My sister's comments hurt - long (sorry)

My sister and I really don't have the best relationship. She's a lot older than me, and over the years we have just grown apart.

She is in the wedding party, but not the MOH. The BM dresses came in a few weeks ago, and she said she was going to make a appointment to get hers fitted. I said I would like to go with her as I have not seen the dress on her. At that point she said that I would see the dress on her at the wedding. I cut the conversation short (on the phone, so as not to get into a fight) and vented here and to my MOH.

Tonight I spoke to her again, and we spoke about her fitting. She said she is going next Tuesday at lunchtime. Once again, I said I would like to go with her, and see the dress on her....her response was 'well its not like you can change the dress if you don't like how it looks on me' - basically blowing me off again. I repeated that I would really like to see the dress and she said - well there'll be other fittings, and then went on to say that she has her shoes picked out, and she knows what length to get the dress altered to.

I told her that all the BM were meting this weekend to discuss the shoes, etc. and that she should wait until then. She said that the decision has been made to wear sandals and no stockings. I was never part of that decision.

Why is it that every time I speak to her about the wedding, she p!isses me off with a catty comment? Am I over - reacting? It really hurts me that my only sister has this affect on me.
Some of you might say its because I did not ask her to be the MOH, well I didn't becasue she generally has a tendancy to be overbearing.

thanks for listening - I am starting to feel the stress (only 9 weeks) left, and I just want to cry.

Helen,

JEALOUSY!
Is she single & jealous you are getting married? Also I think she is jealous you didn't ask her to be the MOH. Don't let her or the small stuff stress you. It's so not worth it!

Helen-
It might be the added stress of the wedding that is affecting you. But that would annoy me to. I think maybe that she is older she is not as excited as you want. Which would annoy me as well. I'm sure when she got married a big deal was made. I'm assuming this is the one that is divorced. That could be part of it. MAybe you can ask your Mam what the problem is. (that is if she talks to your Mam)
I would just give it a day or 2 then call her again. An just tell her. Listen I really want to go wih you . I want to make sure the dress is right & I want to see it on you. Tell her you can do lunch & make a day of it. I can only assume you don't want to spend TO much time w/ her. But, this miht get the ball rolling on becoming closer. Good Luck!!!

thanks girls - my sister is divorced, but has been happily remarried for at least 7 / 8 years. I think it is partly jealousy too, but I wish she would just come out and be honest about it, instead of being catty, difficult (to me and my MOH) and in general pulling **** like this.

I have not been involving her in much of the planning, because of her tendancy to try to take control and tell me what to do.

I'm going to talk to her again and ask her to take my digital camera and take pictures at least. Then I am going to insist that I go with her to the second fitting, and I am going to tell her (and all the BM ) what I want them to wear at the weding (shoes, stocking, manicure/pedicure wise). I will remind her that it is MY wedding. All this trying to be nice to everyone and trying to keep them happy, and not hurt anyones feelings, is just not worth it anymore. New rule - what the bride says goes !!

This was the decision I came to at 2.30 am - man I am exhausted this morning, but I feel better making the decision to start telling people what I want.

you go girl!!!!!!!!

always remember - IT'S YOUR WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!

It is your wedding, and you get to call the shots!!!

Don't let people upset you, I know easier said then done.

you girls are great

My sister is a larger size, and that is maybe an issue for her, but be an adult and tell me the real reason, don't make catty comments that hurt me. I would much rather honesty

I don't think that it's jealousy, I think she's been married so long I think she's forgotten how it is to be an excited bride-to-be.
She probably just thinks that you're being too wrapped up in your wedding and 'it's no big deal' so she's irritated that you're making things a 'big deal'
Sorry. She's your sister and she should try to indulge you, IMO. Even if she doesn't see it, your wedding is important to you and even if she's way past weddings, she should at least be into your feelings. Try not to stress it. It's out of your hands to control the things she says.

Here's my humble opinion....

People will take things the way they want to. Usually, when something 'hits a nerve' people become upset, even when you did/said nothingn wrong.

Maybe your sister took your statement that you wanted to see the dress on her as an indication that you were 'worried' about how she looks in it because of her weight. She sounds defensive.

It's NOT your fault! All you did was simply ask to see her in the dress. I can totally understand that. You want to share the excitement of your day with your BMs! Not to mention she's your sister (close or not), and I'm sure you want her to be happy for you and involved.

But again, it sounds like it's HER issue. It's the way she feels about herself, and she is defensive about it. You can't help that and it's not your fault.

You're not over-reacting. I think she's being hurtful (maybe unintentionally). Maybe you can talk with her and let her know you aren't concerned about her weight? Or maybe that will only make it worse....hmmm, it's a hard call to make. Do what you feel is best, and keep in mind this is not your fault!

I'd also bring up the MOH thing and see if she's carrying some hurt feelings from not being the MOH. But even so, you're entitled to choose whomever you want to be your MOH. Maybe a heart-to-heart will smooth eveything over.

Good Luck!

KarenM

I think you need to come out and say to her 'What is wrong? You have hurt my feelings many times over the last few days. I realize that we are not super close but I was hoping the wedding could bring us closer' see what she says.
I can only imagine the stress you feel every time you have to speak to her. Also, call you other BMs and ask them when the sandal decision was made. Perhaps your sister made it for everyone. She is being a very catty person right now. Don't let her ruin one of your days.

Something is definately going on that she is not telling you. It sounds like she is either feeling hurt for some reason, or maybe because she has been through this already that she knows more than you do. But just remember- this is YOUR wedding- not hers. Talk to her and find out what is going on. Let her know how she is making you feel- she might be doing it unintentionally, and might stop after you speak with her. If she doesn't, tell her striaght out you're not going to let her ruin your special day. If she wants to continue acting like that, then she doesn't deserve to be a part of something so special. Don't stress it!! It's YOUR wedding!! Always remember that!