My Wedding is Over and my FI and I Broke up...UPDATED!! (Repost 06 Boards)

I want to start off by thanking you all soooooooo very much for your support and encouragement at my time of need. I don't think words can even describe how much you girls have helped me. Some of you may not know me and are probably wondering what happened. I had been engaged to my FI, David for a little under a year. About a month ago now we had a silly argument over dresses which turned into him calling off the marriage and us breaking up. I had been a wreck and all of your kind words helped me get through my loss. For those of you who FMed me, I thank you....I am so sorry I didn't get back to any one. This had been so hard on me, and at times still is. It had been hard to go through all of my wedding stuff and all of the things that meant so much to us. David ended up cancelling our catering hall (there is an opening on May 27th 2006 at the Meadow Club, if any one is interested...but that means he would get all of his money back....sorta hope it doesn't get booked, to be honest) the day after we broke up, the DJ was cancelled (Vinnie from High Voltage was so understanding) and I don't know about the church (he was supposed to take care of that), because last weekend I ended up getting Pre Cana papers in the mail. The following week after breaking up David came to pick up bags of engagement gifts that his family members had given to us, pictures from our Disney trip and some of the memories that we had together. That was one of the hardest things I had to do....get all of that stuff together to give back to him.
I treat this almost like I'm grieving. I have my ups and downs, but I am okay. I haven't heard from him which has to be the hardest. Those of you who remember me probably remember that I know him since kindegarten and he had been my best friend for years. Not having that friendship with him anymore nearly kills me. I am bothered that we aren't together, but to not have any ties with him is the worst. I know every thing happened for a reason and most likely we were just not meant to be together as a married couple. I still never got a reason as to why things turned out this way and probably never will. My mom poured her heart out to him when he came over to pick up his things and as she cried, he just looked at her and probably didn't know what to say. He was almost emotionless. I talked to him a few days after we broke up, trying to get answers and really got nowhere...which is probably for the best. But not knowing why things turned out like this is very very hard. I wonder every day. I don't hear at all from his mom (the woman who called me all of the time) but I have heard from two of what would've been my future SILs. They too don't know what happened and have told me that they can't believe this. They never would've thought this would've happened and don't know why it did. I somehow feel better knowing that they are just as baffled as I am. His SIL ended up having her baby a month early...when I heard this I figured it was from the shock...LOL....she even wrote that in an email. She's been keeping in touch sending pictures of the baby. It's good to hear from them :)
As for me, I'm starting to move along and ahead....but like I said, some days are hard. I am keeping myself very busy and my friends are taking me out lots. We've been having lots of fun. Fun is good...LOL. Every one has been so supportive. I miss talking to you guys so much. I don't know how to change my username.....don't really want to be known as MarissaLuvsDavid anymore....if you guys can help me out and give me pointers on how to change it, I may just pop on every so often to keep in touch.....I'm feeling better about seeing wedding stuff..though it is rough sometimes. But you guys were nothing but great to me and like I said, I miss talking to all of you.
On this note, I want to thank you all again from the bottom of my heart for all of your help, kind words, support, friendship, etc. I will keep in touch...look out for my new username.... Sorry it took me so long to respond to all of you. You all had/have been in my thoughts!

Marissa