My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
Original post by NovemberSue
My sister in law has gone too far! I was originally only inviting her cousin and her husband because we like them alot.Well, my SIL called my mom & said that her mom really loves me and wants to come too. Ok, so we added them on for her. Well, 2 nights ago I get a call from my brother saying that his wife doesn't know he's calling but to please invite her sister because it would make life easier for him & he doesn't want the sisters feuding.Fine, I said but no kids. Her sister cannot bring her son because no kids are coming except our immediate family.Now I find out that my SIL called my mom yesterday morning hysterically crying because her sister isn't invited and how could I do that to her. Mind you, I have never been invited to anything of theirs (wedding,parties,christenings) but thats ok,right! I never say a word. My mom doesn't want me to say anything & just pretend it didn't happen. I am furious. My SIL is a selfish B----! This is not her day and she's making it all about her. I will never look at her the same again.I can't believe she's causing such problems.
dgtlsunshine
Posted:
Member since
Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
I woudn't invite her. Before I got married I would probably have told you to invite her. But now after I am married I will tell you I wouldn't invite her. The people that were not important to you before the wedding should not be there on your day. All of a sudden everybody wants to be in on it when they hear wedding.
I learned my lesson, on your weddind day you want your best and important friends. People that have helped you along the way.
NovemberSue
Posted:
Member since
Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
Valencia: You are so off base with this. !st of all my SIL definately caused me,my FH, my mom & my brother unnecessary stress. 2nd:She is forcing me to invite her because she is crying hysterically to my mom and my brother to get her sister invited.3rd:She likes being the center of attention and since the spotlight is not on her, she is causing a problem.Now its all about her. Now theres peace because she's happy and everyone bent over backwords for her. Believe me, her sister could care less if she ever saw me again or if I dropped off the face of the earth.We never see each other anyway.And my brother is a great husband but he lets his wife get away with whatever she wants even when she's wrong. He should be able to rationalize with her,not just give in. Alot of people are upset because of her & he shouldn't have let it get so bad.
NovemberSue
Posted:
Member since
Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
I haven't said anything to my SIL. I'm just venting to you. I am very hurt to put it mildly and very insulted that she would create so much tension and involve the whole family. She should have just spoken to me & this never would have upset so many people. I didn't say anything to her or my brother. The only thing I said to my brother was,'fine, I'll invite them for you.' I only vented to my mom, my FH & you all because I can't believe she did all this. Its all been behind my back. My mom just appeased her and said that there is no problem,I'm inviting her sister. I lost a lot of respect for my SIL over this and my brother shouldn't have lied to me.Obviously he knows that she will give him grief if she doesn't have all of her family there. I guess I'm just a sucker. I fell for it just as she planned.
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
I will say that I agree with Val on a few points although I am not crazy at the way she presents her ideas- That you need to take control over your happiness and she cannot invite anyone with you sending the invite. You do not have to do this. Just call your SIL and tell her that you are inviting who is on your guest list...period. I do disagree with Val that she is so excited about your day. I mean, she is calling your mother crying over this. She wants her family to be there and act as if this is HER wedding. Well it isn't. And honestly your brother should have told her straight out that this is YOUR wedding, not hers and the guest list is NOT up to them. Period. He should always respect her feelings, but not allow them to spill over into your plans. She is throwing a fit to get her way. She knows that if she puts up a stink your mother will ask you to do this. Did she ask you? NO.
NovemberSue
Posted:
Member since
Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
My SIL got the whole family involved instead of talking to me.My mother wants me to just make her happy & invite them.My mom & brother are both afraid of the repircussions if she doesn't get her way. Both me and FH,even my brother don't care for the sister and her husband. Both me & FH were in agreement that we didn't want THEM on the list. I'm so upset,I feel like we are being forced to have these people we don't like at our wedding. They aren't horrible people but they're just not for us and I'd rather have more of our friends on the list if we could add-on. I really have bad feelings for my SIL now. And Michele, you hit it right on the nose:my brother should have set her straight & told her it is our wedding, not hers and the guest list is up to us! That Valencia is what I was upset over.Of course my brother should stand by his wife but not when it involves hurting his sister to appease his wife.That was my point. My brother is an excellent husband but he is willing to upset his sister by begging her to invite 2 people she really dislikes to please his wife so she doesn't make him miserable.Valencia, I hope you understand my point now.Its just a lot of frustration for me and maybe the words didn't come out the way I wanted but thats what happens sometimes when you are a little emotional about something.No offense taken.
Becky
Posted:
Member since
Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
Sue, it looks like you are in a Catch-22. You can allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed and resent your SIL, or you can stand your ground and create tension between your family and your SIL's family. You can't really win here, so do what makes you happy. Maybe you can draw the line at the sister you don't like and calmly explain to your SIL that you have already added a few of you relatives, but that you do not feel comforable adding on any other guests. Period. Let her cry and complain all she wants.
Once you take control of this situation, you will feel much better. Right now you are letting her control your guest list. If she wants her family to get together with yours, tell her to plan a cook out! You are starting to sound a little frantic at this point. Go call her and talk to her. However the conversation goes, I am sure you will feel better after you speak with her.
Good luck with this very difficult situation.
shamma
Posted:
Member since
Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
You are entitled!!!we will always listen, we are here for each other!! I understand your frustration. Emotional or not...you have every right to your feelings it is your wedding and no one should feel forced to add anyone, do anything b/c it makes another happy, especially when it makes the bride unhappy!! this I disagree with wholeheartedly.
Can I tell you there are some people from my hubby's side that did not care for me or I them and they came to the wedding and they were lost in the crowd of everyone loving me and wishing me well. In all the excitement you will not even notice her. Mark my words
aug9bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
I do agree with one thing that Valencia said, you are in control of your wedding. Just because she suggested or asked to invite her family does not mean that you have to. It is your decision and it is obvious that you don't want to invite them. So don't. If your SIL has the nerve to act this way then you should have the nerve to put her in her place. No one can make you invite them if you don't want to.
NovemberSue
Posted:
Member since
Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
Becky, you are so right! I don't know what I'm going to do yet but I'm leaning on NO INVITE for the sister. That is what the bride and groom would be happier with. I think our feelings matter most because its our wedding. I think my SIL should respect my feelings and stop putting herself before us. It is OUR DAY! Thank you everyone for all your advice. I appreciated everything and all the different views. That is what this website is about. I know this was a lengthy subject. Thank you so much for listening.
NovemberSue
Posted:
Member since
Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!
Shamma, I thought your words were so sweet. You are right. If they come, they will blend in and nobody will even know they are there. I can deal with 2 extra bodies. I just want to let SIL know that what her and my brother did was wrong. I am considering letting FH explain to my brother that they even though they are getting it THEIR WAY on OUR DAY, they both have made me VERY VERY UPSET. I want them to know what they did was WRONG.
