We are having the RD the night before the wedding because the BP is from OOT. My FIL’s are hosting it. My parents are divorced and I have no contact with my dad.
My mother hasn’t responded and when I called her, she said she didn’t want to drive to LI from Manhattan. My mother is old and doesn’t like to drive at night, so I offered to pay for car service to bring her to LI for the RD but she said she still no.
I kept probing her and she finally said that FI’s family made some nasty comments to her at my shower and she doesn’t want to be around them. She said she would of course come to the wedding, but she doesn’t want to be around FI’s family esp at the RD. She really likes my FI but she does not like his family.
I am Puerto Rican and FI’s family is Irish and they have made a bunch of racist comments to me. They are very close minded and I just ignore them. FI was going to talk to them before the wedding, but I didn’t want bring this up.
My mom doesn’t want to cause any drama, but she doesn’t want to be around them, because she will tell them off.
I know FI’s family is going to say something nasty if my mom isn’t there.
I am upset and I don’t know what to do, this is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life and now I have to deal with such issues.
qdavis
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
Oh no!!!
I don't know what to say honey......but I can give you a
i102bcute
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
I'm sorry..that su*ks!!
NY031978
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
awwww i know how you feel! Im Italian/Mutt lol and my FI is PR....ppl in my family have made comments as well and to be honest before we got engaged i laid it all on the table! I wasnt going to spend my life letting ppl joke around about what Alex was. I mean fine make lil comments my FI doesnt care he just goes right back at them..thats how its always been but sometimes it can hit home so i made it clear this is how it will be. Honestly some ppl didnt even realize this is how we felt bc we never opened our mouth, Maybe getting your FI to talk to his family will be a good stepping stone. Than have him say my own FI mother doesnt wanna be there for our RD! I mean come on....that isnt fair at all! You should have the ppl you love there on that day as well, his family needs to see that!
Mrs_C_in_'07
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
My mom is very hesitant to be involved with anything wedding related as well. Not because of issues with FH family, but other stuff that I will not bore you with. I don't know how to handle it either. I'm hoping she just comes around. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, but just know that I truly know how you feel and empathize with your situation. I sincerely hope all works out for you!
The thing that keeps me going is that I try to remember that when it comes down to it, it's about me and FH and NO BODY else!!!! I know that is so much easier said than done, but sometimes it helps me when I force myself to think like that.
mrsh2b
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
That really stinks. I hope that it all works out for you.
October Bliss
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
Frankly, I would make sure FH said something. There is no way on this earth I would accept it if my FH's family made racist remarks to me about being hispanic. My BIL is Irish, and he made the mistake of making a racist remark to my mother - it was the first and last time he ever did so because she put him in his place. No one has the right to talk down to another person, and just because you are marrying into the family doesn't mean you should let them get away with it.
camerakrazie
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
omg.....how can people be so cruel? you are going to be marrying their son and I can't believe they have made such rude comments to you and your mother....
I really dont blame her for not wanting to come but I would tell her that you really want her there and really would love her support....Tell her that you love her and that it would mean so much if she would come..
Im so sorry to hear about this. hope everything works out
Summer101
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
That is horrible!! I think your FH should say something and then maybe they would apologize to your mom so she would want to come!! I hope it works out for you!!
2006julybride
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
Thank you so much for your responses.
I had always ignored their comments because I didn't want them to bother me, but when it affects my mom, then it bothers me.
FI did talk to his parents, they said they are just joking and didn't realize that we would take their 'jokes' so seriously. They apologized to me and they want to apologize to my mom, but she doesn't want to speak to them.
My mom still does not want to go to the RD because she is upset with them.
sr081906
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
Posted by October Bliss
Frankly, I would make sure FH said something. There is no way on this earth I would accept it if my FH's family made racist remarks to me about being hispanic. My BIL is Irish, and he made the mistake of making a racist remark to my mother - it was the first and last time he ever did so because she put him in his place. No one has the right to talk down to another person, and just because you are marrying into the family doesn't mean you should let them get away with it.
Very well said!
It is not right to just 'put up with it'. It's harassement, mean and demeaning.
Someone got to put their feet down. This is not going to stop at the wedding.
So what happen when you get kids, shower, birthday, holidays...?
Your mom cannot be deprived of those moments because of your FILs. She has every right to be there just like them.
It needs to be address NOW.
rachel212
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
Wow that's horrible. I'm so sorry!! I can't even imagine. I don't blame your mom, but that's just horrible that at YOUR RD for YOUR wedding, your mom is not going to feel comfortable. I would probably want my mom there and make them apologize to her. That's just a horrible way for them to behave though. I'm so sorry!
patticakes
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
I'm so sorry you have this frustrating situation. I can offer you some
BrideChrissy
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Re: My mom doesn’t want to come to the RD (long)
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I don't even know what to say... maybe she will change her mind and come. I hope so but if not as long as she is there for your wedding!
