My mom's issue with my invites...long...

Last night, I finalized the guest list with my mom. We decided that I would not include the majority of my Dad's family because he and I haven't spoken since July. And, they accepted the invite to my sister's wedding, but only went to the church ceremony. We also left off my stepmother's family becuase my Dad doesn't like them...even though they've been great to me over the years & came to my engagement party.

When I first got engaged, my mom gave me a lump sum of money- and said that she preferred we use it for a home. She also picked up the tab for some things here and there.

So, while I was ordering the invites, I called her to ask about the wording 'nuptual mass uniting' or just 'marriage of'. So, we agreed that we liked 'marriage of'. Then, while I'm with the invitation lady, my mom tells me that I should add back on some of the other family members because they are close relations and most have been great to me over the years. (Great, but there's been some family drama and I haven't spoken to any of them in a while). So, I tell my mom that I can't really talk about it because I'm ordering invites. She then asks why I didn't list the parent's names on the invites.

My mom and I have been discussing this for almost 2 years: I don't even know if my Dad will come to the wedding, so I am NOT putting his name on the invite. My fi and I are paying the bulk of the wedding expenses...blah blah blah. My fi and I prefer the wording, 'The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Susan and John...' NOT 'Together with their parents, Susan and John request the honor of your presence'

So, she calls back and we get into a SCREAMING match. She asks if she should even bother buying a dress. I tell her, 'well, not if you're going to act like THIS in the church...'

Then, an hour or so later, she has her close friend call me to ask about the wording 'Together with their parents' And, I say 'No- I Don't like that'.

So, now everyone is treating me like I'm horrible. And, my mom says that I am disrespectful because I won't include 'parents' in the invitation. And, how she paid for her own wedding and no one had to tell her to include her parents on the invitation. So, I tell her that she's disrespectful because she has no right to tell me how to word my invitation...

Any thoughts? :(

How about 'together with their families'? That way you are not singling out parents, just families.

Hopefully this is the worst arguement you and your mom have about the wedding

This is just one of those things we all go through at some point... you have your issues of why your right and so does she. but in the end its your day and like you said you are paying for most of it.. you do it the way YOU want. You are never going to make EVERYONE happy.. and if you try you will go crazy.
The only other thing I can think of.. you dont want to do ' along with our parents' and his parents name and just your mom?? I completly understand and am in the same situation with my dad.. just the thought it putting knots in my tummy

I think a point comes when you have to 'pick your battles'. I can honestly say that there are PLENTy of things that I would've liked 'my way' but I know how much certain things mean to my and my FH's parents and you just kind of have to roll with the punches. I know it's 'your day' but it's their day to a degree too. The little girl that they raised is getting married and I'm sure she wants it that way to show her support, not to offend/hurt you.

I would include your mom somehow in the invitation wording. She is helping pay for the wedding.

I didn't want to put anyone's names on the invites either, but after careful consideration, I resolved that it was the 'right' thing to do since they were helping out with the finances.

It wasn't worth hurting anyone's feelings over to me.

... pick your battles... how important is this to you?

do you like your fh's parents family? maybe together with your families..