My Mom is making me crazy... SO LONG

To start off with, I am having the worst day ever. I feel really sick. My tire on my car blew and I had to pay $150 for a new one. My clients are exceptionally annoying today. MY FI had a big tiff because i do not want freaking x-mas stuff stuffed down my throat. I am jewish and I THought we agreed that we would limit all x-mas stuff to one room in the apartment and I even bought him all this stuff for the tree to show my support. Also we are hosting x-mas eve for his family and I am reallly stressing.

Ok my mom.... I WANT A SMALL WEDDING. I am not inviting many of my extended friends... just close friends. Although he has MANY MANY friends, he is also limiting his list. My mom IS NOT limiting her list. She is inviting a whopping 50% of allllll the guests at the wedding. She has to invite EVERYONE she knows, EVERYONE whose kids have invited her to their parties. I really don't care how many invitations she has gotten, the point is I WANT a SMALL QUAINT wedding. I am uncomfortable in big crowds... and I chose a venue for a small party which means now everyone will be crammed and it will look cheapish. Lastly, yes she has offered to pay. My parents have are not scraping for their last penny, they have all kinds of luxury items and my FI family does not have ANY money. While I do not love that they did not offer to contribute anything, I recognize they don't have much. I keep telling my mom that if she invites EVERYONE and Does not cut her list, that I am going to be in an awkward position because he is cutting his list and I don't want to feel like she is inviting more than he is. She starts SCREAMING at me because he is not paying at all and yada yada yada. I don't want to fight with him and she doesn't seem to comprehend how awkward I feel. and then on top of everything else, she starts screaming about how my brother in law's family contributed 10k to my sister's wedding. My FI's family is not in the same financial position. This is a nightmare. I wish I had eloped. I wish this was all over. I hate this I hate this I hate this. This guest list has caused fights and it seems in is more important for my mom to force her financial power on me and it is more important that she invite her d@mn Mah Jong friends then that I am happy. I wish I had never started with all this stressful and agonizing wedding planning. I am just plain sick of it right now.

Sorry I am just soo mad and sooo tired of constantly hearing about how SHE is paying for the wedding and SHe can invite whoever she pleases. Now my wedding is going to be 80% people over 50 and if I add to my list we will have to pony up all the money and we just don't have it! I am miserable.

Deep breaths.

I know what you mean about Christmas being shoved down your throat. All I can do is offer sympathy and solidarity there.

As to your Mom, wait a day or two for things to calm down, and then remind her how uncomfortable you are in big crowds. Have a nice, quiet, rational conversation with her. Don't make it about money. Make it about your comfort level. And don't forget, her Mah Jongg friends may not even show up, which will then turn her ire upon them instead of you.

i am sorry
Can you elope? Have a very intimate ceremony and reception...

awww....

And my FI seems to think he should invite all his friends with guest even if they are not involved!!!! I said no... it is a SMALL wedding and I am NOT paying $130 pp for people I Have never met!!!!
Oh, also... did I say that my dumb FI is insisting on inviting this friend that he barely keeps in touch with... that I dated... and that MARRIED his only serious girlfriend... that means the only person he ever loved other than me will be at my wedding!!!!!
I wish I had never gotten into this mess. And when my mom finds out that we will probably have TWO officiants... I think she is going to totally lose it!

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I hope that at some point in the near future your mother will realize that what she's paying for is YOUR wedding.

I understand both how you are feeling about christmas being shoved down your throat and how you are uncomfratable in large groups. I get severe anxiety in big crowds and it's hard for others who don't get like that to understand. You do need to sit her down and tell her what it's like. Also let her know that you understand that she wants eveyone in the world to see her daughter get married but that is not what you want. Let her know that you really do appreciate all that she is doing for you but that it's supposed to be the day of your dreams not hers. Let her know all of your feelings and how she is making feel torn and that it's not fair. If you do this in a non-aggresive way just you and her talking she may think and understand. I think every mother of the bride wants the whole world to see the happiest day of the daughters life and they want to be able to say they did it but what they don't understand sometimes is that their view of the happiest day isn't yours. I hope this kinda helps and I hope I didn't sound like a run on sentence I just understand how you feel and watched a friend go through the same thing.

Lots of 's.
Hang in there.

Unfortunately, when someone else is paying for your wedding, they do have a say.

I am so sorry you are going though this. maybe you can talk about this with when things have calmed down a bit?

I think we are related.