my mom is way too nice

yesterday I was talking to my mom about NWR topics and we got on the money issue. my mom mentioned how they are saving and need every shift at work cause the tkts for the 3 of them will be $$$ and plus the gifts that she needs to get her family over here and to her new inlaws. at this point I snapped! FMIL promised one sum and then some extra and now is giving less than half of that (if she ever gives ) while my parents contributed half of the entire wedding budget and paying for the flight tkts here and they are gonna get her a gift???? WHAT????
I come from a working class family and FH really is not, if u understand what I mean. FMIL is giving a quarter of what my parents are giving - a freaking quarter!
I pointed this out to my mom but she still insisted on getting something due to feeling bad coming into someone's house empty handed. I made her promise that she will only get a bottle of champagne/wine that would be used to toast to meeting everyone for the 1st time and the kids wedding. she said ok.
I know her, she will end up getting something and the FMIL will not appreciate which will make me and FH especially more mad with this situation (he is already mad enough to refuse do the mother-son dance)


I thought I was over this issue but I guess I'm not

this sounds like my mom!!! she would do the same exact thing lol

it is really crappy that fmil said one thing and is doing another but i wouldnt think theres much you yourself can do about it, maybe your fh can talk to her but otherwise i would leave it be. I know how you feel, my mother is working like nuts trying to give me the wedding of my dreams and there are some tensions from 'the other side' lol. But your mom will be your mom shes gonna do what she thinks is right and yes she'll prob spend way more than you ask her too on the gift for fmil, and will pay for everything because your her daughter and she doesnt want to stress you out and wants everything to be perfect for you. Im telling you we have the same mom hahahaa, just keep telling her not to go crazy on gifts and expenses and everything

thanks. that is exactly the situation
very unfortunate that there are more ppl out there with this problem.
and FH spoke to her, didnt help. they dont have a warm close relationships like me and my parents. thus the not wanting to do the dance with her. he is actually more upset than me.

ugh!

As you know, I'm very lucky in that my FIL's are very generous. But my mom is way too nice of a person. Just in general. She lets people walk all over her. I try to tell her to start standing up for herself, but she doesn't.

But I agree, just have your mother bring a bottle of win e or champagne and call it a day.

oh ive been in your situation b4 wayyyyyyyyyy tooo often with my mom with waaaayy too many ppl.

bestthing u can tell her . 'do not go crazy with gifts, u will regret it. u will look back at the end of the day and feel horrible! its not worth it'

that usually does the trick, and she thanked me the last few times for talking her out of going overboard with her generosity

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Posted by grkbarbie

oh ive been in your situation b4 wayyyyyyyyyy tooo often with my mom with waaaayy too many ppl.

bestthing u can tell her . 'do not go crazy with gifts, u will regret it. u will look back at the end of the day and feel horrible! its not worth it'

that usually does the trick, and she thanked me the last few times for talking her out of going overboard with her generosity

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thats exactly what I said to her. she doesnt care, said that she cares about her own behavior and her understanding whats right. I see her point as I am the same way, but in this case its totally undeserved by the other side.

what upsets me is that when looking how well off my parents are (they are so not, not even close) and FMIL is, the #'s are totally dont add up
I shouldnt be so material but I love my parents and sad to see them kill themselves trying to give me and FH everything while FMIL really doesnt do anything financially


thanks guys!

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Posted by grkbarbie

maybe his parents are going to give u a big fa checkkk instead of contributing for the wedding? maybe they would much rather u have the money for yourselves instead of spending it to entertain guests . u never know sweety...

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his father has passed away 9 yrs ago so its only his mom. and no she's not planning on it. far from it. she says she doesnt have a cash flow.
honestly its not the money its what stands behind it. I dont care about money or what they give, its only when comparing where the 2 sides live what they do for a living that gets me and FH a bit upset.
FMIL has never been there for him when he needed her support and I guess he expected her to help him with the wedding, but all her promises amounted to nothing. he is beyond upset, as I mentioned doesnt want to dance with her and at some point out of anger told me he is gonna disinvite her He'll never do it but still that was how upset he was.