MY MOMS DRIVING ME NUTS !! long. sorry

Okay time to vent:

She's away in europe on vacation for a while and called me just now at work to annouce that she is NOT COMMING TO MY WEDDING! Is she effing nuts!?????????! This is my wedding for gods sakes.

So my grandma gets on the phone to explain that my mom told her that she saw a bill from the recepetion hall on the dinning room table of my house. (OK rule 1 one stop reading my mail) And is upset that FH and I are spending so much money on the wedding and we dont help support her day to day needs. We are selfish because we know shes struggling to make ends meet and yet we are throwing away thousands of dollars that could be better spent.

#1 What i spend on the wedding is my business! When i told my mom i was engaged she didnt say congrats. Oh no she said 'Oh i hope you guys know that i dont have any money!!!! and i am not refinancing the house' I didnt even ask her for anything yet, i didnt even plan to because i know her situation.

#2 My mom has been retired for some time now (shes a breast cancer survivor but never returned to work) if things are so tight can you tell me how she can afford to go to Europe for 3 months on vacation? Shes staying with my family but i heard shes been shopping like everyday.

Now hear me out... I buy my mom groceries every week, i drive her around to run her errands like im a car service company all times of the day and night. I've even payed her gas bill for the past 6 months and any one who owns a home knows how high those bills get in the winter. ANd ive been sneaking the money away from our personal savings to pay the darn bill because if FH knew i was doing that he would get upset with me.

I do everything i can for her outside of making her an authorized user on my debit/credit card accounts. which would be unheard of!!!
She must think that FH and i work to give ber a shopping stipend!

How can my own mother be so selfish and unsupportive?????? Even my FH's mother has been more involved in the planning, and she doesnt work either so hasn't chipped in a dime but understands how important this is for the both of us.

My mom acts like she doesnt care. Im so hurt and upset, i can not even find the words.

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Posted by kimandvin

WOW>> that's rough. I think you need to be honest with her and tell her exactly what you just told everyone on here.. Stress not needed at this time HUH

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I totally agree. You should definitely tell her how you feel. It couldn't hurt!!

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Posted by kimandvin

WOW>> that's rough. I think you need to be honest with her and tell her exactly what you just told everyone on here.. Stress not needed at this time HUH

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I agree, honesty is the best, you totally don't need stress right now!

that is nuts. do you live at home? first things first, and i know you will, but i would get the hell out of your house. Sounds like she is really dependent on you, and she sounds selfish. it's none of her business what you are spending on your wedding since she's not contributing.
JMO.

first for you- sorry that you are dealing with this- second, I think everyone is right, you stated your point perfectly & I think its time she hears how you feel.

keep us posted & fm if you need anything

i think you need to be completly honest...tell her everything...she might just be stressed and scared to about losing you...

My mom and I have been arguing about little things and I think it is related to me moving out and she is losing me....

wow.. i hope everything works out for you!! i agree with the girls.. be honest but also be a nice about it.. after all she is your mom..

Wow I'm sorry this is happening to you. I've had similar issues with my mother through the years and I know how it feels to be responsible for a parent. You are entitled to spend whatever you want on your wedding, its your special day. I think it may be time to let mom take care of herself. Not being honest to FH about taking money out of the savings account is not a great way to start a marriage. We're all here for you :

So sorry to hear what you are going through....Here's several for you. Hope everything works for the best!

Wow, she sounds incredibly selfish and takes you for granted. No real advice, just some that it all works out.

im sorry - but it sounds like your Mom is taking advantage of you - there is nothing wrong with you helping her out but it sounds like a line has been crossed......why do you have to drive her everywhere? she cant take PT? or walk? why do you buy her groceries? she cant go to the store herself? it sounds like you are enabling her to continue this behavior....is there a good reason she doesnt have a job? did she ever think of selling her home and renting an apartment so she can afford her own bills so that she isnt costing you money? i think its horrible that after all you are doing for her she has the nerve to be angry about how much you are spending on your wedding - its YOUR wedding.....ugh i feel so sad for you.....i think you should tell her how you feel - you really are a wonderful daughter, this might sound evil but there is no way id be doing that stuff for my mom or dad unless they became sick, or disabled....yeah id help them out but i wouldnt let myself become responsible for them......

im sorry!!!

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Posted by Future Mulligan

im sorry - but it sounds like your Mom is taking advantage of you - there is nothing wrong with you helping her out but it sounds like a line has been crossed......why do you have to drive her everywhere? she cant take PT? or walk? why do you buy her groceries? she cant go to the store herself? it sounds like you are enabling her to continue this behavior....is there a good reason she doesnt have a job? did she ever think of selling her home and renting an apartment so she can afford her own bills so that she isnt costing you money? i think its horrible that after all you are doing for her she has the nerve to be angry about how much you are spending on your wedding - its YOUR wedding.....ugh i feel so sad for you.....i think you should tell her how you feel - you really are a wonderful daughter, this might sound evil but there is no way id be doing that stuff for my mom or dad unless they became sick, or disabled....yeah id help them out but i wouldnt let myself become responsible for them......

im sorry!!!

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You stated it perfectly.

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Posted by snwb08

that is nuts. do you live at home? first things first, and i know you will, but i would get the hell out of your house. Sounds like she is really dependent on you, and she sounds selfish. it's none of her business what you are spending on your wedding since she's not contributing.
JMO.

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No we don't live at home she was just visiting and must have been snooping through my stuff

My mom has always had this whole the world revoles around me complex, part of the reason she and my dad are seperated but thats a different story.

The problem is i should have seen this comming, and not let it get to me because the more it seems to hurt me the harder she plunges the 'guilt trip' knife. If she comes she comes if she doesnt whatever. Im an adult as is she and we all need to just make our own decsions. I'm not about to let her ruin the BEST day of my life.

I work hard for my money and im entiled to spend it however i want. Whats worse is when i first became engagded FH didn't get me a ring. at the time we wanted a house so bad that it wasnt a priority. Ever since last summer when I finally did get the ring after the closing and stuff she's been 'hating' like im getting rich and leaving her in the dust. Which is so untrue! Im far from rich but i save well and plan to a very nice wedding whether she likes it or not

seriously this is ill. I would have expected something like this from my mother......

no words I can say can easy the worry in your heart. I can only pray for you and hope that no matter what happens, your wedding is the more joyous than you had hoped!

good luck