospital 3-4 days after delivery but you also have to think that she may not want to leave her new born with anyone. I would think that she could be at the ceremony and take pictures but she may not feel like partying at the reception and skip that.